Life is Marvelous, every second counts

New look

2012-01-31T18:37:00.002+08:00

After so many heart aches and complaints, I almost jumped out of my skin on Sunday evening with shock - a good one, that is. The resort is unbelievably clean!!!! I went out for my usual walk and observing the situation on Sunday evening and found the resort compound, corridors etc were sprucely clean. It was such a pleasant sight. After living here for about 4 years, this is the first time I didn't have any complaints. My responsibility is made easier.
When I was in PJ, Zaidi, the supervisor SMS me complaining that the Ascot housekeepers just threw rubbish outside without putting them in plastic bags. His complaints turned into conflicts with them. I have called and talked to Chen, the Manager, to tell her staff not to dump apartment rubbish on the corridor and expect somebody else to collect and dispose them but seemed like it fell on deaf ears.
So, on Friday when I returned to PD, I took my usual walk and was so repelled with the scattered rubbish in front of certain apartments. The next morning I had a face to face meeting with Chen and handed her a note requesting her to check on her housekeepers' work and that the cleaners will pick only rubbish in plastic bags. She sent down her staff immediately and by evening when I walked around, it was clean. I was surprised and prayed it would stay that way forever.
Sunday was a surprise. Usually irresponsible guests would litter the compound, the car park as well as the corridor and walkway. It was hard work to collect and to dispose the mountains of rubbish and the tell-tale chaos would remain by evening and the next day. But this time, everything was pleasantly clean. No wonder I saw Zaidi still walking and checking the compound at 6.30 pm. I guess his army training helps him in his job.
Thank you Zaidi, the cleaners and Chen for your cooperation. I hope in future I don't have any reasons to complaint like before and I don't have to send emails to the Management Council members so often to report the appalling situations.
I hope my compliments to Zaidi, his boss and his staff will be an encouragement and they maintain the good work.

A sick child

2012-01-21T14:42:00.003+08:00

Measuring Rania's height yesterday. She lost weight but gained in height. A good obedient girl who didn't fuss when being examined by the doctor. 200112.

I don't like seeing Rania got sick with cough and cold. She just got over one about a month ago and now she is suffering again. She rejected food and milk and looked so skinny - all hands and legs. Ika became impatient sometimes feeding her when she refused to chew and swallow her food and forced her to do so. She forgot that when a person is not well, she will lose appetite. She was more worried that her daughter looked so scrawny and cried when Rania rejected her milk and food once again. Poor Rania.

So yesterday (Friday 20 Jan 2012) Ika took Rania again to see her doctor in Bangsar. As expected, Rania lost weight but gained in height. The diagnose was that Rania has a slight infection on the left side of her lung. So she was put on a course of antibiotics and hope she will get well soon. Today, she is more cheerful and takes her food quite readily.

Rania was good and quiet when the doctor examined her. 200112

For the last few months when Rania, Justin and Ika suffered from flu and cough, I was able to resist it and came out well even though I stayed with them in PJ. But this time, my resistance has weaken a bit and caught cold and sore throat. What I fear most is the cough, for I know the coughing will attack and stay quite some time with me. I hate it because I suffer frrom reflux. I want to do my cataract surgery on the right eye but have to postpone it until I am really well.
Drinking lots of water helps to lessen the sore throat and the dry cough but I go to toilet so often at night. I am lucky for being able to fall off to deep sleep immediately. Only occasionally do I have disturbed sleep and forced to stay awake.
Chinese New Year is tomorrow. I am stiil angry and disgusted to read some Malay-hating mails. Why do the Chinese grudge the Malays so much? Don't they know that they get rich in this Malay country and we don't grudge them?They call the Malays racists but they were the worst racists ever. I can bet you if they have the power they would want to wipe out the Malays as the the Israelis do to the Palestinians and they will become the worst corrupted people on earth. I hate this attitude, 'I can hurt people but I don't want people to hurt me for I am above everyone else.' Disgusting attitude!!!!!!

Income tax 2

2012-01-17T15:30:00.003+08:00

I went to LHDN today and lost my way in spite of GPS. I am hopeless with this modern gadget. On top of that the traffic was horrendous because of CNY. Everybody is doing last minute shopping or going somewhere, I guess. I was on the point of returning home when I received a call from a LHDN officer who said I don't need to come to LHDN because everything is settled and I do have excess payment. The reason stated was that the last officer-in-charge, before he was transferred, didn't key in and checked properly. He apologized. I have not much time to digest this as I was concentrating on finding my way back home but received another blow when he said I still owe over RM4,000.00 from my old closed file. I wanted to scream!!
I thought I had settled all my dues a long, long time ago and I remember how I cried in front of the officers for being betrayed and lied to. Unfortunately at that time, all income tax was combined with husbands and a married woman didn't have her own income tax account. I was one of the unfortunately women who has been manipulated into thinking that everything was good and was well taken care of. I was too trusting and naive. Thank God, now married women are given the identity and privileged of their own account without being an appendix to their husbands.
But a word of caution though, love and trust your husbands but be mindful of your rights and your personal interest, for once you're betrayed it's going to hurt you for life.
l'll wait for the letter of demand from LHDN. Stupid me, I don't know what happened to my old income tax file - misplaced or I have destroyed it. So another lesson to be learned - never destroyed your old personal files, you may need them. Problem may surface some day, like I am experiencing now.
I told myself it doesn't matter anymore. After all it's only money. I can work a bit more to replace the loss but deep in my heart I curse the b@#$%d till the end of my days.

Once trust is given to you, NEVER betray it for betrayal will be the end of any honest relationship.

Income tax

2012-01-15T20:14:00.002+08:00

Apa hal income tax ni? I came back to PJ from PD and received a pink letter from LHDN saying I haven't paid RM 651.42 as tunggakan. Macam mana ni? Maz has been doing my income tax and according to my account LHDN owes me some money. Now they say I owe them. It's so confusing. I have been paying my tax faithfully every year. The tunggakan is till 2008. I retired and not earning an income from June 2007. My pension is non-taxable, habis LHDN kata I owe them and sent a warning pink letter pulak tu.
I tell you, news like this can kill a person especially senior citizen with weak heart. It's a shock and upsetting for me. I am under stress. On top of that, to go to LHDN in Damansara Perdana is like going to a foreign country. Kat foreign country pun senang lagi cari jalan. Kat sini boleh gila cari tempat sebab signage tak tentu arah. I haaaaattte this. I curse whoever does this. Kenapa LHDN tak cari towkey kaya yang tipu account dan tak bayar cukai beribu-ribu tu? Sakitnya hati!!!
Tomorrow I am going to see them. I hope the GPS will take me there safely and doesn't cause further stress on me.
Anyway tak guna nak sakit hati pun. Mentimun tak boleh lawan durian.

Events of early 2012

2012-01-12T18:56:00.002+08:00

The emerging 2012 should be a joyous time, looking forward to better days in the year. But in a short period of time so many things happened that didn't promise a glorious year. The cleanliness issue at the resort I live in somewhat resolved but created unhappiness among some people we didn't know. The Management Committee works hard and takes risks to make this place a better resort but unfortunately it was being sabotaged.
One of the apartment owners who owned a few units were not happy when a new parking system was introduced. He blatantly cut the chain of the bar to gain access where he wasn't supposed to be. He has been a pain in the a... for quite a while making difficult for us to impose some regulations in this resort. He acted as if the resort belongs to him and his gangster-like actions have caused us much problem. We would like to avoid legal action and try to persuade him to join the MC so that he understands our problems and work together to make the resort a better place. I approached him but arrogantly turned me down even before I finished talking.
The ho-ha about calling me names has been settled with a new supervisor who works together with his cleaners. I am happy to see the resort is pleasantly clean but come Chinese New Year there will be chaos and disorder again. I am ashamed to be a Malaysians where my countrymen behave like hooligans. Yesterday the supervisor and his man clean the pile of rubbish dumped by guests in front of my block. That area is supposed to be taken care by the Hotel staff but I asked him to clear the debris there. But today, the hotel workers blatantly dumped rubbish and coconut leaves at the same spot again. Instead of cleaning it they turned this spot into a dumping ground. It's such an irresponsible behaviour with a lazy attitude. When I sit at my balcony I hate to see the dump there. I hope the resort manager will talk seriously with the hotel manager whose staff is so irresponsible and lazy.
With the presence of a couple of new members who are action-oriented and assertive in the Council, there is much change but collecting service charges is still a problem. Many apartment owners owe the management thousands of ringgit in arrears. Without money there is very little we can do to upgrade the resort. Most of them are educated and hold prestigious positions but lack moral responsibility.
The security system also is so weak. The vice chairperson of the Council went to Singapore and left her Lamborghini car at the parking spot near her apartment. The next day her maid found the car has been tempered and the back screen was cracked by a stone. The mischief was done in the morning and nobody realized it. Damaging a Kancil like that can be a heart ache, what more when it is a Lamboghini. I feel so sorry and helpless that thing like this can happen during daylight. I hope she doesn't lose hope and ditch the Council. This is so unfortunate.
Finally, I gave up expecting the contractor who renovated my toilet to come and and repair the pipe leakage in my apartment. He got my money and refused to take responsibility of his work. This is a disgusting Malaysian work ethic. So I have to spend over a thousand ringgit to remedy the problem. The Malay repairman informed me also of some not so safe work the contractor did and I got to deal with it one day for safety reason. I felt so heartsick.

Keep on smiling Zuraidah. Life is short. Keep cool !!!

Indonesaian books

2012-01-01T19:52:00.004+08:00

I took an opportunity to visit a bookstore in Pekanbaru, Indonesia during my last visit on 24-27 Dec 2011. I wanted to get book written by local indonesian as well as a book translated from English to Indonesian. Though the bookstore at Matahari Mall is small, I managed to get what I wanted. But I would like to see more academic books on psychology and counselling as a well as any books on the helping professions. Maybe I'll get this opportunity when I go to big cities like Jakarta if I go there again someday.

It is almost impossible for any Malay books from Malaysia to penetrate the Indonesian market, which is quite a pity. We could share a lot of knowledge and compare similarities and differences in our writing style, use of language, spelling etc.

I bought a book written by two teachers about their students' psychological, social and emotional issues. They are similar with what teachers are facing in our country. The writing style is simple and easy to read but they used a lot of Indonesianized English words. Though we used a lot of Malaysianized English words we tried to use Malay words or terms as much as possible. La Tahzan for Teachers by Irmayanti and Gita Lovusa is published by Lingkar Pena. Though the quality of paper is not very good, the book makes interesting reading and I do recommend teachers and parents to read it if they can get hold of it. The authors attempted to make analysis based on psychology theory on the cases presented.
Since I am trained in translation from English to Malay and had translated English book and articles, I was interested to read a translated English book in Indonesian language. I bought Hidup Optimal dengan Skizofrenia by Roberta Themes, Ph.d. For people who are really familiar with only Malay language will find difficult to understand the book. For Malay and English speakers understanding is not a problem but may take time to translate back the words into English. Quoting afew examples are pesakit/patient is used as pasien, psikiatris is psikiater, medical profesional is professional medis etc. I find thet they use a lot of English words which are spelt in Indoneisan. Sometimes I feel so strange reading in my familiar language, interwoven with Indonesianized English words. I bet for those who don't understand English will find it harder to understand the book. To me this is an easy way out to translate - pollute the original languaue. Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka is quite careful about translating English words to Malay. Englishnized translation is used only if there is no suitable word to suit the meaning. I think this is the best way so that the words we have in our language are not forgotten or repalaced by English words.
On top of that, there are so many spellings and terminology which are different in Malay. For example Kelompok Rekan is Peer Group whereas it is Kelompok Rakan (or Rakan Sebaya) in Malay, Komunitas Pendukung for Support Group which is translated in Malay as Kelompok Sokongan Komuniti. To me, I really have to take time to read and to translate back to English in irder to understand what is being translated In Indonesian language. There are still some terms that I failed to figure out.
As a whole both books are good for light reading and also for references.

2012

2011-12-31T21:25:00.002+08:00

In less than 3 hours, the clock will strike 12 to bade goodbye to 2011 and to welcome 2012. Another year has passed and time goes so fast. In reflecting back I wondered what have I done meaningfully in my life. Much of it was focused on myself, making myself happy, safe and free from any mental pressure except this last few days when I was upset because of cleanliness issue in the resort I live in. But thankfully, issues were resolved and I am at peace again.

Looking at my spending account for 2011, I definitely over spent much more than what I earned. That means I am digging in my saving. A few caring friends are worried to see me spending money on traveling but rest assured, the money for traveling is accounted for in a different saving. On top of that I saved whatever I earned through lectures, talks and clinical sessions into my traveling account (n0t much but good enough). So I am OK there and it's well taken care of.

My involvement with Istiqamah project of the mosque, though erratic, I was able to contribute quite significantly. Syukur alhamdullillah.

Most important I was able to keep my eye pressure stable though glaucoma is still there. I guess the new eye drop given to me and with help of self-hypnosis, I was able to keep my eye pressure down so far, even though slight damage does occur. This can't be helped. I am also more accepting of my glaucoma and didn't get depressed unnecessarily.

For 2012, I don't trust myself to make resolutions or promises. I told myself to plan ahead of my travel and not to do adhoc ones but I am not too sure I can keep this. I may take off somewhere whenever I have the chance even though it's not in my plan. Going to Umrah at the end of February with Maz and get grounded for a while when my daughter-in-law delivered her baby in March, are already on the plate. After this I don't know. Some time in the early part of the year I have to do my cataract surgery for the right eye but I haven't fixed the date yet. It's still very tentative.

Whatever it is, I hope Allah will give me time to see through 2012 and I want to do again my clinical hypnotherapy and counselling sessions this year. So if anybody needs help in dealing with their issues through hypnotherapy (professional fees will be charged) please contact me.

Happy New Year everybody!!!

Apology

2011-12-30T18:07:00.002+08:00

Today I received an email forwarded by the Deputy Chairperson of Management Council of the resort from this particular supervisor who sent stinking name-calling email to me. He apologized for his hasty reaction and behaviour and shared some of his problems with some owners and renting agents. Above all, he didn't know who I really was and I guess he thought I was one of the fault-finding owners. There are some truths to what he was saying as I have seen some thoughtless and arrogant behaviour of owners and renting agents who make demands but refuse to cooperate.

I am glad he admitted his mistake and I leave the decision to the Council to deliberate. I was advised by friends to leave this unrewarding and unpaid job and just enjoy my retirement. I am sure, had my children known this, they would also say the same thing for fear of my safety.

To me, the resort is my place of stay and I should contribute to make things better. The other council members do not stay there, so they might have little knowledge of the goings on.

I'll continue my contribution and hope things will get better. I plead with Malaysians in general to have hearts and become less selfish and arrogant.

Name-calling

2011-12-29T23:30:00.002+08:00

I have been called and labeled with many names - negatives and positives. I didn't bother much about what people said about me negatively. It's waste of time to bother but when name-calling is tinged with subtle threat, it's a problem.
As a member of the Management Council of the resort that I live in, I was given a task in charge of cleanliness since I spend most of my time there. And I take my responsibility seriously. The resort is always in a mess due to selfish attitude of people who go there. The management has always faced with problem of cleaning service. We terminated the last company's service for being complacent. The new company belongs to an Indian couple based in PJ and they appointed an Indian supervisor to take care of the work. Two months passed by, the service has not improved. I complained by phone and email to the owner as the supervisor is supposed to see things done.
The most irritating thing is, the cleaners and the supervisor didn't even know that somebody shit and urinated on the staircase in different blocks until I went for my walking exercise and informed them so. There were always the same excuses why the car park was not swept - many cars parked there. Old wooden door was thrown at the beach - a short cut work whereas many times I have informed the company that nothing should be thrown at the beach. It was an ongoing battle. Why was it so difficult for some Malaysians to understand simple awareness on cleanliness? So my complaints went on and on and I wouldn't stop until the issues were addressed.
When I returned from Pekanbaru, the Deputy chairperson forwarded me an email from the supervisor, cursing and calling me names to say that I accused him of not doing his work and gave strings of excuses. Of course, I was upset for a while but I thought it was a childish email coming from a wounded child. I decided to disregard it but planned to bring it up in the next management meeting. The Deputy Chairperson responded to his email explaining to him that as a member of the Council, I have the right to pursue issues pertaining to my portfolio and that as a member I have the say in hiring and firing people. If he is not able to handle complaints gracefully he should leave. I guess that fueled his anger, aiming at me in particular.
The owner of the company sent me SMS when I was still in Pekanbaru apologising for his staff's behaviour and that the individual is resigning at the end of December. From then on, I received regular reports through SMS of the company's effort to keep the resort clean. In an way, I am happy my complaints are taken seriously and hope this sense of responsibility will continue. I have no attention to make people lose their jobs but if jobs are not done seriously and responsibly, they deserve to be sacked.
In the management meeting I was never in favour to employ people with aggressive and talk big behaviour especially among Indians. They can turn to be gangsters and difficult to get rid of when work is not satisfactorily done. I hope the committee learns a lesson from this and be more aware the next time in awarding contract. As far as I am concerned, I paid service fee faithfully and good service should be provided. Lets see what happens after this and I'll keep everyone posted.

Pekanbaru

2011-12-28T20:43:00.014+08:00

Taken with the bellboy of Pangeran Hotel in Pekanbaru. He is wearing the same baju Melayu as we do here in Malaysia. Also with Sadiah, my room-mate for this visit. 251211

I am ashamed to admit that my knowledge of Indonesia is limited though I have visited a number of places there. So, I learned that Pekanbaru is in mainland Sumatra in the Kepulauan Riau region. Yes, that's why I thought it was an island - Pulau Riau. Well, ignorance can be corrected. I did it by visiting the place.
Pekanbaru is like Malaysia. Majority is Malay Riau and can speak Malay like we Malays in Malaysia but with Indonesian accent. There are not many tourist attractions except the old traditional design buildings especially the bumbung or the roofs.

The Gedung Perwakilan Rakyat (like the parliament) is so colourful and attractive with batik and songket motif designs. Unfortunately we weren't able to go in because it was on Christmas day.

The open book modern design of the National Library also drew my attention and it was quite impressive. Built on the same ground as the Kantor Gabenor Riau, the complex is attractive with a Turkish-Iranian design mosque for the staff.

The Complex Raja Ali Haji is beautiful with different design tradional houses from different daerah, just like our mini Malaysia. But unfortunately, the complex is so rundown and unkempt with long grass, pools of stagnant water and debris. I guess, it takes a lot of money to maintain this place. The unique building of the cultural centre where cultural shows are held is really stunning. It catches the eyes from far but since it was Christmas holiday we just enjoyed the external of the building. I hope the Pekanbaru government will be able to restore the glory of this place again some day.

The An-Nur Mosque is impressive, the biggest mosque in Pekanbaru where we did our solat jama' Zuhur and 'Asar.

Different kinds of nuts sold in big bags at Pasar Bawah Pasar Wisata, Pekanbaru. 251211

The main attraction here is shopping. Things are comparatively much cheaper than in Malaysia especially clothes, handbags, shoes, batik etc. We were brought to Pasar Bawah Pasar Wisata where there are bazaar and markets. The place was so sardine-packed with people and hot but fun to shop. I bought a few pieces of Riau silk materials at low prices that my other traveling companions couldn't resist but bought in dozen as presents. The Ramayana shopping complex also was bursting with people since it was happy holidays too there. One glaring difference that I notice was that, there was no warnings of pickpockets or bag-snatching in spite of people jostling closed to one another. Everyone seemed to be relaxed and normal whereas we were clutching our handbags for dear life. I really like this relaxed and safe feeling. Anyway there is nothing wrong to be weary.

Happy Wedding wishes along the main road in Pekanbaru, Indonesia for a happy couple. 251211

Since shopping is not my favourite activity when visiting other countries, I opted to stay in the hotel the next day when it was a free and easy day. I wanted to go to Bukit Tinggi for a day tour but was advised against it because it was a wet day and the journey was long due to poor road.
The last day (27 Dec 2011) before going to the airport, Pak Irwan, the local guide brought the 8 of us to Nasi Padang lunch at a restaurant. It was really a delicious nasi padang with petai and jering thrown in.

We ended our journey as new-old friends and I am sure I'll visit Sadiah, my room-mate, in Sitiawan one day.

Examination

2011-12-18T23:28:00.003+08:00

I just finished examining practical examination for Hypnotherapy Certificate and Diploma courses today. It was quite tiring but good for me. At least I keep up with the knowledge of hypnosis. I still remember when I was doing the course, I was as nervous as many of them. Some are professionals, senior in age and experience but became nervous wrecks during practical exam. Some were highly qualified in their fields and tried to hide their nervousness thorough being over confident but finally messed up their practical exam. I have seen so many human behaviour facing stressful situation like an examination. Many admitted they were nervous wrecks when they came in to face me. I understood how they felt and tried to make them feel comfortable.
One behaviour which I couldn't accept is arrogance especially when they feel they are qualified professionals. No matter how highly successful they are in their field, hypnosis is a new area which they have to learn. In a way I feel sorry for them. Being well-known doctors, psychiatrists, professors, managers, Dato's, Tan Sris etc do not mean they can be good hypnotherapists if they don't practice and pass exams.
I hate failing people because taking this course is already a proof of high motivation and interest. But if performance in practical exam doesn't match the standard set and the expectation, I don't hesitate to fail them. For Certificate level candidates I was quite lenient and gave them a chance to redo the practical if I wasn't happy with the performance. At this level they learn hypnosis for themselves and NOT to others for therapy. But at Diploma level when they are trained to treat patients, I draw the line. Sub-standard performance means failure. Hypnotherapy by unqualified people spells disaster. Playing with people's subconscious mind is not a game. Wrongly treated, the patient can go bonkers.
Unfortunately in Malaysia, anyone who attends a short course on hypnosis can call and function as hypnotherapy. There is no controlling body to supervise the training and practice of hypnotherapy. Ethical practice and ethical conduct guidelines are not available. So it seems, it's free for all. This frightens me. Falling in the hands of unethical hypnotherapists will tarnish the good name of the profession and patients become victims. I hope those who seek hypnosis for treatment will examine the therapist's credentials first before agreeing to hypnosis session.

Maid

2011-12-17T16:03:00.002+08:00

Talked to my old traveling friend yesterday. She is housebound now - taking care of her 2 kindergarten grandsons. Spent quite a long time on the phone talking about her woes having foreign housemaids her son employed. I remember traveling with her in Philippines some time back with 2 other senior ladies. We spent most time interviewing maids whom she wanted to bring back for her son and daughter-in-law. Both of them are working professionals. Finally she decided to have one lady who told her that she is poor and has to support 3 children as her husband is an odd-job worker. Evaluating her as very nice, responsible and sincere to work to help her family, my friend bought her air ticket, clothes and made her passport. She was a wonderful maid for about 2 weeks, later she turned to be nasty, refusing to do certain work, locking her room door and became argumentative. My poor friend, she was furious. Talking to her nicely had no effect. Obviously she came to Malaysia just for a holiday, not work. Frustrated, she sent the maid packing and began the search for a replacement.

Since then, she was shuttling from her house to her son's to drive the grandsons to school and back and feed them. Many different maids came and go, some lasted a day. Most complained the house is too big and need a lot of work. They dictated what they wanted to do and what they didn't want to do. The recent Indonesian maid is a classic example of rudeness and irresponsibility. She refused to cook for the children, no cooking, no sweeping the garden etc. Her work is only to look after the house and do some cleaning. So again, my friend has to drive 20 minutes to the house to feed her grand children, ferry them to school and back to her house for the same routine - picking the grand children back from school cook and feed them, wait for the son or daughter-in-law to come back, then only she can return to her house. She will not have her grand sons hungry and neglected. What a job!! Like me, She is not really keen to stay with her son, preferring her independence living alone.

I remember how much headache I had before with maids when my children were young, local ones at that time. My friend's daughter-in-law and son are lucky that she is available and still fit to drive around for her grand sons' sake. But she has to trade that with her freedom. Now she is hardly able to go anywhere and I don't think she is happy.

Listening to her, I am glad somehow that Ika, my daughter, quit her job to look after her daughter, Rania. Though I still feel that she should have a career so that she can be financially independent, the sacrifce is quite worth it. I wouldn't want my Rania to go through the different maids looking after her. It's impossible for me to travel from PD to PJ and staying almost permanently with her is not a good option. I hope Rania will realize some day how lucky she is. And I also hope Ika could have a career again soon, even working from home.

In spite of changing maids so often when they were young, thank God, my children turned out normal because we were lucky that some of my former maids were good and responsible. Of course, there were one or two who were like devils but I sacked them immediately. Furthermore I was teaching at that time and by afternoon I was home.

This is eastern grandmothering, I guess.

Back to Hypnosis

2011-12-13T08:11:00.002+08:00

It has been quite a while since I practice hypnosis and counselling. I referred patients/clients to friends. Ethics dictate that I cannot conduct sessions because of my traveling and not able to keep appointments and do follow-up. I miss this professional side of me and now in 2012, I plan to take patients/clients and adjust my traveling schedules - no more ad hoc travel. Traveling is still my passion as I want to see as many places as possible in this world and in my country.

LCCH is conducting a tailor-made course in hypnosis for the Drug prevention agencies. I am happy that I am going to discuss ethical practice in hypnosis and teach self-hypnosis. I hope the small number of participants will be interested and pursue hypnosis further for addiction. Good luck to them.

I have another activity lines up for 2012. I am volunteering to do small group hypnosis with orphans. With Ama's help, I hope we could collect some data to see the response to hypnosis in confidence-building and thus reduce indiscipline. I am quite excited about this project.

With the istiqamah activity at the mosque and these, I think my hand is quite full for next year. But Bosnia, I am coming to see you in May 2012, Insyaallah.

A case of healthy aging

2011-11-28T09:55:00.017+08:00

I took a long promised trip to visit my very close friend since university days, Sofiah and her husband, Omar. Though we have lost touch with each other for so many years ( I was in Kuching) our friendship never wavered. Both of them are retired and left their city home to go back and live in their kampung in Jitra, kedah.

To keep themselves occupied, they rear turkeys and ayam kampung for sale. It's quite a big change from their usual occupations, a school principal and a Company Director. But they were happy and have no intention to come back and live in PJ. Their big house is empty as children got their own houses and they are contemplating of selling it.

Elegant profile of Australian turkey (Nicholas), big, white and colourful head (males). 221111

A male ( bigger and more colourful) and a female local turkey - black fetheared at Sofiah's and Omar's farm in Jitra.

Male local turkey.

When I looked at them I am pleased that they choose to stay in a quiet, serene place with open green padi field and a river flowing through it. Though far from modern facilities, Jitra town is just a stone throw away. But they are griping over the lack of government attention who promised to upgrade the lives of simple kampung folks. It's still lacking. There's no telephone line and therefore internet is not within reach. How can poor kampung children become computer savvy and be able keep up with the rapid movement of modern technology. Many Malay youths become dropouts and are left behind in term of education and opportunities.
My friends have very good intention of helping the poor forgotten Malay kampung children. Their life in retirement is focused on helping the unfortunates. They plan to build a simple hall adjoining their kampung house to attract children to come for tuition free of charge. They hope they can play a part in uplifting the spirit of the kampung folks to achieve higher. Not a rich couple, they are willing to work hard to make their dream a reality.

Taken at Sofiah's kampung with green padi field as the background. 241111.

Since the day was sunny, Sofiah took me to Kubang Pasu nearby to visit the Puteri Lindungan Bulan's grave. This is a historical site about Kedah history being conquered by Acheh whose king wanted to marry the white-blooded Kedah princess. The Sultan opposed the idea and hid his daughter in a well with her ladies-in-waiting with enough food. But when Acheh attacked Kedah the Princess was left there with no food and eventually died. The legend tells that during full moon the the well was shaded, thus kept the princess safe from the enemies.

I guess it's a big change from a life in a corporate world to a life of simple kampung folk. But they are happy and fully occupied.
Hence, the turkey and ayam kampung farming to supplement their income. Beside that, Sofiah collects and sells used clothes and gets herself involved in direct selling. The money earn goes to the bulding and maintenance of the madrasah. If anybody is interested to help and contribute for amal jariah, please contact me - HP 019 857 5188.

A former school principal and a senior education officer turned farmer in retirement. Sofiah with her ayam kampung and itik nila.

Feeding time. Their ayam kampung roam free in their farm and never short of food.

Green rice field is soothing to the eyes. At Kubang Pasu, Kedah. 231111.

A scenery that needs to be appreciated - blue mountains, kampung houses snuggled among trees and green padi field. Taken on the way to Kulim. Beautiful, stunning, gorgeous!

Tasik Mengkuang in Kulim, Kedah in the evening. 251111.

The rain poured in Jitra on 22 and 23 November. I was worried in case it floods. The river water near their house is high almost touching the bank.

I don't want to be stranded because of flood and decided to cut short my visit and go to Kulim to meet Fuziah, my traveling friend. Her sister, Tan, came to join us and we went to Tasik Megkuang for a simple evening picnic to enjoy the view.

Sisters Fuziah and Tan at Tasik Mengkuang. 251111.

It was a well-worth visit though heavy rain spoiled my plan. But I got to see the inner sight of my beautiful country and hope no citizen of this country would destroy it by selfish means. There are many more places in Malaysia that I would like to visit, and experience the varied way of life and learn through it. Syukur alhamdulillah, I am given time to enjoy my beloved country.

Istiqamah

2011-11-20T06:55:00.004+08:00

When I returned from Kuching to get involved in Kampung Tunku, Petaling Jaya mosque which is a door away from my house, I was roped in to be the Secretary of Program Bersedekah Secara Istiqamah of the women's section of the mosque. From experience, I worked very well with Datin Hasmah, the chairperson of the program. I have worked with her in the mosque's project of helping children at risk in Kuang. It has been a rewarding project with a number of kampung children completed secondary schools instead of being drop-outs. Unfortunately in 2001 I left for Unimas in Kuching and the project stopped with no follow-up. It was quite a costly project. At the moment with limited funds and limited committed volunteers, the project was buried.
However, a few women were still interested to help the unfortunate, thus the program Bersedekah Secara Istiqamah was introduced in 2006.
Frankly, I didn't have the faintest idea why the program is so named and what istiqamah is all about. But happily I joined in to contribute whatever I can. Slowly I began to understand the purpose which is very much into my heart. I Googled Istiqamah for the exact meaning. In short, it means steadfastness, that is, going straight to the right direction, acting rightly allowing no deviation. That sounds good and apt to what the program is doing.
Saydina Abu Bakr says istiqamah is 'that you do not associate partners with Allah.' Whereas Uthman ibn Affan explained, 'To have ikhlas to Allah only in doing actions.' and ibn Abbas said, 'It means to fulfill your duties to Allah.' What matters most are the sincerity and commitment to helping others with no ulterior motives.
Istiqamah also indicates how to remain steadfast, such as,
1. Keep in the company of good people.
2. Keep connected to Al Quran through recital, studying and implementation.
3. Reflect and question yourself daily, for example, are you heading on the right way, is your intention sincere?
4. Learn to take good advice from others.

I hope I will be able to do the best I can in helping the unfortunate with clear conscience and sincerity in my heart. Syukur alhamdullillah, up to now I have not wavered as I believed I could contribute so little to make a better world.
The Istiqamah program collects contribution in term of money as well as materials. On 29 May 2011 we had our jumble sale, selling used clothes and other things. We collected over RM1,000. Besides that we also accept monthly or yearly monetary contributions from kind individuals. From these collections, we distribute it to identified orphanages, old folk homes and poor individuals as well helping paying tuition fees for children who are in need. We also welcome individuals who would like to pay their zakat to deserving people in our list of contacts.

Program Istiqamah has a Used Clothes Shop situated at the lower ground level of the mosque. We received a lot of good branded clothes and anybody is welcome to donate. Unfortunately, the non-muslims steer clear of coming maybe due to fear of it's location in the mosque. We welcome anybody to the shop as it not in the mosque proper but at lower level where the sundry shop and other activities are carried out. At the moment opening of the shop is quite erratic because we don't have volunteers to man it but we aim to open it regularly at least every Friday. We need volunteers who can come regularly to open the shop at least for a few hours each day.

We still have a lot to do so that we can make the shop attractive and sale increases with committed volunteers to man it.

To readers of this blog, I think this is a good way for your istiqamah.

Healthy philosophy of aging

2011-11-16T14:53:00.005+08:00

I received a number of articles and email forwards about graceful aging. Interestingly enough, many of those pointers are ones that I am practicing and believe in. I am grateful that many friends remember to remind me to be positive about aging and I hope many others will follow suit if not already done so. To the young ones, you can manage your looks and health but not the number. Even though age is only a number, you can't deny it's there and it's a good indicator of where you are in this life. So, there is no need to hide from the actual number or fool people by giving false lesser numbers. Being afraid or ashamed to admit your real age reflects the state of your mind. There is nothing to be ashamed of being 25, 30, 40, 58 or 70 or more. The higher the number the more experience you have about life and the more life stories you can tell.

On the brink of 70, I am feeling good about myself and thankful that Allah has given me such good life. I hope He will continue letting me grace this world until such time He wants me to go - gracefully. I am not rich, I don't have perfect children, I don't have many friends and I don't have people who will die for me but I am happy with what I have right now. Whether I am right or wrong, I am at peace with myself. Don't get me wrong. There are times I feel low, there are times I feel frustrated and there are times I feel unfulfilled but those times are far and few and when I feel their presence, I overcome it instantly.

As I discussed with Jin, my traveling friend, I don't want to be a grumpy old lady. I almost got into that habit when I find faults with everything and with people around me, especially with my children whom I love dearly. I want to be a fun grandma with Rania and my coming grandson. I am in the process of learning - of not being critical. My poor Ika. When I am in my not so good mood, she always gets the heat. Forgive me my love, I promise to quit and hope you'll tell me when I am unbearable.

I receive many compliments that I don't look my age and many ask for tips. I don't have any magic mantra but I have a few life pointers that I keep. I am sharing some here - for better or for worse.

1. I keep away from people who give negative aura. I'd rather terminate my friendship or relationship than continue interacting with them which pulls my self-worth down. To me negative people are toxic to my mind and it affects me mentally, emotionall and psychologically. So I keep away from them.

2. I keep away from people who judge me on spiritual level. Ordinarily I don't wear hijab but if people judge me of being less Muslim and preach or sindir me for not covering my head, then it's their problem. It's between me and Allah and who are they to think that they are better Muslims. Being with these people doesn't make me feel good, so I keep away and interact with people who accept me as I am.

3. To forgive and forget is a false concept - easy to say but hard to do. Is it easy just to forgive and forget people who have done harm to you? Hei, we have hearts and mind and the brain registers all experiences. I don't forgive and forget easily but I am able to put aside negative experience away at the back of my mind and move forward. I don't allow past experience to interfere in what I want to do. I am a strong believer in Gestalt - What is past is past, the future we don't know but the present is important. So taking care of the present for better future is important to me. Focusing on unpleasant past experiences will only paralyse you from moving forward.

4. I am not a raving beauty but taking care of my complexion is important. I'd rather spend money on good skin care products than buying expensive branded clothes. I can't fight wrinkles but I can minimise it.

5. I don't allow myself to linger on 'what ifs' but more on what else do I want to do. I occupy my time with activities that I enjoy and cultivate new hobbies. I spend much time traveling outside and inside the country, I enjoy gardening and I have new hobby - keeping Rania's selected monthly photos so that she can see her growth. I love to visit foreign countries but seeing and getting to know my own country is more rewarding.

6. What is successful aging if I don't have good health. I go for regular medical checkup, eat healthy food though sometimes I do binge on ice-cream, snacks and choclates. I do exercise on moods, that's why I am gaining weigh. I fully realize that I need to get back to my exercise routine. Now I fully accept my glaucoma and taking good care of it so that my eye pressure doesn't go up. I hope my sight will stay with me till the end of my days.

7. I get upset when I read violence and racial conflicts in newspapers. So I avoid reading newspapers though I lose in terms of recent events. I dislike reading email forwards about Malay bashing from insensitive non-Malay friends. So I just delete them. It's not worth letting it affect my peace of mind. Those are stupid people and not real friends.

8. Being financially independent keeps me secured and free from worry. So managing your money according to your means is crucial for successful aging. Scrimping and begging for financial help from children, husbands or relatives will make you feel worthless. Earn your living, enjoy the fruit of your labour but save for your future. It will make you healthier and happier.

9. I enjoy little fun episodes in my life and can laugh or giggle to myself. I dislike watching films or TV movies on any kind of violence to people or animals beacuse it upsets and saddens me. So I watch comedies, family stories and read light life stories. I avoid congested place as it gives me headache and I hate driving in KL struggling with a lot of impatient and rude drivers. In other words, I try to avoid any stressful situations so that I don't suffer from anxiety.

10. I don't crave for material possessions. The more harta you have the more headaches you suffer. I minimize my belongings. I am happy having a roof over my head which belongs to me and a small car which can carry me wherever and whenever I want to go anywhere. Life is more stress free for me.

11. I give a lot of hugs and love to significant people in my life especially my children and grandchild, and I talk to my plants. They make me happy. I still miss Mok but have accepted that he's not coming back.

These are a few things that I do to make my life wortrh living. One failure doesn't make life failure. As Rania says, ' Oso says try again' and she is only 19 months old.

God creates life and what is life without challenges.

Aidil Adha 1432 - 6 Nov 2011

2011-11-08T06:55:00.016+08:00

Izrin lovingly feeds Rania with yoghurt which she loves.

Another year passed and syukur alhamdullillah, I am still here enjoying, observing and participating on the goings on in my little world. Aidil Adha reminded me of my Arafat experience during my second Hajj in 2009. I hope things are better there and has improved to make the process of Hajj more spiritually satisfying and fulfilling. I read Aminah Wadud's Hajj blog on her experience of Hajj as a single woman. It was vivid and eye-opening. I love the way she writes, very skillful in explaining her inner feelings and thoughts. She taught in UIA for awhile and I was lucky to have the opportunity to interact with her while she was in Malaysia. I really recommend both males and females to read her account with open minds.

As usual, celebration of Hajj was done in a very small and personal way with my children. Maz, Izrin and Haidi came to the house to celebrate together with Ika, Justin, Rania and me. No cooking for me this year. Ika and Maz worked together and decided to cook rendang daging and roasted chicken. After Raya prayer at Kg. Tunku mosque next door, we sat down together to enjoy our food. Having Rania really made things more cheerful as she became the center of everyone's focus.

Things quietened down in the afternoon when this little angel went in for her afternoon nap and promptly fell asleep. She had great fun playing with her Pak Su, Mak Su and Mak Yang.

Piggy ride on Mak Yang's back.

Laughing gleefully, Rania stomped on Mak Yang's back.

Kg. Tunku mosque solemnized the korban ceremony on 7 November 2011 (Monday) sacrificing 18 cows. People came in big numbers to help but of course, some came with different intention. The women worked hard to cook and to cut the meat and put in 1 kg portion in plastic bags for distribution to needy people.
I stationed myself in one of the groups. We worked non-stop except for lunch, until all meat was neatly packed for distribution to people who helped. Unfortunately, as usual, those who just came without lifting a finger also made a claim. As a result those who really worked received only bones for soup. But they were happy for contributing their time and energy to make this korban process a success.

The women sat in small group to cut and weigh the meat for distribution.

The small group responsible to pack the cow bones for distribution. They were also baffled for not receiving any ribs to be distributed.

The men volunteers cutting cows leg for the women to pact in 1 kg plastic bags. This is a sight I wasn't keen to linger on.

Cutting the meat out with concentration by a man volunteer.

A group of Bangladeshis came to help cut cow bones by machine. Some others maybe made use of this opportunity to make money by manipulating those who were sincere to help.

I left for home at 2.30 pm for zohor prayer and a much needed rest.
I must admit that slaughtering live cows is not my cup of tea but this is korban. I have to grit my teeth and volunteer in the name of Allah and hope He forgives me for shedding tears of pity and sadness in my heart. I have not been actively taking meat or chicken for quite a while, preferring fish, seafood and vegetables most time.
I didn't really know what was going on during the korban. I know that 18 cows slaughtered yielded a lot of meat but yet it was not enough. My neighbour complained, for the last 10 years, nobody knew where the ribs went as none of the workers got their share. She said, a few people saw the Bangladeshi volunteers carted off the ribs immediately after the slaughter and put them in their van. Nobody dared say anything. As usual they grumbled and gossiped after the event. I did ask why there weren't people supervising and monitoring the sedekah so that everyone had his/her share. Nobody could answer that. I wonder why this selfish attitude wasn't mention in the mosque meetings. Maybe I'll bring it up in the women's istiqamah next meeting.
Syukur alhamdullillah, everything went on fine. I salute those men and women who stayed till evening to clear the mess. May Allah bless them. I have to come home early as I expected visitors in the evening.

11111

2011-11-01T16:38:00.003+08:00

Isn't it a beautiful series of numbers, number ones! Yes, I am number one today. I'm sure I share these special number Ones with so many other people today. So to all who share these number Ones, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's a quiet day for me, in spite of phone conversation with friends who wished me happy birthday and answering several SMS, my issues about leaking pipe and neighbour's noisy pipe system are still not resolved. Different contractors gave me different views. I am so apprehensive that I have to hack my toilet wall tiles which I have just renovated, to find the leak. I have spent quite a sum of money renovating it. The old contractor who did the toilet refused to own up that it might be his workers' fault. I get so frustrated, not knowing what to do.
My happy moment was when Rania wished me 'epi bithday nenek' early in the morning and blew kisses through the phone. That made my day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ZURAIDAH. MAY YOU HAVE MANY MORE BIRTHDAYS TO CELEBRATE IN GOOD HEALTH.

Bipolar

2011-10-26T20:07:00.004+08:00

I am not trained in bipolar disorder. It's the work of psychiatrists but I do understand what bipolar is and have seen it's effect on people. I remember this particular friend of mine's email, complaining about her state of mind. She was feeling depressed and lonely and couldn't understand why she's feeling that way. Suspecting that she was going through menopause, I suggested going to see a doctor. Living overseas alone, I guess, makes it difficult for her to deal with it by herself. I didn't receive any news after that and thought everything is OK. I was wrong.
When she came back to Malaysia to visit her family, she stopped at my house in PJ and told me that she has been diagnosed suffering from bipolar disorder and currently under treatment. In many ways she's lucky working and living in UK where she has access to medical treatment under the National Health System.
Bipolar disorder was formerly known as manic depression and many associate it only as depression. But there is another side of depression, that's the mania behaviour which is not really recognize and being taken seriously. Hipomania is a less severe than mania. Bipolar goes through serious mood swings - from feeling on top of the world (mania) to going right to the bottom of depression. Everybody, some time or other, goes through 'on' and 'off' days but we go back to normal behaviour soon enough. Bipolar individuals suffer these extreme mood swings for days and eventually they form a pattern. Fortunately Bipolar disorder is treatable.
Sometimes bipolar depression can create problem at work and at home. Depression makes the person isolate him/herself, tardy or not turn up at work, feeling lethargic or they stay in bed all day. Unfortunately, bosses, co-workers, friends and family members do not understand that this is a mental health issue and may accuse the individual as lazy. In extreme case, bipolar depression may cause negative thought and action, such as having suicidal thought and attempting to hurt self. A bipolar disorder also can be in mania state ie extreme high mood behaviour and may create negative outcome which are regrettable such as impulsive spending and getting into excessive debt, involved in unprotected sex with multiple partners, taking risky actions, work with no sleep or having excessive happiness and laughter. Usually people pay more attention to depression because the feeling is unpleasant but mania behaviour is dismissed because of the good feeling associated with it even though it is excessive.
Usually bipolar disorder is shown by several symptoms such as disturbed sleep patterns, energy level - very low or very high, alcohol or drug use, sex drive - increased or depleted, self-esteem goes rock bottom and concentration is very poor. There are also triggers for bipolar if they suffer long stress or on mania state at work.
My friend is aware of her illness and she surrounds herself with friends for support. Being a sociable being, she makes friends easily and some are faithful to her, taking care of her when she is ill. Since her 2 daughters are away working, she relies on friends and medical team to get her through. I saw how her neighbour cares for her and helps her to find her ways back to health. When I was with her, I felt tired just looking at her non-stop activities and high energy. She was in her mania mood though not excessive. When we left her, she wrote that she was in depressed mood but later got herself out of it. I was quite concerned and kept in touch. Because of awareness, support group and availability of medical services, she is well taken care of. Malaysia needs this kind of service to help those suffering from mental health issues.

Little progress makes the world

2011-10-24T10:52:00.003+08:00

Called Rania this morning. I see progress in her growth. She wouldn't talk when I called her on the phone before, exceptto stare at it in silence, wondering where Nenek's voice came from. My pleasure knows no bound today when she blew kisses through the phone. I wished I could hug her tight there and then. She's talking on the phone now, calling Nenek and babling her nursery rhyme favourites like 'Pok amai-amai' or 'Ba..ba..black sheep.' My little Jantung Pisang is making her mark in the world!
I have another pleasant surprise this morning. Haidi called. I am going to have a grandson in 5 months time. Congratulations Izrin and Haidi and thank you for making me so happy. I pray to Allah that both of you will have good stable marriage and a happy family throughout your life, Aminnn.
Last weekend, as usual the resort was packed with people and parking was a problem. Budin and wife Azizah came to pay me a visit but there was no parking space, so I came down to go out for dinner with them. It's so nice for him to make time to see me. Budin is conducting a course here in PD. I am very proud of him for being so successful in what he is doing. I wish I could be like him but he has his talent, creativity and a unique personality.
Being in the Management Committee of the resort, we met and discussed how to overcome parking problem and over-crowding. The problem occurred due to selfish attitude of owners and guests. For example, one apartment is rented out and is occupied by as many as 10-12 people who come in 3 or 4 cars, thus creating shortage of car parks. In spite of a By-laws limiting one apartment to maximum of 6 people, there is nobody to monitor and enforce the Laws. So, it's free for all!! Well in future soon, one car park will be for one apartment only. We are seeking police help to enforce this decision in case violence erupted by irresponsible people and hope owners will take heed. By then we will have good matured crowd, not like the present time where any Tom, Dick and Harry can stake a claim.
I am praying this plan will go through without a hitch.
There is also great progress in the management of the resort with 2 new owners joined force. They are very assertive and action-oriented people who made the manager move fast. I guess the few of us in the old committee were soft. My many emails of complaints and instructions were often ignored and I couldn't do anything. I was fed-up and wanted to give up. Now I am all geared up to make this place a better place to stay.
I hope soon PLA South will be a good reputable resort and defaulting owners pay up their service charges for us to upgrade the resort and gave it a new coat of paint.

Home Sweet Home

2011-10-23T16:16:00.017+08:00

After 3 weeks away from home, I am looking forward to go back and see my 'Jantung Pisang' again. I miss Rania so much and every time I saw little girls her age, image of Rania came to mind. I never realize how powerful my little grand daughter is in my thought.

I spent 3 more days with Eng, Jenu and Jin at Grays, going to Lakeside mall, Grays esplanade and shopping in Grays town which is just a few minutes away. Going for walk at the esplanade was quite an effort as the day was cold and very windy. On top of that we had to be careful while walking on the walking track. It's littered with dogs' poohs. The people here are irresponsible for not picking and throwing away their pets' poohs. It's such a pity that such a serene place became so dirty. Yes, sounds just like in Malaysia where some people are so selfish.

At Eng's flat with Jenu, an 80 year old Pakistani doctor whom Eng is taking care of.

Eng prepared fish fillet for us when we came back from Stratford-Upon-Avon.

Rosehips at Eng's aprtment from which rosehip oil comes from.

Syam, Fa's husband, with Fa, son Mohamad and daughter Aishah came to Eng's flat to pick me up to Luton, their house. This is my last lapse of my UK trip. I am thankful that Fa decided to pick me up instead of me going by train or coach to Luton which would involve dragging my luggage around. Staying 2 days with Fa's family filled me with admiration - her strength and determination to complete her PhD,

and her husband's devotion and sacrifice in taking care of the children and family in spite of his own work. With 6 growing children to take care, that's quite a challenge and time consuming. On top of that, Fa is also taking care of her aging mother who is disabled and dependent on someone's help. Proud to see her and family doing well and happy with well-adjusted children.

Delicious Nasi Lemak cooked by Fa. Hmmmm.... love it after almost 3 weeks starving from rice.

Fa's mother - learning to adjust to life in a foreign country with only family support.

Fa's youngest son, Abid is 8 months old and and a sheer delight. Chubby and contented, he gets all the attention from his siblings. I love to see him eating, ever ready to receive food or milk and enjoying it. Such an easy baby to look after, he cries only when he is hungry or uncomfortable, not like Rania who is so picky over her food. When I was there, I received SMS from Ika saying Nia was on strike, refusing to eat and she was losing weight. Nia was never a chubby baby but she was firm and sturdy.

Lovable Abid with sister, 3 year old, Aishah.

Because she is tall for her age, she looks skinny. Ika was worried sick. Alhamdullillah, now Nia is eating well. Her mother has to be creative to coax her to eat. She got to choose what nursery rhyme she wants to hear from UTube in Ika's Ipad. Her little finger will touch the song she wants. At 1 1/2 years old, Nia is talking quite clearly and her vocabulary is amazing for her age.

Every morning, she sauntered into my room and says 'Hei Nenek'. 'Nenek sapuu...' following me to the garden as I sweep the fallen leaves in the garden. Conversation with Nia is quite a pleasure. Still calls her father 'Dada" but calls 'daddy' according to her mood.

While in Luton with Fa's family, we went to Gravely Car Boot sale. Car Boot sale is popular in Uk and other foreign countries but not so in Malaysia. That day (Saturday) was so cold and windy that it spoiled the fun. Aishah and Mohamad had a good look at children books and toys for sale there. I was tempted to buy good children books for Rania but luggage weight limit stopped the temptation.

Used children books ad toys were cheap and still in very good condition. Aishah was tempted to get something for herself.

All Fa's children speak English with British accent which can be a problem when they come back to Malaysian schools. I hope they don't lose the language and continue speaking it even though friends may tease them. I am so glad that I have this opportunity to know Fa and her family closer as I have the same opportunity with Jamayah in Perth in 2009. May Allah bless them and also those I know from Unimas who are doing their PhDs overseas.
I reached home on 11 Oct 2011 at 11.45 am, took a shower and played with Rania who was elated seeing me. She could explain that 'Nenek go Scotland'. Nia loves her Ba ..ba..black sheep which I bought in Windermere. At 4 pm, the cab came to pick me up to KLIA for my Firefly flight to Kota Kinabalu.
The next day, 12 Oct 2011, after a good night sleep, I delivered my keynote address at the PRS Convention in UMS. Immeditely after, I flew back to KLIA for a much needed rest.

Delivering keynote address at UMS on 12 Oct 2011. Thank you Carrie for the photo.

England - Lichfield, Walsall

2011-10-18T17:54:00.023+08:00

An old gruesome story told at Lichfield Market place.

While Mages went to work we drove to Lichfield to sightsee the city. It's an old quaint city, very pretty and clean.

At Lichfield Market place with stories of English philosophers.

Jin at the entrance of Samuel Johnson museum, Lichfield.

Lichfield information at the rear of Lichfield Cathedral.

Jin wanted to see the old Cathedral but we didn't know where to park nearest to the Cathedral. After several stops we decided to park for short stay and bought a ticket from a machine. We put the ticket at the dashboard. A kind gentleman showed us the short cut way to the Cathedral.

At colourful Beacon Park, Lichfield.

We walked around in Lichfield and accidently found Beacon Park which Mages recommended us to go. It was indeed a beautiful park with colourful flowers in full bloom. The sun was out making the park a bright, merry ground where people sat and chat or read.

Many of them, I noticed were senior people who enjoyed it the most. They sat down on benches to read, walk around or just chat with one another.

In the Garden of Remembrance in Beacon Park, opened in 1920.

Like many other lakes that we visited, there were variety of ducks, geese and swans swimming freely in the lakes and nobody steals them. But why can't we, in Malaysia, have ducks, geese and swans in our lakes and let them multiply. I remember when I first visited the lake at Proton City, Tg. Malim, there a number of white ducks swimming happily some with little ducklings but a year later pityfully, I saw only two or three of them were swimming there. What has happened? Maybe somebody has had a duck feast in their homes or somewhere?
Anyway by the time were ready to go back, we found a summon ticket on the windscreen of our car for not displaying the parking ticket. Alamak, mana tiket tu pergi? We were sure we put it there it was nowhere to be seen. So we theorized that it flew out of the car without us realizing it when we slammed the car door shut. It was a windy day. So we had to pay 25 pounds fine. What a waste!!

In the evening, Mages took us to the Arboretum Hatherton Park to enjoy a good walk.

Arboretum Hatherton Lake in Walsall is small but very attractive. The public is allowed to fish at specific points with license. Autumn is playing its role by changing colours of trees around the lake which makes it incredibly beautiful, a favourite season for me.

A place to fish and relax.

People came prepared with bread to feed the hundreds of ducks, swans and geese there who came flocking to get the food. It was a sight that was so delightful.

Staying for a week with Mages gave us opportunity to see many more places nearby like taking a bus to Birmingham. Mages had a full activities for us especially visiting her many friends which later she held a dinner party for her close friends to meet us. Being a good cook, she cooked the dinner all by herself.There was Izzie, her French teacher, Maggie, the psychologist from South Africa, Lenny and Wife Anne who live in a traditional British cottage which we visited earlier. They were a jovial lot.
On 4 October, we left Walsall and bade farewell to Mages with a hope we would meet again when she comes back to Malaysia.

Stratford-Upon-Avon.
This is Shakespeare's old house which becomes a well-known tourist attraction.

The square where Shakespeare's house, museum etc are situated with lots of souvenir shops and restaurants in Stratford-Upon-Avon.

Driving down to Essex, we stopped on the way at Stratford-Upon-Avon, Shakespeare's birth place. I have been there some years back and didn't mind going there again.

Attractive scenery of the river on the way to Shakespeare's house.

I met a grade 2 school children on their school trip. When they saw me taking photos of them, they chorused together "tourist!!". They were quite obedient considering their age and seriously followed their teachers' instruction. I had a short conversation with one of the accompanying teachers. This trip was their class assignment and the kids were having an great time.

We left for Grays, Essex soon after. Eng was waiting anxiously for us. She was concerned about the accident we had at Snowdonia as the insurance company wanted to talk to Jin personally. That guy reported the incident and made a claim to the insurance company. Obviously he was looking for easy money. In Malaysia, we would just say, ' Forget it, not worth claiming, too small.' and that's all there is to it.

North Wales - Conwy and Betsw-y-coed

2011-10-17T23:45:00.025+08:00

Saturday 1 oct 2011, with Mages, Jin and Harpal, we went to Conwy to see Conwy Castle and the surrounding area. The four of us are really a mixture of races representing Malaysia though Harpal is really a British citizen - Malay, Chinese, India and Punjabi. Mages drove this time as she
is familiar with the road.

Both Mages and Harpal had prepared picnic baskets for all of us. After 2 hours drive we arrived at Conwy marina and spread out picnic mat to enjoy breakfast on the green grass by the road with Conwy castle as the background.

We chose not to enter the castle proper but went to the castle ground and walked on the castle wall which surrounded the town. I could imagine how the castle guards manned the castle by keeping enemies away. The castle was built as ordered by King Edward 1 of England in 1283. Being high up above the ground, they could see any marauding enemies from the sea as well as from land. The walking path on the wall is quite long, narrow, winding and up and down all the way. Seemed like we were walking on mini Great wall of China.

The whole wall surrounds the town with 8 big circular towers and 4 smaller ones. It's quite a test to weak knees. We were concerned over Mages' troubled knees but she seemed to be OK, resting every now and then.

The bird's eye view from the castle is so amazing which can reach as far as the eye could see because the day was clear and sunny. It's situated near Conwy river estuary which has turned to a marina with tourist boats aplenty.

Conwy surrounding taken from the castle wall.

The sea and the hills protected the castle from enemies during old days. This is one of the best preserved castle in North Wales. Now the town is bustling with tourists.

The colourful backyard of house owners near the castle, taken from castle wall.

Taken from castle wall walk overlooking a pretty garden of a Bed & Breakfast.

The four of us at Conwy castle wall with the marina as background.

After walking the castle wall we walked along Conwy Quay to see the marina, old buildings, restaurants and the main attraction - 'the Smallest House in Great Britain' which can accommodate only 4 people in a tight squeeze but to enter one has to pay a fee of 4 British pounds.

The Conwy marina taken fron castle wall.

The new town is also bustling with tourists with hotels, shops and restaurant. Jin stopped to shop and I went around to take photos.

The old Edwards building still standing in the town near the castle.

When everyone has finished we walked toward the car park but none of us remember whici one. So began the long walk looking for the car park. Finally after all feet were tired we found it, with a big sigh of relief.

But our visit didn't stop there. Mages drove us back towards Snowdonia to a town called Betsw-y-Coed. We didin't even know how to say the word which is in Welsh.

Another pretty town in north Wales with pretty scenery - Betws-y-Coed.

The calm river enjoyed by visitors during sunny days at Betsw-y-Coed.

Our day wasn't complete for Mages who has to stop at her friend's house to deliver muffins freshly baked by her the night before. We went home tired and happy. Thank you Mages for making our stay with you an enjoyable one.

North Wales - Snowdonia

2011-10-17T19:29:00.013+08:00

Jin and I planned to stay with Mages in Walsall for 2 days but stayed for a week instead. It was really nice seeing her again. She is working and living there for a few years already and never failed to look me up every time she comes back to Malaysia. So seeing and spending time with her was a treat for me.

Scenic drive to Snowdonia.

Another scenic drive to Snowdonia.

Mages suggested that we drive to Snowdonia, North Wales which she voted as one of the most beautiful places to see. We were not disappointed but the drive there was long through winding road. It took us 3 hours to reach Llanberis but the drive was scenic and awesome with jagged hills, lakes, rivers, farmlands and green open lands. I was bewitched by the scenery and wished I could stay for days.

Unfortunately, when we reached LLanberis ( pronounced as Klanberis), a tiny accident occurred when Jin backed out of a parking area, she banged at a car behind which came suddenly out of nowhere. There was no damage except a tiny winny scratch at the person's car but he was so nasty by insisting we damaged his paintwork. He was such an arrogant white man. That was the first and only time we encountered a nasty person in UK. Eng's tiny car has no dent or scratch at all. Anyway Jin didn't argue but gave him the insurance cover and declined to give her name and address and said we came from Malaysia.
After a long tiring drive, that incident spoiled our day and we had no mood to go around to see the place. We cooled off at Padarn Lake which is so stunningly beautiful to calm our nerve.
After coffee and lunch, we drove down to Llangollen (pronounced as Klangoklen) to see the town but at 5 pm everything was almost dead. Most shops were closed except one or two souvenir shops. Llangollen is another very pretty town near a river.
This is Lake Padarn, Llanberis.

Stunning Lake Padarn in Llanberis.

Llangollen town, quiet after 5pm, even tourists were few to be seen.

A friendly owner of a souvenir shop in Llangollen which was still open after 5pm.

A river runs across Llangollen town making it very scenic and alive with water activities even after 5pm.

Llanwst, another pretty town we came across.

A unique cafe by the roadside near the river at Llanwst covered by poison ivy which are turning red for autumn, on the way back to Walsall.

Though we had quite an upsetting experience, the visit was exciting and satisfying with fantastic beauty of the scenery all the way. By the time we reached Walsall, I counted 22 roundabouts we had to cross which we had to be ready to turn on the right turning. It was quite tiring and boring. Most country roads we passed are narrow with little or no road shoulder. Anyway we reached Walsall safe and sound. Mages has already cooked curry salmon heads and rice. Hmmmm, delicious.

South Scotland - Glasgow and Loch Lomond

2011-10-17T13:50:00.024+08:00

Taken at Springfield Quay with rows of holiday homes by the river - many left unattended and empty.

Bidding farewell to Edinburgh, we left early for Glasgow. Many people told us that there was nothing much to see in Glasgow but we decided to go anyway. The day was gloomy and cold. It rained all the way. It's not fair for me to say that Glasgow is uninteresting because we didn't actually explore the city. We stayed at Etap Hotel at Springfield Quay with very cheap rate, at 38 British pound per night for a room for 3 people. However the room and the hotel are clean and the people are friendly. What surprised me which my eyes couldn't believe, was the entrance to the hotel - very near dumpsters. We thought we made a mistake and drove around to find the hotel entrance. But that was the only entrance unless we drove to the sixth floor of the car park, I guess. The hotel reception is on the 6th floor.

Being very near a harbour, the scenery was quite pleasant.

Restaurants, cinemas, gambling house which is named 'Mecca' and riverside apartments are situated there. Unfortunately, for grocery we have to walk quite a distance to a supermarket in town. Since it was raining, we chose to rest our tired body by sleeping after taking a walk by the river.

The esplanade along River Clyde at the quay is pretty and good for walking exercise. The pedestrian bridge connecting the town to the other side of the river was attractive.

The pleasant esplanade by the river.

The pedestrian bridge connecting both banks of River Clyde at Springfield Quay.

The next day, 26 September, Jin and I drove out of Glasgow to Lock Lomond. We had heard and read how beautiful Loch Lomond is and we wanted to see it with our own eyes. The GPS couldn't register Loch Lomond and again it was stressful to me when we lost our way. We found a cab driver stopping by the roadside who was kind enough to log in Dumbarton in th GPS and told us that we would find our way to Loch Lomond by road signs. True enough we did. We had been lucky so far that every time we lost our way we found very helpful people to show us the right direction.
At Dumbarton, a small calm town, we stoppped at Dumbarton Castle but unfortunately it was closed under restoration.
Along the narrow path to the castle, we found blackberry shrubs bearing black berries. Unable to restrain ourselves we picked a few blackberries to taste. The thorny shrubs prevented us from going in further.

Dumbarton Castle was built on volcanic rock 335 million years ago. Originally of cooled lava blocking a volcano mouth, the softer rocks around it have been eroded leaving the hard rock where the castle was built prominently above the estuary. Over 1,500 years ago, the rock served as the centre of British kingdom of Strathclyde.

Jin at the Dumbarton Castle entrance.

The old cannon guarded the Castle.

The route to Loch Lomond was scenic with pretty villages and small towns. We reached Loch Lomond Shores successfully. Since the weather was sunny, there were a lot of visitors there. I wasn't very impressed with Loch Lomond, compared to Lake District, maybe because we didn't explore other parts of Loch Lomond due to time constraint. However it has beautiful, serene and gorgeous views.

At boat launching site of Loch Lomond Shores.

A playground at the mall in Loch Lomond Shores.

Stunning view of Loch Lomond with cruise boats standing by for passengers.

Jin relaxing at the lakeside of the mall in Loch Lomond Shores.

On the way back to Glasgow, we decided to detour to Stirling to see Stirling Castle and the town. Stirling Castle is part of historic Scotland where long time ago, kings, nobles and foreign ambassadors came to revel in the castle grandeur. But we didn't go into the castle, just stopped at the castle ground.

View of surrounding area of Stirling Castle. We stopped at the Castle ground without entering the castle proper.

At the ground of Stirling Castle.

We abandoned the idea of going to Killin to see the other side of Loch Lomond because it was getting dark and driving back to Glasgow would be a problem.

South Scotland - Edinburgh

2011-10-15T20:11:00.045+08:00

Scottish countryside on the way to Edinburgh.

From Penrith to Edinburgh, we passed almost flat land with gentle slope and green farmlands broken by patches of wooded pine trees. The scenery was a little different here but my photographs did not represent the beauty of the landscape as they were taken while the car was running. I realized that though the scenery looks the same they are different in so many ways. Jin commented that I took the same scenery again and again but I explained that they aren't. It may look the same to her but very different to me. I know that to travel, you must have companion that is of the same interest, otherwise there will be a lot of unwelcome comments. With the help of GPS, we sailed through into Edinburgh but was stuck when the road that we wanted to go wasn't in the GPS. We stopped to ask for direction. A group of Muslim men were going to Friday prayer and I stopped to ask one of them for direction. He was kind enough to tell me in detail where to go but it was quite confusing to me.

Another white lady came along and she was able to explain quite clearly where we should go.
Ardleigh House B&B is at Ferry Road. We managed to find the B&B at last. Like the lady said, this road is lined with so many Bed and Breakfast Guess houses. Ardleigh B&B was cozy enough but I wasn't so happy because there was no WiFiconnection in our small twin room. Bob, the caretaker, was not helpful enough when I asked for help. So for the whole duration of our stay in Edinburgh, we were cut off from outside world except for hand phones. By this time, I missed Rania and imagined that every little girl was Rania.

In front of Ardleigh House.

Ferry Road, Edinburgh.

Bob told us not to drive to the Royal Mile as parking was difficult and expensive. Instead, he advised us to go by bus which passed in front of the House. That was convenient. We paid 3. 60 British pound for a day's trip to any destination around Edinburgh, which is much cheaper compared to driving. Taking a bus, we went to the Royal mile. I was curious to know what Royal Mile is all about. Then I found out it's an area around Edinburgh Castle with history and attractions for tourists.

At the Royal Mile in front of Edinburgh Festival Fringe Office.

At the Royal Mile.

The first stop Jin made was to visit St. Giles' Cathedral which is also known as the High Kirk Of Edinburgh, the great Presbysterian church in Scotland.

History turned pub.

There were also many hop-on-hop-off buses which tourists can take for a small fee, departing at Waverly Bridge at regular intervals. We opted to walk around on our own. We wanted to familiarize ourselves to the place and browse through the shops.

The Waverly Bridge snuggled among historical buildings of Edinburgh.

Jenner's department store is housed in one of the prettiest old buildings in Edinburgh, situated opposite the Scott Monument.

The Waverly was once a 'new town' created about 200 years ago during George 111's reign. Now it's a part of pulsating modern Edinburgh though many of the buildings are old and intricately designed.

Scott Monument commands the skyline of Edinburgh. It's built in memory of Sir Walter Scott, the famous Scottish writer. There are 287 steps to the top of the tower and it's accessible to public for a fee.

The Scott Monument garden with people enjoying the precious sun.

Commanding view of Scott Monument.

A lonely Scottish blowpiper playing a tune hoping people would drop a penny or two as appreciation of his music. Background - Scott Monument and Waverly Bridge.

While walking, I heard someone spoke in Malay and I turned my head to see 3 young Malay girls conversing about something. I greeted them in Malay and we introduced ourselves. It's so good to meet people from my country who speak Malay. These girls are sisters from Trengganu studying in UK. They visited Edinburgh with their father who was the photographer. After a short chat, we moved on and I wished them good luck in their studies.

The next day we were in the long Q waiting to buy ticket to the castle. Hundreds of people were queuing up but the sale was fast. Jin and I bought tickets with discount for Senior Citizens. The castle ground was large and impressive and one can get lost in it. Armed with the castle map with brief explanations, we explored the castle on our own, occasionally stopped to listen to the explanation of some tour leaders to their groups.

Edinburgh Castle was built on solid volcanic rock with a number of twist and turn lanes surrounded by medieval city developed from early 12 century, built by King David 1. This is called the 'Old Town.'

Jin and I at the front of Edinburgh Castle.

Edinburgh taken from the top of the castle.

On the castle ground with panoramic view of Edinburgh.

On the castle ground.

Taken with a Scottish Guard after he played a haunting melody on his blowpipe on the palace ground.

Mons Meg, one of Europe's oldest siege guns that fired stones weighing 150kg. I think the Russian's gun is bigger weighing 40 tons which can be found in the Kremlin, Moscow.

We had a great time visiting the interesting sights in Edinburgh. Due to some misunderstanding about dates, we were not able to meet Ayshoda, Mages's daughter, who lived in Edinburgh. It would be more fun if she could take us around but maybe next time. Instead we took 2 different buses to see the places the bus went until late at night.

Lake District, UK

2011-10-15T01:06:00.037+08:00

Jin and I left for UK on 18 September 2011 on Gulf Air. We were staying with her sister, Eng, who has been living in UK for 42 years. She was kind enough to let us drive her car for our road trip to Scotland and around UK. After a day's rest to prepare for the trip, we left Grays on 21 September 2011 early in the morning for Windermere, Lake District. Armed with GPS, Jin drove but half way we panicked whether we took the right way, in spite of GPS help. We stopped at a petrol station to ask for direction but the petrol attendant, an Indian, wasn't interested to help but kept on talking on his cellphone. Disgusted, I approached a foreign-looking man and an English man for help.They gladly did so and punched in the GPS for direction but reminded us that it was a long way to travel which we were aware of.
Not used to using GPS, it was quite stressful at first. Jin drove and I helped to navigate. The day was good at first but weather changed so suddenly with rains. Mindful of the changing road speed limit, Jin drove carefullyly according to the speed limit. It was indeed a long drive - almost 7 hours before we reached Beech House B and B.
Beech House B&B is run and owned by husband and wife team - Maureen and Louis, a friendly
couple who tried to make our stay as comfortable as possible. We paid 60 British pounds per twin room per night. I highly recommended this B&B to anyone who planned to go there. Windermere is a pretty town bustling with tourists, so is Bowness and nearby towns like Keswich and Grassmere.

With Maureen at the dining room of Beech House.

Vegetarian breakfast at Beech House, Windermere.

Jin at Broad Road in front of Beech House ready to explore even though it was raining and cold.

Maureen suggested that we went to Bowness, about 15 minute drive there and see the lake. Bowness is indeed another attractive town by the lake busy with tourists from all over the world.

Sheep grazing in Bowness.

I decided to take a lake cruise on Windermere Lake from Bowness to Ambleside. It was worth it. Jin wasn't interested but preferred to windowshop around the town.

Lake cruise at Bowness, Lake District.

Taken from the lake cruise to Ambleside.

Taken from lake Cruise to Ambleside.

Another pretty lakeside view of Windermere lake.

The next day, 22 September, we drove to Keswick, another pretty town in Lake District.
The rows of B&B in Keswick beckoned tourists to stay in beautifully decorated houses.

The drive there was feasting to the eyes with green rolling hills, splatter of sheep here and there and cute houses nestled among the trees. The scenery was amazingly refreshing and I could just stay there and stare, good for my eyes.

Magnificent scenery of farmland and sheep on the way to Keswick, Lake District.

Picture perfect scenery along the way to Keswick.

Keswick is as attractive as it was said to be but the day was freezing cold. My woolen cover was not enough, so I bought a red jacket to see me through the cold weather. Serve me right for not wanting to bring my own jacket from home.

The same eye-catching scenery awaited us when we left Windermere for Edinburgh, passing through serene farmlands and small, cute towns such as Glenridding, Pooley Bridge and Ullswater. Indeed the route is scenic passing through the awesome Kirston Pass to Edinburgh.

At Glenridding, stopping to admire the scenery.

Jin at the Fiat car we drove on our trip, belongs to her sister. A sturdy car and economical on petrol as petrol is expensive in UK.

On the way to Penrith and to Edinburgh.

Passing through Kirston Pass to Edinburgh. 230911.

This is my dream home - a house by a gentle river. Found this in Pooley Bridge on our way to Edinburgh.

Ullswater Lake is another small touristy town. Photo shows a house a house by the river of Ullswater lake. The owner is one lucky guy. Enjoy my dream home. Just love the river and the placid surrounding.

Name dropping

2011-09-17T22:30:00.003+08:00

I Google the Art of Name Dropping and found many interesting articles, one of which is by Leila Mahfooz on 15 Nov 2009. She says name dropping is ' one of the best social skills available but one must proceed with caution.' I know what name dropping is but didn't know it's an art in doing it. Subtlety, she says, is the first principle of effective name dropping. Contacts with famous people are an asset. I have been out of social circle for so long that I am not able to relate to this. But one prominent incident came to mind.
A neighbour took so much pain to explain to me who her daughter is married to. She married at a late age (40) to a man much older than her. She mentioned that the son-in-law's sister is Tan Sri so and so who is the head of so and so company, whose brother is Dato' ...... , his uncle is a ...... and so on and so on. She asked me whether I know all those people whom she mentioned and I said 'No, none'. Honestly, I really don't know. Her surprised look seemed to indicate that I am so ignorant, 'Oh, you don't know his sister, Tan Sri...... always come out in newspaper, she is very well-known.' etc, etc. She made me feel stupid but am I stupid for not recognizing some titled people she mentioned? In God's name, I wasn't in the least interested who those people are and who her daughter is married to. I never asked nor bothered to find out. It's just none of my business.
Unfortunately I happened to see her that day and stopped to say hello. Then the story began.
What irked me most is the insinuation that I am not well-informed. I was polite enough not to tell her that I was not in the least interested.
What's going with this game of name dropping? I wonder why some people do it and for what purpose. I suspect name dropping, especially about influential and titled people, makes the person feel important and superior.
Leila Mahfooz said, 'If used imprudently, name dropping can turn into something similar to compulsive lying.' Time is most important. If you indulge in name dropping, wait for the right moment. I guess a lot of people use name dropping when they want something, such as 'Oh the Minister of ........ is my old classmate, he can help me to get this done.' I remember when I was working in Ministry of Education, many people name dropped when they want a favour. Thank God, I wasn't impressed then and definitely not now.
Another acquaintance has a habit of bragging about all her titled friends eg. the Datins, the Datos, the Puan Sris etc. Being involved in politics, I guess, open this door for her. I didn't really realize that was name dropping and how important titled people are to her until recently. We were on a group trip where we have an old close friend with us. Her new friend, a Puan Sri was also in this trip whom she befriended through her political involvement. It happened this Puan Sri and our old close friend felt sick one day. When she learned this, without pausing a moment, she grabbed hold a bunch of medicine and ran up the stairs to see the Puan Sri but never even bothered to look up our old friend who stayed just a few doors away. I was shocked. That was quite a personality revealing to me.
So, if you want to name drop, do it gracefully with an art. But ask yourself, do you need to hide behind the back of someone else to make you feel good?
If name dropping was a medicine, the package would certainly carry warning label "Use with caution. DO NOT overdose." (L. Mahfooz, 2009). For furtrher reading on name dropping, look at hubpages.com "What's in the Name" by Sue Adams.

Fear and over cautiousness

2011-09-12T18:08:00.007+08:00

According to internet source, fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something dangerous is likely to cause pain or hurt. It's a negative emotion which can cripple a person into immobility. But there is a positive side of fear, reasonable fear, that is, it helps to protect us and to be alert to imminent danger. Feeling of fear is very natural. It's a signal that cautions us to be careful.
But fear can also be a hindrance. It makes a person become over cautious. Over cautiousness is not the problem actually but what's in the mind, is. It may lead him/her to be fixated on one thing/aspect instead of taking in the whole picture which can lead to paranoid (internet source) An overcautious person is frightened to take risks, no matter how small the risk is. He/she feels so in secured and the mind works overtime by imagining something negative might happen if she/he does something that's not usual. So decision-making is painfully slow with thousands of 'what ifs'. Usually an overcautious person looks at the negative side of things first and slow to weigh the positive side of things or actions. Insecurity, lack of confidence, fear of unknown are some traits of overcautious person. It's hard to give complement to this type of person because he/she doubts the sincerety of the complement and feels embarrass to embrace it.
As an example, an overcautious driver can be dangerous because they are so fixated on themselves and not able to think about his/her effect on other drivers. They drive so slowly, react slowly which cause stress on the road and interrupt the flow of traffic.
In my life I have met a few over cautious people. Sometimes I do admire them for their 'thoroughness' but get irritated with their slowness in making decision. Having relationship with overcautious individuals always end up in conflict. I am just the opposite of over cautiousness. I take risks and made decisions fast, sometimes regretting them later but I accept it as mistake and take responsibility. To me taking risk is part of learning and learn from the mistake I make (sometimes quite costly) but well, mistakes are the teachers in life. As I grow older I learned to take calculated/educated risks so that the negative impact (if any) is less and I think I become wiser.
An old traveling friend was always angry with me for being bossy. I couldn't stand her slow decision on doing something which I have to wait for ages. She describes herself as being cautious but to me she was being overly cautious. Her attitude and unreasonable fear always dampen my spirit and stop me from doing what I wanted to do. I get frustrated sometimes. When traveling on our own I always researched first so that I know what to expect. She didn't. Because of that she is so frightened of taking or going somewhere unfamiliar, pulling me down along the way. Finally, I just couldn't take it anymore and so I decided to travel less with her as my companion.
Another traveling companion decided to cancel our travel plan because her friend told her the country that we are going to is cold and windy. This particular friend jumped at the feedback and decided to cancel the trip without even bothering to find out more. I was so livid. We planned and researched ( I sat in front of the computer till my back ached) for the trip, then without discussing it with me she made the decision to cancel. But I decided that with or without her I'll go ahead with my plan. After talking to some of her friends, her unfounded fear was proved baseless and she decided to go ahead with the original plan. Meanwhile, it was stressful for me.
Unfounded fear and negative thinking and over cautiousness are like 'doa'. It may happen if you think it too often because you WILL it to happen. It's like 'self-fulfilling prophecy'. To me if something is destined to happen, it will happen even if you're right in front of your doorstep. Feedback, well-meaning advice should be taken with a pinch of salt, find out more before you let fear conquer you. At the same time arm yourself with relevant information and doa mohon perlindungan dari Allah. When you fear too often of 'what ifs', you don't trust God.
Check HealingWell.com and read article by Ed Edelson about "Cautious Personality Might Boost Parkinson's Risk." It may help to open some mind about the effect of fear and over cautiousness on the mind, brain cells and physical well-being.

Grandchildren

2011-09-10T10:49:00.014+08:00

Lovely, demure Rania at 16 months. Is she going to be a heart-breaker when she grows up?

It's quite an experience being a first time grandma. Could I be an old hand at grandmothering for the second time? I don't think so. I think every birth of a new grandchild would bring new thrills in my life.

Rania is going to be a tall, willowy lass one day soon.

I am looking forward to be a second time grandma when Izrin's and Haidi's child is born. Rania is going to have a cousin to play and interact with.

Chom, my niece emailed me some quotes about grandmother. Some tickled me so much to read the truth in it. A Welsh proverb says ' Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild.' How true it is for Rania. My heart burst with love and devotion when she entered my life. It was a different feeling altogether than when I had my first child, Ika. My life revolves around Rania and miss her tremendously when I am away. I don't know how it would be like when I have my second grandchild. I bet it would be the same.

Rania is clearly a daddy's little girl and she adores her father, Justin. She loves being in the water with her dad whom she calls 'Dadda' or 'Daddy' according to her mood. It's so refreshing to hear her giggles when she plays with him.

Ika is such a gentle mother who adores Rania to bits. A devoted mother, she worries endlessly about Rania not eating well and brims with pride when people comment how pretty and cute Rania is.

Water, water - an excitement to Rania.

Rania is indeed a gorgeous little girl with huge inquisitive eyes with long eye lashes. I don't blame her mom for being proud. I am too. To me Rania is the princess with no faults. Lois Wyse said ' If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have them first .' How true! I hope Rania willl grow up level-headed and not a spoiled child getting anything that she wants.

Hannah Whithall Smith said, ' If becoming a grand mother was only a matter of choice, I should advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is no fun for old people like it!' Oh yes, I could enjoy grand motherhood sooner if my children decided to have children immediately. But I am thankful that Ika and Justin presented me one and another by Izrin and Haidi, insyaallah. My prayers go to them to have good, stable marriages so that they in turn can enjoy the pleasure of being grand parents.

I hope Rania will remember that 'Grandmother holds her tiny hand for just a little while, but her heart forever.' (unknown). She will soon learn that 'Grandchildren are God's way of compensating them for growing old.' by Mary H. Waldrip.

'A gandmother - a wonderful mother with lots of practice.' (Unknown).

Rania will sit on my lap after prayer and says ameen after I recite alfatihah.

Will Rania quote this unknown author one day - ' Grandparent's a similar to a piece of string - handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren.'? It's possible. She is doing just that with me. She does no wrong in my eyes.
Well my Rania and my would be grandchild, I am 'Grandmothers are just antique little girls'
Love you so much my little Jantung Pisang and my yet to be introduced grandchild. You complete my life.

After Aidilfitri prayer at Maz's house 300811

Back from vacation

2011-09-09T17:53:00.013+08:00

The primary school in Ubud. I guess the children are used of seeing tourists especially white tourists, around. They were oblivious of the strange people looking, taking photos or watching them.

The children of Sekolah Dasar I Ubud getting ready to go to class.
The school is clean and the children were given duties in group to sweep the compound and they did it happily. This is almost a non-existent sight in Malaysia. School children are not allowed to do cleaning or sweeping. The parents will complaint as they expected the school workers to do it - such unhealthy attitude. The richer the parents, the more they forbid their children to be involved in keeping the school clean. No wonder many Malaysian children are selfish and arrogant and have subsidy mentally regardless they are Malays, Chinese or Indians.

Maz and I spent 2 days in Ubud, Bali. This is our second time there. Ubud was bustling with tourists mostly whites and Australians. We stayed at the new Komeneka Rasa Sayang Hotel with large room. The service is superb. But the hotels are so close to one another and you can see the rooms next door. Next to Komeneka is the Graha Ubud Hotel and on the right is the Pertiwi Resort. Inspite of so many hotels, occupancy rate is quite high.

We walked to the market and to the old palace near the market. We weren't really keen to shop except for some souvenirs but love the massage and the body scrub. It was so cheap and so relaxing even though the place is very basic.

Maz shopping at Ubud market.

I found a shop tucked away along the narrow path to the spa specializing on cats of various forms. I told myself to stop collecting these cats but couldn't help but buy a cat key hook. I miss Mok so much and was looking for a miniature cat looking like him - none! Mok is still in my heart and no cat can match him.

We had our lunch at Cafe Mayan, just a door away from our hotel.

The food was great and the landscape was fantastic. It was green and the tables are cleverly arranged in cozy gazebos or sitting on the floor.

Maz relaxing at Cafe Mayan, Ubud.

The Monkey Forest was quite an attraction but we have been there before, so we passed. Old huge trees greet visitors at the entrance, such cooling sight. What attracted my attention was the drive from Seminyak to Ubud which took one and half hours. Along the road towards Ubud it was lined with old temples, carving workshops and clay work. Unfortunately we were not able to walk there and no photos were taken. It would be more interesting though.

2 days in Ubud was suffice for us. We were bored. Thank God, we flew home in the afternoon. My heart ached when I saw all my plants were wilting and dried for lack of water. The next day was a hard day for me, trying to revive my poor plants. I think they will survive again with much care.

3rd Raya in Bali

2011-09-05T20:48:00.010+08:00

Eidilfitri is always hectic, visiting relatives especially. On 2nd Raya, Izrin, Haidi and I went to Malacca to visit my brothers and sisters. We were caught up in a huge traffic jam. Alamak, tahun depan balik Melaka lepas seminggu Raya. Tak tahan duduk lama dalam kereta. But this Raya is like a family gathering. Almost everyone was at Bang Mahir's house which saved us much hassle to visit them. But to do this again next year, I don't think sooo.
Ika, Justin and Rania left for Bali on early flight 1st August whereas Maz and I flew on the afternoon flight. It was such a delight to see Rania who was always overjoyed to see me and her Mak Yang. Now she can say 'Mak Yang' already and sometimes Mak Yeng (like mat saleh's twang) and not Mak Ma anymore. Maz was delighted.
We checked in at Uma Sapna Villa (Papua) in Seminyak. The villa has a small privte pool and Rania was so eager to get into the pool. We have to be vigilant over her as she would run towards the pool to play in the water. I am not crazy over Bali. To me it's like any other place in Malaysia but it was a good place to get away. I love the placid atmosphere and the privacy - it's like a house on it's own.

Rania swimming with Mum.

The small private pool at Villa Papua, Uma Sapna, Seminyak.

Rania kissing herself at Papua Villa room.

Rania was so fascinated with the big painting in our room with a huge face of a fat man. She said 'Dada' to the picture associating it with her father. Justin was nothing like that but she was excited. We spent 4 days in Seminyak and on 4th September 2011, Maz and I moved to Komeneka Rasa Sayang Hotel in Ubud which is inland and green. Ika, Justin and Rania remained in Seminyak near the sea.

The beautiful garden of Mayan Cafe in Ubud, so unique.

I found a cat shop tucked away on a narrow lane to the massage and scrub spa in Ubud. Love being there.

Ubud is overflowing with tourists especially mat salehs. I don't see their fascination with the place but it's nice enough and cozy. Our hotel is new and the service is superb. One thing I like about Bali is the workers are all locals, there's hardly any foreign workers and they guarded their job closely by making tourists feel comfortable so that they return.
But after 2 days, I felt bored. I spent most time in Bali writing my working paper for PRS seminar in UMS and preparing the powerpoint.
I received a disappointing SMS from Jin who said we might cancel our driving trip to Scotland because her friend said it was cold and rainy. I was livid. She listens too much on what others advice though they meant well. She knows that we are going in late September and Scotland is cold by then. Isn't it normal? We should be prepared but not cancel the trip for that reason. After talking to Mages, she SMS me to say we are going driving as we originally planned.
Actually I don't understand the over cautiousness and the fear she is having and at age late 60s? It reminded me so much of my old friend who couldn't sleep the whole night when we stayed on a floating house on a quiet and isolated part of a lake. She imagined us being kidnapped and brought somewhere. I laughed at her ridiculous fear but since I traveled with her I have to accommodate her wish to leave immediately next morning. At this age, to me, such fear should not be in our mind.
I was able to relax when I received her SMS. However, I already decided whether she goes or not, I am still going on my own. I have no intention of letting someone's fear to stop me. Maz and I walked around Ubud and shopped a little. We went for body massage and body scrub at a dirt cheap price. I love it.
Thank you Maz for giving me this holiday at 5 star hotels. I enjoyed the hotel more than Bali itself.

Eid 2011/1432

2011-08-25T16:33:00.004+08:00

Children are taking over the decision-making process this year. They decided to celebrate raya in Bali. Unfortunately they got mixed up with the date for raya. We were supposed to go on second Raya but instead we are leaving on 3rd Raya. Poor Maz has to take extra day leave from work. Izrin and Haidi are not able to join us but will be spending raya with my side of the family this year on the first day of raya. Now they have to learn to take turn celebrating Raya between Izrin's family and Haidi's family. I am happy that they have this understanding. Haidi's father is not well suffering from kidney failure. I hope he is well enough to celebrate raya with his family.
I am quite overjoyed over the news that I am going to be a grandmother for the second time. Haidi is expecting and my youngest son is going to be a father. He is quite excited at the prospect. I guess he will learn what fatherhood is all about when the baby is born. Glad that Rania is going to get a cousin (but she needs a sister or a brother).
Jin Kim and I made a prompt decision when we had berbuka puasa at One Utama one evening. She is talking about visiting her sister in UK and invited me to come along so that we can travel together. I jumped at the idea and asked her to book cheap Matta flight to London after Raya. I want to go to Scotland and she hasn't been there too. The next day, she booked a ticket by Gulf Air to London at RM 2930 return. But she is coming back later than me so that she can spend more time with her sister. Looks like my traveling budget this year is over blown bursting to the seams but I don't care. This is my hobby and it makes me happy.
In the excitement of planning the trip to Scotland, I overlooked the date of my return to Malaysia. Looking at the itinerary, I understood that I am coming back to Malaysia on 10 October, but arrive KLIA at 9.40 am on 11 Oct. Suddenly I realised that I have to fly to Kota Kinabalu on the same day with 3.55pm. flight. That means I go home just to take another overnight bag and off again to KLIA. That's crazy. After much discussion with UMS, they are changing my flight to 10 pm and immediately after my paper presentation on 12 Oct, I'm flying back to KLIA and home for a much needed rest. I just hope I don't have jet-leg when I deliver my paper.
I hope we have good raya in Bali with Rania.
Selamat hari raya to all Muslims.

Berbuka puasa

2011-08-12T11:04:00.006+08:00

My humble hidangan berbuka puasa. 120811

Still in PD, fasting in peace alone and very relaxed but miss Rania a lot. Water supply is back but the newspaper warned it may be stopped temporarily anytime, while the watercatchment in Linggi is being repaired due to the freak storm previous Saturday. I stored water and ready to drive back to PJ if water trickles out.

Felt so sorry to hear a family was stricken with food poisoning when they buy food at a Bazaar Ramadhan. That's the problem with Malaysians, very low awareness on cleanliness and health. I remember last year, when I bought food at a bazaar Ramadhan in PD, I told the stall owner to cover her food. Instead of saying thank you, she scolded me and said 'susah orang nak beli'. I felt so disgusted and left and bought food at a stall where they covered their food.

I bet even today, so many of them disregard cleanliness. So, I don't go to Bazaar Ramadhan.

In PD, since I was alone, I cook my own berbuka puasa food- simple and healthy.

I cooked one day to last me for 2 days. I hardly have sahur, taking only drinking water and some fruit if I have it in the fridge. My favourite dish is curry salmon with brinjals or ladies fingers accompanied with salad, tomatoes and Japanese cucumber.

Yesterday I broke my fast with roasted marinated chicken, mushroom soup, salad and half papaya. I was happy. This is the advantage of living alone. I do thing as I please. I cook what I like without bothering whether the other person/s like it or not.

Pasar Ramadhan is exciting. This is where you can get food which you can't find in ordinary days and food is plentiful. There is a lot of wastage too. Just imagine the Somalians, Ethiopians and Kenyans who are starving. It's so heart-wrenching to see their photos and here we are wasting and eating excessively. This is not what Ramadhan teaches us. Maybe Malaysian Muslims should look back at themseleves and the way they practise Islam. Islam is not what you show outside but through your daily practice and your internal understanding of the teaching.

I am goig back to PJ this Saturday. Izrin and Haidi invited me, Ika, Justin, Maz and Rania for berbuka puasa at their apartment. This is going to be my first visit to my son's house since he got married and moved to his apartment last year. I don't even know how to go to his house. Waited for him and wife to invite me and family over but it took almost a year for him to do it. Anyway, I am pleased that finally they take the trouble to have a family berbuka puasa.

May we be good Muslims, insyaallah.

Puasa

2011-08-02T20:31:00.002+08:00

PD is still without water. Thank God I decided to come back to PJ. Puasa doesn't really change much in my daily activities. The only difference is I don't eat and drink from dawn to dusk, otherwise life is the same. The weather is scorching hot. Many of my plants are wilting inspite Ika watering them everyday. I know I got to get rid of some of them which sadden me. I took care of my plants like taking care of babies.

Rania has a new style of greeting and saying 'Nenek'. She will move her body forward and backward with big smile and says 'NENEK" My heart stops for a moment with so much love that I can't help from hugging her tight. She really makes me feel sooo good.

I plan to do my gym during puasa just before berbuka puasa but by the look of it, I don't think I want to do it. I felt tired and lethargic by the time berbuka puasa time is coming. I got to make up my exercise after raya, insyaallah.

First day of berbuka puasa, Maz came to join us. We discussed a bit on our trip to Bali on second Hari Raya. She makes all the arrangement. Justin, Ika, Rania Maz and I are staying at Seminyak in a villa. Two days later Maz and I are moving to another hotel in Ubud whereas Justin, Ika and Rania remain in Seminyak as they love the sea. This is my second holiday in Bali. 10 years ago I went there with Ika.

Selamat Berpuasa to all Muslims.

Storm

2011-07-30T19:19:00.008+08:00

The tranquility of Paradise Lagoon Apt in Port Dickson was shattered when a violent storm erupted this afternoon. It was frightening. The wind and heavy rain came in huge gushes blowing roof tiles away, toppling trees and felling tree branches. After 25 minutes of havoc, suddenly the wind and the rain stopped and the situation came back to normal as if nothing happened, leaving trails of fallen trees and branches and gaping roofs.
The ceiling of PD Ascot office collapsed just before the Manager ran out of the room. Her cleaners reported a big wave hit the ground floor of Block H which is open to the sea. Lucky it was low tide.
I couldn't actually see what was happening as the heavy rain and strong wind shielded my view. Potted plants in my balcony toppled and 3 of my balcony roof tiles were blown away, leaving a gap that allowed rain water to pour vigorously on my balcony. I have to close the sliding door or else the strong wind would let the rain water invade my living room.
There was an event at the army camp (I don't actually know what it was) officiated by the Prime Minister. The storm interrupted the event and created havoc damaging the tents, resulting in some people getting hurt. I'm not sure how accurate I am but after the storm calmed down, there was a huge traffic jam leading to Telok Kemang.
I decided to walk to town for 3 reasons. If I drive, when I come back I mightn't have parking space as more visitors are coming. Second reason, I don't want to get caught up in traffic jam and finally I need the exercise. Anyway, it's good that I go out. There was no electricity and hope it will not last until night. Thank God, electricity supply was back to normal by 6 pm.
I live in a resort but it's a NO star resort. Weekends, public and school holidays are madness where you can see the disgusting behaviour of some selfish Malaysians as if the resort is free for all. The unit next door was rented to a few Chinese men who were drunk and one of them must have urinated in my flower pot outside the door. The stink was so revolting. I threw the whole pot in rubbish bin and cursed the &%$#rd.

They barbecued and brought out apartment chairs and tables out but left them there and left the place in such dirty condition. The crows were having great time picking the left over food. That's Malaysian attitude - so disgustingly selfish. And they are educated people who spoke English fluently!!

The apartments below me were flooded. I saw the people frantically scooping water out. This is the result of irresponsible behaviour of owners and visitors. They took away the cover of draining pipe, leaving the hole open. So anything can go in including paper cups, spoons, rubbish etc, thus blocking the flow of water. When will these Malaysians have conscience and change their behaviour?

Scooping water out of flooded balcony.

One of the trees fell during the storm at the lagoon.

Blessing in disguise. Complaints have been made many times to the Manager to pull down all the dried coconut leaves but complaints fell on deaf ears. The storm ripped all the dried and young coconut leaves. They were thrown all over the place. I hope the workers will clean the place soon.

Tomorrow I have discussion with ex-colleagues and students on a book writing project about adolescents' challenges . I hope they will get parking space and the discussion is fruitful.
On Sunday morning, there was no water supply. It seems after the storm, a big pipe burst and the whole of PD and Seremban is without water for 2 days at least. So after the discussion, I decided to drive back to PJ.

Summer Travel 2

2011-07-27T23:03:00.012+08:00

Bay of Cascais, Portugal

15 years ago, I visited Portugal and took the opportunity to meet Sandra, Ika's pen-friend who lived in Evora quite near the border to Spain. They're still keeping in touch until now but have no opportunity to meet yet. I still remember driving in Lisbon. It was a nightmare, not knowing the language. I have forgotten actually the places we went but was glad that the tour took us there. Leaving Toledo to Badajoz, we stayed overnight in Badajoz. Early the next morning, we crossed the border to Lisbon, There was no border check, so the drive was smooth.

Before going to Lisbon, we detoured to Fatima. Since there were many roman Catholics in our group, this detour was meaningful to them. They believe this is where the three children saw an apparition of a saint, so a chapel was built and the area grew, making it world famous for congregation of Roman Catholics. My friend Fatimah bought a bag inscribed 'Fatima' all over. It wasn't a place of interest for us and we spent our time looking around the shops which sell all kinds of Christian prayer items. It was quite a boring time looking around, for us non- Christians.

We left Fatima for Cabo da Roca, the westernmost point of mainland Europe, an exciting visit. The Atlantic ocean was open and bluish in colour and in a good day a fuzzy view of America can be seen. The winding uphill road ended at the lighthouse. The wind was so strong that could push you away but the view was spectacular.

At the very windy Carbo da Roca, Portugal.

On the way back we were taken through
the Estoril coastline via Cascais Bay and saw some beautiful scenery that took our breath away. A hot summer day, there were a lot of sun worshippers at the beach. Later the tour bus took us to Lisbon.

A quaint hotel by the Bay of Cascais.

View of Cascais Bay, Portugal.

Tired, Ces and I decided to stay in and go to bed after dinner. Some young members went out to see the shops and the city near the hotel.

Jeronimos Monastry, Lisbon, a UNESCO World Heritage.

Another long hot day, we went to Jeronimos Monastery, a UNESCO World Heritage where Vasco da Gama was buried. This was where we were introduced to the tasty Portuguese tarts. On the way, we saw the 25th April Bridge (formerly named Salazar bridge after the Portuguese dictator) which looked like the San Francisco red bridge.

We stopped at Balem Tower,

and the monument of Navigator at Tagus River and later tasted a delicious Portuguese seafood for lunch. It was heavenly!

After sumptuousPortuguese lunch, with huge Portuguese flag at the background..

Portuguese children waiting to visit Balem Tower, Lisbon.

In the evening, some members went for shopping in the city but Ces and I opted to sleep early to prepare for another long journey to Serville. By the end of this Portugal and Spain tour, though beautiful, I had enough of cathedrals and churches to last me for a long time to come. Inspite of that I still had opportunity to do my prayer at the hotels where we stayed.

Travel in summer

2011-07-23T22:11:00.014+08:00

My excitement to see east Europe fell flat, as 4 of the original group members of 12 withdrew last minute. So the tour leader had to cancel the trip as 8 people will be more costly. I was so disappointed. The neatly packed luggage was left open on the floor in my room. My brain has already registered that I would travel somewhere in June and July. So when a group tour to Spain and Portugal was suggested, I jumped at the idea. With Cecily as my travel companion, we joined Parlo Tours and left Malaysia for Madrid on 9 July. The flight was boring as usual with stop-over in Doha, 6.45 hours plus 7.30 hours flight time.

Arriving in Madrid in the morning and straight touring the city was no fun. Tired and sleepy, the 20 of us were excited and wide awake looking at hot summer Madrid.

Since it was Sunday we weren't able to go inside Plaza de Toros, the famous bullfight ring. I was glad. I have always felt disgusted at how cruel humans are, killing the bulls with thousands cheered gleefully. If it is done in a Muslim world, I am sure the west will carry smear campaigns throughout the world, condemning Islam mercilessly. I was relieved when in Barcelona, the local tour guide told us that bullfighting is banned in Barcelona from August 2011. I hope the rest of Spain and Portugal will follow suit.

With Cesily, my travel companion in front of Plaza de Toros, Madrid.

For football fanatics, a visit to Bernabeu Stadium, home of Real Madrid football club was a bonus. A pity it was Sunday and the stadium was closed. I was impressed throughout my travel in Spain and Portugal, to see so many old beautiful buildings still standing and are well taken care of. The wrought iron works of the balconies are superb and so are the mosaic. But mosaic works are more intricate and gorgeous in Iran.

I have been dreaming of seeing Andalusia (remind me of M. Nasir's haunting song) particularly the Alhambra palace and garden in Granada (capital of Andalusia), and the Mesquita in Cordoba where the pillars of the old mosque (now a church) resembled the pillars in Masjid Medina. The old Mihrab for azan was still there intricately carved with Quranic verses. The Mesquita was once a symbol of Islamic greatness during the Umayyad Dynasty. Alhambra doesn't let me down. It was beautiful and a sheer pleasure to see it. I was displeased greatly that my photos do not turn out good and they do not

do justice to the beautiful places and scenery that I took. My fault - I am a lousy photographer with a lopsided eye-level.

Alhambra, Granada one of the water features in the palace.

One area of Alhambra garden.

In Seville, I climbed the 34 ramps (not steps) of flight to the top of Giralda Bell Tower, once a minaret, the only Muslim heritage left in Seville, now the church bells ring there. The rest of the mosque has been demolished for Seville Cathedral. The Alcazar palace, the Archives and the Seville Cathedral are proclaimed as UNESCO World Heritage in 1986.

The Muslim ablution area is still there in the orange courtyard in Seville Cathedral.

Part of Seville Cathedral.

Tomb of Christopher Colombus in Seville Cathedral. Cesily is trying to read the inscription - in Spanish.

Narrow walkway in Seville is beautifully decorated with hanging flowers.

At the UNESCO World Heritage complex in Seville - Seville Cathedral, the Archives and the Alcazar (the palace).

Cordoba - the entrance area of the Mesquita (old mosque), majestic and intricate.

The Mihrab in Mesquita, Cordoba. The beautiful Quranic inscriptions are still intact. The azan didn't need help from a microphone. The sound of azan was carried away and out through the natural sound system through the wall.

The central dome near the Mihrab in the Mesquita, Cordoba - magnificently designed and crafted.

Rows of olive trees along the way from Cordoba to Granada. Bought some olive shampoos and body milk to bring home at stop area in Lija.

The Arts and Science Complex Center in Valencia, the biggest in Europe, is awesome. The outer complex alone can take your breath away - it's huge and modern.

The exterior of the complex leading to the entrance.

The Arts and Science Center Complex, Valencia.

In the Arts and Science complex Center, Valencia with Claire Wong, the young tour leader.

With Paulo, the capable Portuguese bus driver who made sure his passengers were safe. Thank you Paulo.

Here in Valencia, we were introduced to Spanish traditional food, the paella, a rice seafood so delicious, for lunch.

But best of all. I love Toledo, a former Spanish capital. The old city is bubbling with history and quint buildings. Here I bought a few pieces Damascuni jewelery, handcrafted in gold and black gold. The art was brought by the Muslim Syrians into Spain.

With newly met friends from Ipoh. Left: twin Nana, mom Fatimah and twin DeeDee at Toledo lookout point.

The last lapse of my journey was Barcelona, bursting to the seams with summer tourists especially at Sagrada Familia Cathedral which is still under construction, uncompleted even after 108 years. The city is gorgeous, clean and the roads are cool, lined with trees and parks. After visiting the Olympic stadium, we went to Montjoic to enjoy the overview scenery of Barcelona.
I tried to get in Hard Rock Cafe but I couldn't go past the main entrance. The place was sardine-packed with tourists as if they were given free gifts. It was madness. Anyway, shopping in Spain is not cheap when the exchange rate was RM 4.20 to one Euro.

View of Barcelona from Montjoic.

The Olympic Stadium, Barcelona.

Port Olympic, Barcelona.

At the background, the palace turned museum.

The Casa Battlo. The house remodeled by Antoni Gaudi which was turned to museum in Barcelona.

One of the pretty old buildings in Barcelona city.

With Fatimah, daughter DD at Park Guell, Barcelona - a fascinating park with quint, creative architecture.

This tour was like a passing river. I would like to do a leisurely visit one day especially in Seville Granada and Cordoba. There are still so many interesting places we were not able to cover. One day maybe. Insyaallah. But always remember, don't go in summer - hot and crowded.

Sashi's visit

2011-07-05T04:41:00.005+08:00

It's such a long time since I last wrote this blog. Though much has happened, I have no mood to punch in the computer keys. But today at 3.00 am I woke up suddenly and remember that I have left my passport and some Euro money in my PD apartment. I am leaving for Spain and Portugal on 9 July, so passport is crucial. I must apologise to Sashi for not being able to take her to Pasar Seni. We may do Twin Towers at 9 am and then I drive back to PD.

It was a pleasure having Sashi with me. She arrived from Tokyo on 27 June and from then on it was hectic programs taking her to see the interesting sights in KL and Melaka like Batu Caves and Orchid Garden.

Yesterday we went to Kuala Gandah Elephant Sanctuary, my favourite place. The centre has been upgraded with new outlook, more attractive but still no entry charge, much to to Sashi's surprise that Malaysia provides so many free access, unlike in Japan and in many other countries. I think Malaysia is suffering from unplaced generoisity. It was fun day for both of us. I know riding the elephant bareback is an experience and thrilling for her. Bong and Siput didn't take part in the show. We arrived back in PJ just before the traffic rush.

On 29 and 30 June, we spent our time in Melaka, staying overnight at Malacca Straits Hotel, a boutique hotel just opposite my old school, High School Malacca. I took her visiting most of the historical sights but I had a very pleasant surprise cruising Malacca River, my first experience. I think Melaka is a beautiful city, befits the status of World Heritage city. Raised in Melaka, I was quite a stranger in finding my way around as the city now as it has changed tremendously since I was in school some 40 years ago.

One interesting place not many tourists or locals pay a visit is the 108 years old timber palace in Sri Menanti, Negeri Sembilan which was built without using a single nail. I took Sashi there. I just wish the workers there pay more attention in keeping the palace spick and span. I found curtains were loose from the hooks, not hang properly back, windows, wooden staircases are dusty, not dusted and many more corners that need cleaning. Instead I found them having good chat at the open ground floor. Seems like working there is just 'makan gaji' with little commitment. What a pity. The garden is very pretty especially looking down from the top level.

Sashi is leaving Malaysia on 7 July and I have to pack for my trip. I hope Sashi is happy visiting my beloved country even though it was hot. One thing she has learned for sure is eating some hot food and loving chilli sauce.

Thank you Sashi for paying me a visit and I hope you will come again.

The Quran and I

2011-05-06T20:25:00.005+08:00

When I am back in PD, I have much time to myself, occupied with watching TV, surfing the net or going out for fun to overcome boredom. I have more time to do some reading. There are a number of books on my shelf not read for lack of time and focus. I recently bought another new book entitled The Quran and I. This is an enjoyable light reading with heavy messages. Not a preaching book on Islam but a semi autobiography by the author, Anas Zubedy, who relates his life and ideas to the teaching in the Quran. Not being a proficient scholar on Islam and the Quran, I found this book is an opening for me and I am learning more about the Quran and compare it to the many rigid beliefs of the Malay Muslims who portray Islam as a rigid, uncompromising and static religion. This approach not only frightened the non-Muslim, it frightens me too, making me question, is Allah that unmerciful? This is so contradicting. I was taught to recite 'Bismillahir rahman.....' everytime we do anything. Isn't Allah is all loving and merciful but why some Muslims make it sound as if Allah is so merciless? There are so many dont's and judgmental 'I am holier than thau' attitude that disgust me. Anyway, I am a staunch Muslim and will practice it as I was taught.

Motherhood

2011-05-05T21:22:00.003+08:00

I think Ika is a great mother. Like many mothers, her focus is on her child and Rania is Ika's world, just like Ika, Maz and Izrin to me. Now she understands what motherhood means and one day she will tell Rania (and her other children, I hope) that she would protect her with her own life if need be. I saw how upset she was when Rania refused her milk and her food. She would shed tears of worry - worry that her child would be under-nourished and does't develop accordingly. She is over-reacting actually because Rania has her moments - one moment she rejects milk and food and the next, she would be looking for it. By the way, Rania's 'nak' is not applicable most time. She just turned away when Ika gave her her milk. So mummy Ika gets upset and worries her daughter would go hungry. But Rania knows. She will take her milk and food eventually, especially when she feels hungry. The trick is, Ika has to be patient and not get agitated when Rania rebels against taking her milk and food. Be ready darling Ika, your little daughter will express her needs in her own way. She really has a mind of her own.

Rania takes much of Ika's time. Her huge playpen is almost non-functional. Rania refuses to stay inside even though there is heap of toys. Someone has to be in with her or otherwise she would cry. She loves having her dad with her in the playpen, jumping on him, playing and giggling so deliciously. To her, dad means play and fun and she loves having Justin around. Mummy and Nenek are almost invisible then.

Now that Ika is a stay at home mother (she sacrificed her career) she has more time to train and develop Rania and Rania is one lucky baby for having a devoted mom. Concerned that she might not acquire social skills in relating to other children and people, Ika enrolled her in a play group called gymboree in Bangsar Village. It seems Rania enjoys her session there. My angel grand daughter is a dancer. Any sound of music would bring natural reaction from her, swaying her body as if dancing to the music. Every time she comes into my room, she will point to the CD player for her songs and she would happily swing and shake to the music. She looks absolutely angelic. Ika has been talking about sending Rania to learn Malay classical dance but it's hard to find such class in KL. We hardly hear of classical Malay dance for kids but heard a lot of ballet, dance, Indian classical dance, Chinese dance but where is classical Malay dance? Is it a dead art? Do we have to go to Terengganu or Kelantan to learn it. Isn't anybody interested to promote our own dance culture? I will encourage my grand daughter to pursue this art if she is interested. This is a dying art and we need to revive it. It's part of our identity and we should be proud of it. Anybody knows where we can find a classical Malay dance class in KL and PJ or anywhere near?

Looking forward to go back to PJ to see my Jantung Pisang.

Looking forward for Shasih's visit in July.

Biar Orang Cina Pimpin Islam

2011-04-24T15:36:00.004+08:00

While spending time looking for reading materials at a bookstore in Jusco Seremban Dua, I found this book. The title caught my eyes and heightened my curiosity. Written by Ann Wan Seng, a Chinese Muslim, he debated on dakwah and how Islam is being perceived by Malaysian Chinese. Though many of his points I have talked informally before, looking at them in print confirmed my thinking. To read this book you must have an open mind and not get defensive with the written words.
To me, this book is straight forward and honest though in certain aspects or part it was written vaguely. I supposed the author was careful not to offend the Malays and it was written tentatively. The important issue discussed was why Islam is not openly accepted by the Chinese whereas they are the second majority race in the country. The Chinese live side by side with Muslim Malays and yet they shy away from Islam. In fact many do not have positive outlook on Islam and view it with suspicion.
As I see it, the problem is rooted on the belief that Islam is Melayu whereas Melayu is a race and Islam is a religion which belongs to whoever believe it, regardless of race. In fact many Malay Muslim are hypocrites who profess to be Muslims but in their daily life, behaviour, attitude and practices do not reflect true Muslims. They used Islam as an excuse for their own ends. This is so revolting. That's the reason why non-Muslims have screwed view of Islam.
The author also talked about how berdakwah. Dakwah cannot be done in an air-conditioned room, pendakwah has to be in the society, living it and showing good examples as Muslims. That's why I believe, the Christian missionary is successful in converting the Ibans who live deep in the jungle of Sarawak. The so called Malay Muslim missionary refused to do so with thousand excuses, not willing to live in isolated places with little income but they are good at talking and finding faults. The author said 'akhlak adalah senjata yang paling berkesan bagi menundukkan orang Cina dan sesiapa sahaja tanpa mendatangkan kecederaan dan kematian.' Aren't back-stabbing, dengki, corruption, judging, policing other's behaviour, arrogance by thinking they are alim and superior and putting people down are examples of poor akhlak but yet many Malay Muslims practice this. I have interacted with so many so call orang alim who pray, fast, go to umrah and Haj, ceramah on Islam and yet their behaviour, attitude and practices are so unislamic. Pejabat Agama Islam, Mahkamah Syariah, some mosques are so intimidating that going there is like jumping into a gaping hole. Why????
The author said it is easy to attract the Chinese to Islam if life examples shown are worthy, the muslims understand the Chinese culture and belief and they present Islam not as an intimidating religion but a religion as practiced by Rasullullah.
I hope this book is translated to English and Chinese and other languages so that more people will understand what Islam stand for.
The Malays have to look at themselves with all sincerety to be good Muslims. We should pay attention to this statement, ' Orang Cina berjaya kerana mereka saling bekerjasama sedangkan orang Melayu menemui kegagalan kerana sesama mereka saling berusaha untuk menjatuhkan antara satu sama lain.' How true. As a joke many say most Malays hold the title PhD (perasaan hasad dengki). Aren't we ashamed of ourselves?
But who am I to talk about Islam?

Resolved?

2011-04-23T23:08:00.002+08:00

My 3 children were surprised that this old issue surfaced again when I brought it up in the family conference tonight. I decided to talk to them, at least to ease my anxiety and to find some amicable resolution. They were not pleased that I kept this to myself for sometime creating unnecessary anxiety and depression. In actual, fact I was towing with the idea of sharing this with them as I didn't want them to be burdened with my issues. All three unanimously expressed displeasure of my decision to keep this to myself. Izrin turned on me saying I should practice what I told them to do - to share and not to be by myself when I feel depressed, that I shouldn't stay alone in PD, that I should come back to PJ and keep myself occupied with Rania and gardening. Oh well, sometimes I forgot that they are not young children anymore. Ika pointedly told me this that they are matured thinking adults and I should trust them. I was amazed at their responses and felt proud thinking that I must have done something right in bringing them up, being loving and caring children.
The action-oriented Maz quickly acted on the issue and sms me later saying the issue will be resolved and that I am not to worry anymore. She will take care of it. I believe her but will be more at ease if I get some kind of firm confirmation that the claim is dropped unconditionally. I know if there is any condition attached to it I'll protest.
I feel more at peace with myself now. Rania also helped me tremendously. She was so excited seeing me, calling 'nenek' and impatiently waited for me to carry her. It was so great seeing my little 'jantung pisang' again, a one year old chatterbox (in her own language).
I had an AGM in Port Dickson in the afternoon. Being one of the council members, my presence counted. It was a good meeting with 2 new owners join force. The resort needs more experienced and dynamic owners to volunteer as council members. Functioned as a voluntary council member for 2 years in the management, is an eye-opener experience but quite frustrating. Decisions made in MC meeting are slow being enforced by the manager, many owners default in paying service charges and lack of management supervision. I hope 2011 will be a better year and we are able to upgrade the resort.

Elderly anxiety

2011-04-20T11:21:00.002+08:00

I was browsing through internet to understand more of elderly anxiety. There are a few interesting articles and I was looking for something that has connection to my situation now. According to Mike Sherry, a psychologist, among the elderly, situations like conflict-laden relationship, difficulty performing important obligations or frustrating cognitive tasks often brings about anxious feelings. Admittedly I am suffering from anxiety due to unresolved relationship problem rooted in several years ago. I am feeling so disgusted, angry and disappointed that greed and vengeance can consumed a person beyond reason. According to Sherry, anxiety can cause severe distress over a period of time and disrupt the lives of individuals suffering from them. Oh yes, that's me alright.

For the past 10 years I have a fulfilled life, at peace with myself, doing things that I like to do without bothering my children or anybody else and enjoying Rania's presence. And suddenly my peace of mind was shattered with a lawyer's letter that threatened my stability and my children's. I am not interested to rake old stories as I believe it should be buried in the past and what's important is the present and the future. My presence life is calm and joyful and the future I don't know. Unfortunately, my future now becomes so unstable due to past greed and vengeance. I know, not everybody can just leave the past and let it rest but my case was simple. It boils down to acceptance, generosity and kindness, for attacking me means attacking my children's inheritance as well. I am a mother and will not jeopardize my children's rights, no matter what. I don't crave for material possession but would like to keep what I have and have worked for, for my children. I guess inilah salah satu sebab mengapa orang Melayu lambat maju ke hadapan disebabkan busuk hati, dendam dan rasa puas melihat sasarannya (orang Melayu juga) menderita atau hilang segalanya.

I promise myself I am going to fight this and will not let this ba***rd get to my mind and consume my sanity. I have gone through that life before. I don't want to be the victim of depression or mental break down. This is another attempt to break me.

I am suffering from mild anxiety now as I am able to function and trying to find ways to overcome it. But it causes me severe distress for a few weeks now, robbing my night sleep and my peace of mind and physical strength. I don't know how my eye pressure is like. I suspect it will go up due to tension. My eye checkup on 25 April will tell my situation.

Please pray for me that I'll get out of this problem with triumph.

Happy birthday, my poppet

2011-04-17T14:53:00.014+08:00

Seemed like it was just yesterday I heard your faint wail in the delivery room in Pantai Hospital on 16 April 2010. Rania, you protested for being yanked out into this world from the comfort of your mom's belly. That day, you made me and your parents the happiest human beings on earth. From that day on, you hold my heart in your little hands, my angel.

Saturday 26 April 2011, you are one year old. You have grown taller, establish your personality and know what you want and don't want, which sometimes frustrated your mom. You're such a picky eater, wanting to play most of the time and rebel against going to sleep if you were not ready. I was in cloud nine when you saw me in the morning, you clapped your hands and say 'Nenek'. You're my world. I was so lucky having you when Mok died. Your presence lightened my depression of losing him but sad that you missed him too and kept calling his name over and over again.

Thistle Resort Port Dickson was the venue we celebrated your birthday. Your parents took you for a splash in the sea and in the pool in the morning. You had a great time, I was told. When I came in the afternoon you were tired and after you had your milk, you promptly fell asleep in my arms. You were so adorable!

In the evening, Mak Yang, Pak Su, Mak Su and I came over to celebrate and cut your birthday cake. Your mom bought you a cute ladybug choclate cake and we celebrated with our drinks. We sang happy birthday but we knew you didn't get what's the fuss about and you tried to grab the cake. You mom blew the single candle for you.

We opened Pak Su's and Mak Su's present and it was a beautiful white party gown. I changed you into the gown and you looked so angelic. The big mirrors in the restaurant became an attraction and you admired your reflection there.

The party broke up when you became tired and grumpy and it was time for your nap. We bade goodbye with million kisses.

May you have many more birtdays my lovely..

Rania

2011-04-14T11:17:00.007+08:00

Rania is going to be 1 year old on Saturday 16 April 2011. She has acquired a few skills that sometimes frustrate her mom, Ika. Look at the Child Ego State where the Little Professor is found. I am talking about Transactional Analysis. Watch how the little person manipulates mom, dad and especially grandma. That's how some adults play this game of manipulation to get their way. Rania knows that Nenek will melt under her huge eyes when she wants something. So when mom says no, it's Nenek she turned to. I can't help it from giving in, she is so adorable.
This morning when I came out from my room, Rania saw me and she clapped her hands and said 'Nenek' so happily with a big smile on her face. How to resist her?
Taking her to the mall or anywhere is quite a handful. She has a will of her own and drag my hand to go where she wants to go. She got a lot of attention and admiring glances, most commented on her huge eyes and long eye-lashes and her fair skin. I think my little grand daughter is going to be a ravishing beauty when she grows up.
Last Sunday, I saw how a mother reacted when she thought her child was in pain. Ika is a superb mother though she complained that raising Rania is a handful. She panicked seeing Rania suffered. Somehow Rania went through this phase of refusing to take milk, eat or drink. As a result of lack of fluid in the body, she constipated badly. For 3 days, she tried to move her bowels but failed because of hard stools. Poor Rania, she cried in pain. Child clinics were closed on Sundays. Justin was in Sydney attending a workshop, so Ika, still in her night dress, and I have to rush Rania to Assunta Hospital Emergency and the doctor inserted enema which made her poo a few minutes later. That night she took her bottle after a strike for the last few days. It was such a relieve to see her back to normal.

However, Rania is still a choosy eater. The amount of noise, baby talks, sing-songs, Ika has to do when feeding her is like talking to a house full of kids. Coaxing Rania to eat is a big job.
I told Ika that Ifelt the same way when at 3 months, Maz constipated and I have to rush her to Universiti Hospital emergency very early in the morning. I suppose Ika understands a bit now what mother's love is, having Rania teaching her. When it comes to child safety and welfare, a mother will forgo comfort, style, looking good, self-safety and food until she is confident that her child is OK.
Every n0w and again, Rania will call out 'Mok' and looks for him at the back room. She will point out where Mok was buried but doesn't know the concept of death. It breaks my heart to see her missing our Mok. I miss and still in pain of losing him. No other pet will be able to replace my Mok. While writing this I am under great anxiety over old unresolved issues but I don't have Mok in my lap to talk to. I miss you tremendously, Mok!!!!!!

Rest in peace, my love

2011-04-06T23:14:00.006+08:00

I felt a part of my soul is buried together with Mok today. We buried Mok in the garden in my flower patch near to Raisa's grave. Izrin came to dig the grave and we bade a simple farewell to him. I caressed his luscious hair on his dead body, watched by Rania on my lap. Rania didn't know that she was seeing Mok for the last time. My beautiful Mok, my companion, my listener who never judged me and who had delighted me and the family for 15 years. When I was in Kuching for more than 6 years, Ika took care of him with Izrin's help.

When Raisa died last year in June, Izrin crumbled and that was how Ika and I felt today. I have not got over the pain and the regret that I could bid a better farewell before he left us, that I should realize that he was bidding goodbye when I visited him yesterday.
Maybe some people may not understand why I was so upset, sad and depressed over a dead cat. Mok is not just a cat. He was a family member and lived with us full time for 15 years. We could never find an adorable cat with such placid temperament as Mok.
I have no mood to make his grave pretty today and I don't want his trays and food bowl to be taken out from his toilet. When I see those trays and bowl, I feel Mok is coming back. He just went away somewhere for a break.

Rania adored his photos hanging on my wall in the room and kept calling Mok and pulled at the photos. Mok is there somewhere knowing that he is very much loved and missed. Only those who have strong attachment to their pets will understand my emotion and feeling now -pain and a sense of loss and I still cry.
Mok bonded my children and me. Wherever we were together Mok and Raisa were the topic of our conversation. We saw him grew from a glistening tiny kitten to a big thick hair grown cat who was housebound and loving. My students used to say when they see a picture of Mok in facebook, they know it was me. I felt so proud showing him off as he was such a beautiful cat. Almost everyone we met wanted to hold him and rub his thick hair. Mok didn't know how to bite or scratch and he enjoyed being cuddled.
Ika reminded many times not to adopt any more cats. Beside being a long term big responsibility, the emotional turmoil seeing the pet cat sick, injured or die is so great. We have gone through this many times and Mok was the most tortured experience, I have ever felt as Mok has a special place in my heart.

I am having a hard time to tell Rania that Mok is gone forever. How do I tell an 11 months old little girl this?

Rest in peace my adorable Mok.

Forever in my heart

2011-04-05T21:39:00.007+08:00

I can't stop my tears streaming down my cheeks. I felt so heart broken and sad that my cuddly fat Mok died at 8.55 pm at UPM Vet Hospital tonight due to critical renal failure. Dr. Nurul, who knows Mok, called to say that Mok has stopped breathing. My world crashed. I was hoping to bring him back after he gets well and I was optimistic that he would make it and returned home for Rania to play with.

Rania is calling 'Mok' everyday and every cat picture is Mok to her.
We found out that Mok suffers kidney failure after Raisa died of the same ailment on 15 June 2010. Izrin was crushed and we mourned her. We brought Mok for blood test after that and the doctor confirmed that Mok is suffering from renal failure too, at a critical stage. We were ignorant of feline renal problem, not because we didn't care. From then on Izrin, (with Haidi's help), Ika and I took turn to take Mok for dialysis twice a week. We wanted him to live forever.

For 15 years Mok brought joy and pride to us. To me, he was my therapist - a superb listener who accepted me and empathized silently with my woes. He loved to be cuddled and used to sleep with me with his head resting on my chest. He knew my bed is his kingdom. But when Rania came, Mok was 'neglected' a bit as attention was focused on Rania but Rania loves him. In fact Rania's first word is 'Mok'.
I visited him at the hospital this afternoon. He was supposed to be discharged today but Dr. Ong said he needed to stay longer for further treatment, maybe for blood transfusion as other alternative. I okeyed it as long as Mok recovered.
His condition was heart wrenching. Mok couldn't get up. He urinated while lying down on the towel - too weak even to lift his head. When I came, I sat down, patting and scratching his neck as he liked it, talking softly, begging him to eat and promising that I would take him home once he is OK. I knew he knew that it was me talking to him. He lifted his head, looked at me and meowed. According to Dr. Ong, Mok never meowed, very silent and sick. Dr. Ong advised that I should visit him everyday so that he would be motivated. I promised to do that. I never realized in a million years that Mok meowed to say goodbye to me. My heart ached as I wrote this. I wished I have known and I would have stayed longer and talked more to him, assuring him that he would be OK and that he was very much loved. The phone call from Dr. Nurul crushed my heart, Mok is gone forever but he will always live in my heart.
Ika, Izrin and I planned to visit him tomorrow morning. Yes we are going but only to bring his carcass back for burial near Raisa.
I have to put my 3 eye drops but I don't know whether the drops help to lower my eye pressure - they were diluted with my tears.

Farewell my lovely Mok. Thank you for the joy you brought to my life and to everyone in the family. We love you so very much.

Meaning of friendship

2011-03-23T19:14:00.003+08:00

Met again an old friend whom I have not been in contact for several years. We used to be quite close working and volunteering at an NGO in PJ. Out of the blue I received her call and I was surprised but pleased. Knowing her social contacts with high society, I thought I was out of her league and out of her mind. Being a very rich lady, she moved around with the rich and famous in Malaysia. So it was OK for me if we occasionally talk on the phone as I understand she has different interests like golfing, flying to different countries to attend golf tournaments or just for easy going holidays. But I really respect her. In spite of her wealth she is so down to earth, humble and not bothered with material possessions.

According to her, she just found out that I suffer from eye diseases and would like us to meet for old time's sake. I have no objection. Meeting her again was fun. We exchanged news to fill up the absence in our lives. In our conversation, I was quite surprised when she said that she felt alienated and alone most time. I don't understand why. As far as I know she is always busy with people or friends around her. A single parent, her only son just got married and moved away. I supposed that's why she felt so despondent. My assumption was wrong.

At the age of 60, she realizes that she has no close friends whom she can confide in and share her feelings and the ups and downs in her life. And she thought I was too busy to listen to her woes because of my teaching commitment in Unimas. Seemed like both of us nurtured wrong assumptions about each other.

She lamented that the many friends around her are not ones she can rely on. They profess lasting friendship but in actual fact she is forgotten soon after everyone is busy with their life. I just listened but finally I assured here that's part of senior development as time passed by, that she is not alone experiencing that kind of melancholy. I did too. But it depends on how strong you are relying on yourself and the belief that it's good to have people around you but you're not dependent on them. Being highly independent financially she has one advantage over many others.

I told her how some people at the NGO professed their admiration, love and desire to continue the friendship with me. The same with some university friends and ex-students but as time moves on, people's feelings changed. They are caught up with their lives, building new families and new friends, busy with their career and interests and you will find their expression of love and devotion become meaningless. They will contact you when they need something from you. That's part of life. Yes, it's easy for anybody to say, I love you, I miss you, I will remember you, I care for you etc. etc but most forget once they establish a new life or gain new status. It's difficult to find a friend who really cares for you and if you have one, nurture her or him. Unfortunately this friend of mind suspects that the friendship she receives is based on money. I suppose it's confusing when one is wealthy, to identify between true friends and hangers. Jokingly I told her she is also in the same boat as our friendship is so erratic. She forgot me when she has her rich friends around. Of course she denied it. But I assured her that it's Ok and that I am at fault too.

This wealthy Nyonya promised to keep in touch faithfully with me. She is not obligated to do so but we will see what happened.

Nenek first

2011-03-21T19:21:00.006+08:00

Beauty Queen Rania holding her beauty peagent placard.

There is a debate between Ika, Justin and me. Ika told Justin Rania clearly called 'Nenek' when she woke up this afternoon. Justin says No, she doesn't, she just makes the sound. Oh yeah, it's 'Nenek' alright - very clear. You see, Rania listens to me. I reminded her some time back that she has to say 'Nenek' first, after that learn to say 'Mami' and 'Daddy'. My precious Jantung Pisang did exactly as I told her. Whether Justin believes it or not it's definitely 'Nenek' and she can point out with her little chubby finger to me when we ask 'Where is Nenek?'. Well, Justin and Ika, eat your hearts out!! Ha, ha, ha.

But Ika rebuttal me and said Rania's first word is 'Mok'. Oh well, I agree. Mok is everything to Rania. Every picture of cats or kittens is 'Mok' to her and she gets excited when Mok comes near her. Now Mok is having a holiday visiting Izrin for more than a week. Rania has been saying 'Mok' almost every minute of the day. Poor Rania. We know she misses Mok but Mok is happy getting all the attention and love from Izrin and Haidi. At home, Rania is the Queen and Mok is sometimes forgotten though we love him to bits.

It's a good day for me today. I just came back from my eye checkup at UH and my eye pressure has come down

to a safe level. Prof Mimi was happy too and told me to continue with the prescribed medications. I am quite relieved and felt safe even though she is leaving for her sabbatical for 6 months.

Since the surgery, I have not carried Rania, just put her on my lap. I miss carrying and cuddling her and I know she does too for every time she puts her arms up to be lifted, I have to explain to her that I couldn't do it for the time being. Maybe next week I can carry her again. So after Ika picked me up from UH, we went to Amcorp Mall for lunch. 11 months old Rania is now walking though not so strong yet. Outing means freedom for she doesn't like to be carried. She wants to walk on her own. Today, instead of her in the stroller, she was pushing it. Seeing her laughter with her one gigi kapak and her chatter take all my worry away. This little grand daughter of mine is a gem.

I remember when my children were young, my bedroom was not their playground. Toys were kept at its place, definitely not in my bedroom. Now, the cleaners commented, Rania has a club in my room and on my bed. My bed is her playground, for reading or dancing to the music or just playing with heaps of toys there. Sometimes I can't close my eyes, for she will come and pick it open babbling in her baby language.

So, thank you Rania for calling 'Nenek' first.

To all my students and friends who send their get well wishes, thank you for your kind thoughts. Syukur alhamdullillah, I am OK now.

One-eyed bandid

2011-03-20T13:16:00.004+08:00

I am functioning with my right eye now. I can imagine how difficult life is if you lose your sight. Seeing with one eye is not pleasant, what more if this eye doesn't have perfect sight. Though I have been advised to rest a lot and to avoid over strained my left eye, it's difficult to keep away from TV, books and computer. It's so boring and I am at limbo not doing anything except lie down on bed. My brain becomes restless and my body becomes listless. So, computer is my friend and I am typing with one eye. Ika was appalled when she saw me doing this and sighed and said, 'Mom, you'll strain your other eye. Please keep off the computer.' I know she is right, so I am doing this when she is not around.

Prof Mimi did surgery to remove the cataract on my left eye on 15 March 2011 at UMSC clinic. I was glad my cough stopped. True enough, I suffer from reflux. Prof Goh prescribed me reflux tablets and a host of other tablets but not antibiotic and cough mixture. The 4 GPs that I saw before this, pumped me with antibiotics and cough mixture and they didn't work. I told them I suffer from reflux. Cough drops and antibiotics won't help. One GP charged me over RM200 and gave me a bundle of antibiotics. I didn't take them.

It's an expensive surgery. I couldn't claim back my full RM800 I paid PBUM for my lens. UMSC returned me RM 200 only and I am not happy. This is how, I guess, private practice makes money. The next day, I went to see Prof Mimi again for check up. She has tried for me to get back my money but failed. My eye pressure on the left eye where the cataract was removed, shot up alarmingly. I have never reached a pressure that high and it's on dangerous level. I have been told about the risk of cataract surgery since I have glaucoma. Prof. Mimi was alarmed too and told me to come for check up again and hope the pressure gets down by then. She pondered that simultaneous surgery on glaucoma and cataract could be a good idea. I don't know. I am not an eye specialist. I just hope my sight will be restored soon.

When I returned home from surgery, Rania tried to grab my eye patch. I guess she felt strange seeing her grandma with a weird look on her face. So I put the patch on only at night to avoid scratching while I was a sleep.

I hope I'll be OK soon and be myself again. Insyaallah.

Tsunami

2011-03-14T18:23:00.005+08:00

I was in Kuala Terengganu when I received sms about tsunami hitting Japan. The last devastating tsunami took me by surprise, not even knowing what tsunami is. My friends and I were in Kinabatangan, Sabah, at that time and I did think how it would be like if river Kinabatangan flooded. The river level was frighteningly high and the resort we stayed in was just at the edge of the river. News broke when we arrived at KK airport and it didn't sink in yet how much damage the tsunami has done. We learned the enormous impact of tsunami through newspapers and TV news.

I am terribly sorry that the Japanese people have to experience this calamity. The enormity of the disaster is not easy to imagine as we are not there to witness it but I think great loss and suffering occur. The first thing that came to my mind is my friend Sashi and her family. She lives in Niigata city, a harbour and I wondered whether the mountainous waves engulfed the port. So the moment I arrived back from Kuala Terengganu, I sent her an email, fervently praying that she and her family are OK. Thank God she responded immediately assuring me that everyone is OK including her son, Hiro and wife who live in Tokyo. I haven't had any details about the disaster yet from her. I just pray that Malaysians who work and study there are safe and able to send news to their love ones in Malaysia.

Disaster like tsunami is not a joking matter. I felt unhappy by some insensitie comments. Yes, Japan is advanced and high-tech but there are certain thing that's beyond human control. Disaster doesn't choose which country or what religion is being practiced and it doesn't mean the people are bad. So stop being so judging and have more compassion. Let's pray that tsunami does not visit our shores again as a second episode will result in unimaginable destruction.

To the Japanese, may you recover sooner than expected.

Another milestone in PRS

2011-03-13T10:47:00.006+08:00

With the counsellors and PRS at the sale of my books desk during the seminar in Unisza 110311

With PRS of UMT and Unisza. Women's power!! 110311

It's gratifying to know that Program Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya(PRS) is gaining momentum again in our school system and in institutions of higher learning. The link in Facebook gave me insight of PRS activities in certain schools and the challenges faced by the counsellors. It's heartening to learn that many counsellors are really involved and interested in the growth of these young people. Thank you.

I was honoured to be invited to talk about the historical development of the program to a group of PRS of Universiti Malaysia Terengganu and Universiti Sultan Zainal Abidin in Kuala Trengganu. I hope these young people will remember how the program came into existence and the people behind it who gave me much support. Though I am acknowledged as the founder of the program, I wanted them to know that I was not alone and that without the support of people who mattered, the program might not get the platform it deserved. Those people will not be forgotten and I owe them much gratitude for supporting me. My handouts and talks and my books will testify to this when I am not around anymore.

Thank you to Puan Rosni of Unisza for organising the seminar and for inviting me. The irony is that, I should be talking too to all counsellors and trainers of the program but have not the opportunity to do so. They are the ones who should know how this program comes into existence so that it can be conveyed to their PRS.

Before I retired, I made a promise that I would go, if invited, anywhere for program PRS and so far I have kept my promise though I have stopped getting involved in the training programs. Program will always be in my heart and I will always be proud that in some way I have contributed to some aspects of growth and development of young people in our beloved country.

To all PRS, no matter where you are or what name you use, my warmest regards and wish you with success in your life.

Old friend

2011-03-07T18:50:00.008+08:00

Once upon time we were very close and happy in each other's company. We didn't seem to need other friends and we talked endlessly, sharing our news ( a day old news), thoughts and feelings with open souls. Between us there were no secrets, her intimate secrets were mine and mine was hers. Our trust with each other was deep and meaningful. People used to say wherever I was, she would be there too.
We met when were in Universiti Malaya in the 60s. She was from the north (Kedah) and I was from south (Melaka) but we struck a lasting friendship. This could be because we were both fiercely independent and straight-talk. Many distant friends couldn't stand our direct approach, a few understood our personality but we didn't care, we had each other. We had other close friends as well and at university we went on our own most time but always met when we needed one another, especially when there were intimate things to share such as talking about study challenges, boyfriends, other relationships and family.
After graduation we went separate ways and got married. She worked in the north and I was in the south but somehow God brought us together when we were successful in getting a job teaching at a teacher's college in KL and we bonded again naturally. Our husbands and children became friends too and we used to go for family outings together. Life was good and peaceful then.
After finishing my studies in the States, I was posted to Teacher Training Division where she already was working there after the completion of her Master's degree. It goes without saying, we were inseparable. Friends and students used to refer us as a tiger and a lion - very strict and fierce individuals. Being a very attractive lady, she was known for her sculptured looks while I was unofficially crowned by some, as the best dressed lady there. I remember a colleague, Tan, who passed away due to Parkinson used to record the dresses I wore and my favourite colour which I wasn't aware of. Many of our colleagues were quite confused over our friendship. When we disagreed, we disagreed vehemently as if were arched enemies yelling at each other like we were ending our relationship. But the next minute they saw us having lunch together as if nothing happened. To them we were crazy people. Nobody dared talk bad about us within our hearing. Woe betide, we would defend each other like a lioness protecting its cubs.
Working together for some years, including working in Genting Highlands was fun until I was transferred to Ministry of Education. I decided enough was enough and applied for early retirement. Though we lived quite near each other, I was busy with my life and professional practice and traveled throughout Malaysia quite extensively. Gradually our friendship fizzled away, only occasionally called each other. When she retired and I moved to Kuching, we were silent.
Now both of us are grandmothers and getting on on age, we decided to rekindle old friendship. She has 9 grandchildren and I, one. She lives in Kedah, whereas I live in Port Dickson. So last Saturday was the first time we got together to celebrate her birthday after such a long break. But frankly, nothing seems to change as if time has stood still for both us. We shared much of our ups and downs naturally and laughed so loud that we forgot we have not seen each other for a long time except during Haj in 2009.
Sofiah, thank you for your friendship which I know is sincere and true.

.

Please help

2011-03-03T21:47:00.003+08:00

Now that I am spending a lot more time in Kg. Tunku, PJ since Rania graces my world, I started to get myself involved again in charity work organised by the Muslim women's section of Al-Rahman mosque in Kg. Tunku, which is about a door away from my house. Today after attending a tafsir class there, Datin Hasmah, the chairperson of the Biro Istiqamah, and I spent our time sorting out used clothes and other things, in preparation for our jumble sale in June. We are contributing some financial aid do a few orphanages, shelter homes for the aged and the disabled. Funds are needed in our kitty to enable us to help those in need.
As the Secretary of the Biro, plan to raise funds is crucial. I am appealing to friends, individuals and readers of my blog, if you have anything that is still good and you want to give away, please donate it to us. You can contact me by mobile 019-857-5188 or email zuraidah.rahman@gmail.com
or call Datin Hasmah 019-3516537. Though both of us are not competent drivers as before we could make arrangement to collect or if you're kind enough you can take them direct to the mosque. The address of the mosque is Masjid Al-Rahman, No 7, Jalan SS1/31, Kg. Tunku, 47300 Petaling Jaya, Selangor. Please help us to help others in need. You can also send monetary contribution at any amount you wish. Please send monetary contribution to:
Datin Arfah Daud,
Bendahari Biro Istiqamah
No.1 Jalan SS1/35
47300 Petaling Jaya
Selangor.

No matter how small your contribution is, we would appreciate it as it will help some desolate people. I would like to appeal to those who wish to contribute in kind, only donate things that are still usable, for example, wearable clothes, not torn old clothes, electrical goods that are still working, books, magazines, pot and pans, crockery etc.
Oleh itu besedekahlah dengan ikhlas dan berasa bangga yang sumbangan anda dapat membantu orang yang memerlukan bantuan. Sekiranya anda berupaya membantu tenaga, sumbangan anda juga dihargai. Hubungi saya jika anda beminat. Terima kasih, moga-moga Allah memurahkan rezeki anda.

Boring day

2011-02-27T19:15:00.011+08:00

Boringnya hari ini. Not many holiday makers in this resort and so this place is quiet and peaceful. Thank God! But I am bored to tears, not in the mood to go out or do anything. It's so hot, so sweaty hot.

There's hardly any wind blowing and Mok is miserable too. Kesian Mok. So he just lepak on the floor to cool off his body with his thick coat of hair. He drank a lot of water.
I am sick of watching TV, DVD or internet especially now I can't load photos on facebook. Don't know why. Susah betul kalau tak tahu macam mana nak betulkan progran computer ni, stressful dibuatnya.

Rania in conversation with Mok at home in PJ house.

Ika sempat ambil gambar Rania tengah menonggeng tengok dari celah kaki dia. So cute and so cheeky. I have been trying to take this shot but before I could get my camera ready, she ended it.

Rania posing bila tengok camera.
Tengah boring ni teringat Rania. Kalau dia ada memang tak boring, ada saja aktiviti yang boleh dibuat untuk mengisi masa dengan dia. Hai Rania, rindunya. Macam manalah kalau tak ada peluang nak jumpa selalu.
Powerpoint untuk digunakan di Trengganu bulan Mac ni dah siap. Ada buku yang tengah nak tulis pun tak diusik-tak ada mood. Boring semacam. Asyik makan saja, macam mana badan tak kembang. Anak India sebelah apartment ni menangis tak berhenti-henti, siang malam. Kata the hosekeeping ladies, mak dia leka tengok TV, tak layan anaknya. Apa nak jadi macam tu.
Ama, Mak dan auntienya datang visit hari Sabtu. Gembira mereka sudi datang tapi lupa nak beri Ama wall hanging yang dia hendak. Lain kali dia datang agaknya akan ingat.

Rania showing her one jutting upper tooth. She is in her huge playpen which she hates to be left in alone.

Rania the beautician. Tengah buat facial kat daddy dia.

Hooray, esok boleh dukung Rania dan cium dia banyak-banyak.

New home

2011-02-26T21:29:00.007+08:00

If you remember reading my blog entry on 16 September 2009 entitled "Poor and Neglected", I talked about how poor my cousin Jaafar is, and the struggle his sister Cham and I experienced in trying to get housing aid from the government. After over 2 years finally in 2011 the new very basic house was ready for occupation. It was very gratifying to see the brick wall of the house is not white ants infested, the roof is not leaking and there's proper toilet.
So today, I drove alone from PD in the morning to join the kenduri kesyukuran attended by the village people and the Ahli Dewan Negeri who represents the area. It was quite a confusing day for me when almost everybody acknowledged me by my mother. They are my distant cousins, uncles and aunties whom I have not met for ages, a golden opportunity for rekindling old relationship with my saudara mara.
It tickled my heart when my my cousin Cham said Jaafar refused to get rid of the little shack they lived in for a few months when the house was being built. He has formed an attachment to it and spends his daytime there but comes in the main house only at night. Part of the plastic covering of the shack is torn. But we are sure, eventually he will come around and accepts that the new house is his.
After lunch with typical Negeri Sembilan spread such as masak lemak ayam cili padi, labu and ikan sepat goreng which were delicious, I bade farewell and drove back to PD.
Mok is alone at the apartment though his food, trays and water were provided, I still worry. He loves laying around at the balcony especially when there's lots of wind. Mok's condition is not good at all. His kidneys are getting worse. My children and I are in fear for the day he is going for good just like Raisa did. I know I would be heart broken. We are giving him a lot love and making his life more comfortable. But giving him his medication is always a big tussle. He is smart. When we thought he had swallowed his pills, he walks away and spits them out. Many times I felt so frustrated and begged him to take it - as if he understands.
Going to see my 'Jantung Pisang' on Monday. Rania, I miss you so very badly!

Nak rehat kat PD

2011-02-19T17:47:00.002+08:00

Batuk ni tak juga hilang, dah berminggu. Ubat dah tak larat nak makan. Cataract surgery terpaksa ditangguhkan hingga ke suatu tarikh yang saya bebas dari batuk. Teringat pada masa megajar di Unimas, pernah diserang batuk hingga 4 bulan. Akhirnya, Mages, seorang kawan lama yang baru pulang bercuti dari England membawa saya bertemu dengan kawannya seorang pakar di Arunamari Hospital di Pelabuhan Kelang. Thorough juga pemeriksaan itu. Conclusion pakar tersebut ialah saya menghidap reflux. Ala mak, dah senior ni ada saja organ tubuh yang sudah overused. Katanya gas dari usus besar yang proses makanan tidak dapat disekat oleh penutupnya sebab dah rosak. Rosak lagi! Itu sebabnya gas leaking masuk ke kerongkong yang mengakibatkan batuk berpanjangan. Ubatnya mahal pula.
Hai susahnya nak baikkan macam-macam penyakit. Doktor yang saya jumpa, baik private atau kerajaan, tak ada yang diagnosed reflux. Doktor India di klinik PD beri inhalers untuk asthma. Akibatnya lagi teruk batuk ini dan saya kembalikan inhalers itu ke klinik. Mengapa doktor tidak mengesyaki reflux? Isnin ini saya akan ke klinik lagi di PD dan beritahu doktor kemungkinan reflux yang menyebabkan batuk saya tidak pulih.
Selagi batuk ini tidak hilang surgery cataract tidak boleh dilakukan. Saya ingin sangat hendak membuang cataract ini supaya penglihatan saya jelas. Saya berdoa surgery cataract tidak menjejaskan glaucoma saya kerana surgery glaucoma akan dijalankan kemudian apabila cataract kedua-dua mata saya berjaya dibuang.
Jadi, hari Isnin ini saya balik ke PD untuk berehat. Kesian Rania. Rindulah neneknya dan terdengar suara Rania di telinga nenek. Terpaksalah Ika ursukan sendirian kerja rumah. Harap Ika tidak lupa menjirus air pada pokok-pokok bunga yang beratus di rumah PJ. Duduk di PJ, saya leka denagn garden dan dengan Rania. Tiada masa untuk berasa sunyi. Di PD pula, saya akan betul-betul rehat, tidak buat apa-apa melainkan tengok TV, computer dan jaga pasu bunga yang tak seberapa di sana. Kadang-kadang saya tidak keluar rumah pun. Bila tak tahan rindukan Rania, baliklah neneknya ke PJ.
Ya Allah, selamatkan penglihatanku semasa surgery cataract nanti.

How to stop persistent coughing?

2011-02-14T21:31:00.009+08:00

My cataract surgery scheduled on 17 February maybe postponed. I am coughing so badly. I have taken cough syrups which I hated. It made me feel drowsy and lethargic. I have swallowed anti-biotics and other prescribed tablets but the cough still persisted.
I suffered from prolonged cough since I came back from Haj in 2009 which was at the height of H1N1 epidemic. My experience of having flu and cough there lingered in my mind. The virus spread so fast there because the pilgrims didn't bother to take care of themselves and thus spread the virus to others. Very few were willing to wear masks inspite of repeated appeals by doctors. Hygiene was taken so lightly. My room-mate refused to wear masks because she didn't feel comfortable wearing it. So, every time she has an attack, it infected me and I suffered. It took more than 2 months for the cough to subside after I came back. Blood screening proved me clear of any lung diseases. Since then I am quite susceptible to flu, cold and cough. And I am sick of it. I have tried almost every remedy that's recommended such as:
Air asam jawa and honey
Air limau nipis and honey
Air jintan putih and honey
Air rendaman nasi semalaman and selawat 3 times when drinking
Avoid cold water
Sapu dada dengan gel herba waktu malam.

All tak jalan! The cough is stuck to my throat like a leech.

I would like my cataract removed from both of my eyes. Driving is proving quite a hassle for me especially if I drive to unfamiliar places.
Last Sunday (13 Feb 2011) I kept my promise to Mila that I would come and meet her PRS of MRSM Kuala Kubu Baru. Ulu Yam is a place I have visited several years ago and have forgotten the way and so couldn't find the resort where her program was held. The road was unfamiliar and it was difficult for me for not being able to see and read the road signs clearly. Since it was Sunday, the trffic was quite light. I stopped at Ulu Yam Polis station and called Mila to pick me up from there. I made it on time.
Going back was difficult. Forgetting that unfamiliar road will cause some trouble driving, I chose to try the Batu Cave way. It was a mistake. Road signs and traffic worried me. Driving slowly irritated some drivers and I was horned and the more nervous I became. Eventually I stopped at a petrol station checking whether I was on the right track. The young man was patient enough to explain which road and exit I should take. Eventually I saw a Petaling Jaya road sign and with a sigh of relief followed it through to Federal Highway. I came home safely but promised myself not to drive to unfamiliar places until my sight is OK.
Anyway, thank you Mila and the PRS of MRSM Kuala Kubu Baru. I wish all of you success in achieving what you aspire.

Poor baby

2011-02-05T13:43:00.012+08:00

My little Professor, Rania, delivering a ceramah on my bed! 050211

For the first time after 9 and 1/2 months, Rania fell sick with fever, cold and blocked nose.Yesterday night was quite a tough night for me and Ika. She fretted and cried most time, being so uncomfortable breathing through her mouth. Justin is in Sydney attending a workshop. So Ika and I took turn to hold her when she screamed so loud at midnight and at the wee hours in the morning.
Last night, Ika slept with her alone in her room. I needed to make up for lost sleep but at 3 am I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep. So I sat up typing the yearly report on the charity work done by the women's section of Ar Rahman mosque, next to my house in PJ. I didn't hear anything in Ika's room and felt relieved that Rania was able to sleep.
The next morning after subuh prayer, I slumbered off for an hour or so before Rania woke up. Later Ika told me that Rania was fretting the whole night and that she fell from Ika's bed to the hard marble floor. I was appalled. I feared this would happen if Rania is sleeping on the bed. She will roll herself everywhere on the bed.
She was crying and throwing tantrums this morning, refusing her milk and her food.I was worried. Finally Ika called and made an appointment with a doctor in Bangsar this afternoon. I pray Nia is OK and that her fever is just an ordinary cold and flu attack.
It was. So far, according to the doctor, Rania doesn't show any signs of problems and we pray she will be OK.
After talking to the doctor, Ika and I concluded that Rania caught the cold and running nose by going to the swimmimng pool in PD before CNY. There were many children and adults and the virus was in the air. I hope Nia will be OK soon.

Happy Rania tentatively feeling the pool water. 020211

Rania and mom playing in the pool at the hotel in PD. 020211

No other people were around, I took Rania to play at the beach. With each wave hitting the shore, the sound startled Rania and she was quite frightened. As a reasult, at night she has nightmares and cried and clung at me or at her mom. Poor baby! Eventually she forgot the ordeal and returned to her normal behaviour enjoying water during her bath. 020211

To get Rania out of boredom being cooped up in thr house, we took her to Giant Kelana Jaya and put her in a trolley. She loved it and had her lunch there with her eyes absorbing all the goings on around her. 310111

Lovely!! Playing with sand is something new to Rania. Engrossed, looking and feeling the rough sand at PD lagoon. 010211

Caught in the act. Mischivious Rania. She tried to fool us by playing with the lid of her soiled nappy bin but in actual fact, she was aiming to play with the electric plug behind the bin.

This adorable 9 and 1/2 months old little bundle of joy brings so much sunshine and joy in the family. 300111

Love you sooooooooo much my precious 'jantung pisang'. May you have a beautiful happy life in front of you,

New books 2011

2011-02-01T15:39:00.011+08:00

Year 2011 seems to be a good year for me. After working so hard to edit, update and write current book, 4 came out almost simultaneously in January 2011. Christine Chong of Marshall Cavendish persuaded me to republish my 3 books with Time Books International (abolished) in 1980s and 90s in a new look and updated contents. With Kamal, the editor, it was quite a long laboriously attempt to complete the assignment to meet printing dateline. It wasn't easy, with a lot of heartaches. Syukur alhamdullillah, the finalized work went in on time.

I am so happy that my book 'Boleh Saya Tolong Anda' is back in the market. I hope the counsellors, especially the younger generation of school counsellors, will get hold of this book and use it as a guide when they introduce Program Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya (PRS) at their respective schools or institutions. So far this is the first book in Malay written on this subject followed by PRS-Langkah Seterusnya. I hope to see more being published with new ideas and approaches without sacrificing the basic philosophy.

Back cover of 'Boleh Saya Tolong Anda'

My old title 'Anda OK!' is now changed slightly to 'Pastikan Diri Anda OK' which is more apt. In the process of writing this book, I learned a lot more about myself and how to read others especially when they interacted with others. Definitely, this is one of the enjoyable books that I have written and I hope to write more fun books for general reading in future.

The back cover of 'Pastikan Diri Anda OK'

'Kaunseling dalam Pengurusan' has gone through quite a significant change process, not only being updated but also the chapters are expanded to 9 chapters.
All these 3 books are now with new attractive looks sold separately or in a box of 4 (with Peter Shepherd's Ke Mana Arah Hidup Anda) with a retail price of RM159.60.

Back cover of ' Kaunseling dalam Pengurusan'

IBS Buku Sdn Bhd with which I have established a long time relationship, has published 'Penulisan Jurnal Kaunseling' in January 2011 which I co-wrote with Najidah. I am proud of this book actually, for this is one achievement I am proud of, having successfully trained a former student in book writing. I hope Najidah will get more confidence and produces more work in time to come.

Back cover of 'Penulisan Jurnal Kaunseling'

I would like to invite former students Siti Atiqah, Norhidayah, Faridah, Nurulaini, Nor Asnida, Norshila and Nurul Farhana whose some jurnal entry we used in this book, to sms, call or email me giving their addresses. I would like to send a complimentary copy for each of you with a million thanks.

If those books mentioned above are not available within your reach, please contact me at HP 019-857-5188 or email: zuraidah.rahman@gmail.com or through this blog. Please include postage. For one book to be sent by Express mail, please include RM6.00 for the envelope.

Prices:
1. Boleh Saya Tolong Anda - RM 39.90.
2. Kaunseling dalam Pengurusan - RM 39.90.
3. Pastikan Diri Anda OK - RM 39.90.
4. A set of 4 books ( 3 above books and Ke Mana Arah Hidup Anda) - RM 159.60.
5. Penulisan Jurnal KKaunseling - RM 19.90.

Eye issues.

2011-01-29T20:18:00.004+08:00

I have totally accepted my condition. I have acute glaucoma on both eyes, that's a fact, no point denying it. I tried to do what the doctors advised me to do. Only one that makes me feel guilty - I play truant at going to the gym. Maz is not happy because she pays all the fees, including my personal trainer. Doctors advised me to do regular exercise for smooth blood flow to the eyes. I know it but...........Since I traveled outside the country in Dec 2010, fell sick when I returned, then followed by short visit to Kuching and going back to PD and the CNY holidays, I have not been to the gym. I have to drag my feet there with loads of excuses. I am sorry Maz, your mom is getting lazy. Thank you and Ika for pushing me but I have bigger excuse now for not going.

My eyesight is deteriorating, not because of glaucoma but due to cataract on both eyes. I stop driving when it's dark. Reading road signs is just impossible. I am endangering myself and others if I don't do something about this. I have consulted many eye specialist for advice on how safe it is if I go for cataract surgery with my acute glaucoma. Some are encouraging but many make me aware of the risks. One doctor suggested that I do double surgery - cataract and glaucoma at the same time. This frightens me. I went for another consultation and was advised to do one at a time as glaucoma surgery is very intrusive. It maybe more expensive but safer. I agreed.

I have given this a lot of thought but I have Hobson's choice. So, on 17 February I am going to do cataract surgery on my left eye at UMSC. Prof Mimi is going to do it. I trust her but please pray for me that I'll be OK and that my sight improves. I may do the right eye later if the surgery is successful.

One or two eye specialists have assured me that having glaucoma doesn't mean that I am going to be blind. This gives me hope. What I need to do is to take care so that my eye pressure doesn't go up. Question - how do I do it? Inspite of using 3 eye drops faithfully, my eye pressure sometimes shoots up. I found out only when I went for checkup. Looking at my visual field test, Prof Mimi said my pressure is not too bad and will consider surgery if the pressure cannot be controlled. Ya Allah...please help me and save my precious sights.

So I am taking time off from computer after 17 February 2011. I'll see what happens..

Tracing old steps

2011-01-24T20:01:00.006+08:00

Kuching airport was closed on 11 January 2011 because AirAsia plane skidded and this is not the first time. So I have to change my flight to the next day, 12 January and back to KL 14 January. I have already bought the train ticket with Senior citizen discount and it couldn't be used for the next day travel. What a waste!
My humble apology to all my friends in Kuching particularly the lecturers of Counselling Department in Unimas. I didn't tell anybody I was coming. My visit was short and my objective was to trace back my steps while living there for more than 6 years. I have a very special bond with Kuching - the city, the people and the nature parks.
I wanted just to lepak at the waterfront, drinking tea and eating laksa Sarawak in the evening and enjoy the breeze and the tranquility. I used to spend time there, to lepak and to mark exam scripts. The waterfront and the river used to be very clean but before I left, it has become neglected.
I missed Orang Utan Rehabilation Center in Semenggoh. Delima, the resident orang utan, is a delight and so was Richie, the male orang utan if he graced the center by coming down. I just love this place and always brought smiles to my face everytime I saw the orang utans. I wanted to see this distant cousins of mine again.
A day trip to Bako was another destination I planned. Bako is a uniquely beautiful nature park with proboscis monkeys, silver leaf monkeys, the bearded hog, the rascal macquats, the pitcher plants, the rock formations, the white sands and the breathtaking scenery.
Exploring the rows of shops near waterfront and at Jalan India would make me feel nostalgic. I wanted to do some shopping there.
When I arrived at Kuching airport, disappointment awaited me. It rained!! And it rained throughout the days I was there, imprisoned me in my hotel room.
I didn't get to do what I wanted to do though I braved the rain and walked to Jalan India and took a short boat ride across the river to visit the beautiful new building, the Dewan Undangan Negeri. I met a friendly Sarawakian Malay lady who was kind enough to ferry me in her car to the DUN and to the orchid garden. Thank you Haslinda, you are not a stranger anymore and I hope we could meet again one day.
So next time I must remember NEVER to visit Kuching before Chinese New Year. I forgot. It always rained before CNY.

At the imposing main door of Dewan Undangan Negeri Sarawak.

The raindrops on orchids at Kuching Orchid Garden.

I will see Kuching again, insyallah.

Baitul Mukaddas

2011-01-08T20:27:00.033+08:00

The place I dreamed to be, especially to visit Al-Aqsar mosque and Dome of the Rock which are described in the Quran. But the presence of the Israelis soldiers turned me off. The news report about their abuse of Palestinians in their own land is a reality in my eyes. Hitler was condemned as a monster for genocide but he saw what would happened if this race is in power. The Israelis are worst than Hitler.

The separation wall built by the Israelis with powerful surveillance cameras at every corner.

One of the graffiti on the separation wall expressing the feelings of the Palestinians.

The Palestinians live in the biggest prison in the world, created by the Jews and the world powers (America and the likes) just ignored the blatant assault on human dignity. The Palestinians are robbed of their lands and their dignity. It blows my mind to know how the Jews could practice their life principles of legalizing shooting women and children (especially Palestinians) if they present the slightest threat to their position. I think animals have more compassion than they do.

I had no choice. Baitul Mukaddis/Maqdis is a holy city. Being Muslims, I chose to brave the threatening situation there. I was quite confused - was I going into Palestine or Israel? At the immigration point manned by Israelis, we had to wait for hours before we were cleared (because we were 19 Muslims). There were 46 non-Muslim Indonesians who arrived later but they were being
cleared quickly. We left Jordan at 5 am but by 2 pm we were still there, hungry and tired.

There was no such thing as special consideration for seniors and children. If you drop dead in front of their eyes, the Israelis couldn't care less.

Dome of the Rock from Mount Olive.

I am so very grateful to Allah for giving me time and allowing me to visit Al-Aqsar and Dome of the Rock in Baitul Mukaddas. Though a first my body was so tired and in need of rest I decided to join the group for subuh at 4 am at Al-Aqsar. It was a good decision. I might not be able to go there again.

Dome of the Rock took my breath away. I was able to see the hanging rock on which Prophet Mohammad stood before Israj Mi'raj. I was in awe to be able to be where Israj Mi'raj happened and see the stunning architecture inside and outside the Dome.

The exterior of Dome of the Rock.

Syukur alhamdullillah, praying in Al-Aqsar was a humbling experience. This is where the Qiblat for Muslims to pray was, but Allah commanded Prophet Mohammad to shift Qiblat to Mecca.
The visit to Hebron was unforgettable. It pained my heart to see so many children left orphaned and poor because of the war and the opperssion by the Jews. The Palestinians live poorly but the Jews live in palatial homes on Palestinian land. I pray that the Israelis will stop digging underneath the Al-Aqsar as an excuse to look for their lost temple which until now they had not found a trace of it. Or is it just an excuse to destroy Al-Aqsar?

The Ibrahim mosque is a historical landmark in Hebron, Baitul Mukaddas. This is where Prophet Ibrahim, his wife, Sarah, Prophet Ishak and his wife were buried. The 84 year old caretaker tearfully narrated to us the massacre in 1994 when an American Jew shot 29 people while they were praying in the mosque. The irony was that, since this was done by a non-Muslim, the incident was treated so coolly. But if it were done by a Muslim, the non-Muslim world would cry bloody murder and accused Muslims as terrorists.
I hope the Palestinians will get back their land and their dignity and hell go to the oppressors.

In the Chapel of Ascension at Mount Olive where Prophet Isa (Jesus) stood before he was lifted to heavens by God.

Lightning visit to Lebanon, Petra and Dead Sea,

2011-01-06T19:26:00.023+08:00

On 22 Dec 2010 was a free and easy day for the group members but all of us opted to go to Lebanon fo a day visit. Though we started early, the border check took so long, more than 2 hours, and by then it was early afternoon. The drive in Lebanon was unique with scenic mountain view with houses tucked away in valleys and on hills. The roads are winding and the hills were still covered by thin snow.

We stopped at Jeitte Grottoes, the underground caves with stalactites and stalagmites. We were boating in the lower part of the cave to see more white shining stalactites and stalagmites glowing beautifully. I was impressed with the beauty of the cave but none so far could compare to the stunning formation of variety of stalactites and stalagmites in Mulu Caves, especially the King's Chamber. I informed some members of the group to make a point to see what our own country can offer so that we could appreciate and be more proud of our heritage. It's pointless to travel around the world but just disregard the interesting places available at our own door step. Gua Tempurung would take our breath away to see the two level of colours of white at the top and dark grey at the bottom - unusual combination in a cave.
What I appreciate about Jeitte Grottoes is that they are very strict in enforcing 'no camera' ruling and appropriate behaviour with no pushing or rushing. Everything is done orderly and the place is sparkly clean. The tour gyuides are mindful of the regulations unlike many tourist guides in our country who are not so mindful of the regulations and blatantly break the rules. I have seem a tourist guide in Putrajaya acting like a big boss raising his voice demanding the workers to let his group from China cutting Qs and became unruly. In the boat he just grabbed the microphone from the guide and babbled in Chinese, disrespecting other tourists in the boat. What did the guide do? Nothing!
By the time we reached Beirut, it was almost 5pm and getting dark. We visited the stunning Hariri mosque with amazingly beautiful interior. I could just stay there observing the intricate architecture and design but we had to move on. Just next to it is a church. From far, one of the minarets of the mosque seemed to be having a cross on top. It belonged to the church.

Hariri mosque, Beirut.

Nearby is the high end shops mostly selling original branded goods such Jimmy Choo, Channel, CD, Prada etc etc with half of the price you pay in KL.

Beirut is another experience that I would like to repeat with leisure, one day, insyallah.

PETRA, JORDAN 22 Dec 2010

I have been to Jordan some 10 years ago but missed visiting Petra. I read and saw a lot of pictures of Petra and it has heightened my curiosity. One of the attractions of this trip is Petra but the visit proved to be so disappointing. It was just ridiculous to go to Petra and spent about 2 hours there when there were so many things to see but that was what we did. The delay at the Jordanian-Syrian border cut our time for Petra a whole lot. We arrived at Petra just before 4 pm when the gate would be closed and darkness set in.

The walk inside to the Treasury is long, on uneven track. Noraishah and I decided to take horse carriage inside and paid US$40.00. Imran, the carriage driver was such an impatient man who was not friendly and not interested to entertain tourists' curiosity.

When we arrived at the Treasury, he demanded to be paid. We know if we paid him he would just leave us so that he could get more tourists in and we would be left on the lurch. So we ignored his demand and he scowled and yelled. We kept on taking photographs but felt uncomfortable at his loud yell for us to come in the carriage so that he could deposit us outside, at the starting station. What a rude Jordanian, so greedy.

All in all, I was really in awe of Petra. The rocky complex was so magnificent and majestic. Imagine having people living in the rocky hills a long, long time ago. No wonder my son-in-law, Justin, talked so much about the mystical Petra. Now I understand what he means exactly.

Entrances to their cave dwellings were still intact. The Treasury, intricately carved from rock is the ultimate attraction. How did those ancient people did it in such a skillful way. I felt fulfilled and humbled by the magnanimous structure which made me gaped with wonder. Syukur alhamdullillah that Allah allows me the pleasure of seeing this world famous Petra though the visit was short and didn't give me opportunity to explore the area more. Maybe, God permits I may see it again one fay.

At the Treasury, carved totally from rocks.

DEAD SEA, JORDAN 26 Dec 2010

Another lightening visit we did was at Dead Sea. The place has changed so much since the last time I visited about 15 years ago. They have landscaped the area and made it more attractive with modern facilities. None of the group member wanted to swim in the Dead Sea as it was already late. I swam and float in the Dead Sea years ago confident that I wouldn't sink even though I don't know how to swim. The sea is still calm and serene which pulled me to soak my legs in the very salty sea water.