My Sibling 5

Ahmad Mahir as a young man.

Brother and sister, 1997.

BangMahir, Kak Nun, Nini and Yanti at family gathering 2005.

Brother and sister in 2007.

Looking back at my childhood, brought back so much fond memory and appreciation of my experience living in a traditonal Malay culture in the 50s and 60s. I'll try to describe it when I talk about my childhood in the next blog. My immediate older brother is Ahmad Mahir and my relationship with him when we were young was quite tumultuous - one minute we were friends and the next minute we were arch enemies. I always envied my brothers, for their freedom of being boys. They could do anything and played all the boys' games without any sanction from my parents. They were also free to go roaming the village as and when they pleased (except at night, of course). While I, as a girl had to stay home and do everything that a girl was supposed do. I haaaated this!!!

Bang Mahir just loved teasing me, getting me into frenzied temper and made me cry, then he would run outside leaving me furious. He urged and dared me to do boys' activities which my parents forbid, like climbing trees and hooking my legs on a branch to swing, just like a circus trapeze, playing guli and gasing with the boys. I was good at all those activities. I always thought if my brothers could do it, I could too if not better. The moment my father came home, he reported my activities to him. As I have been warned to stay at home and be a girl, my father would cane me. As I remember, my father caned me only on my feet, never on my body but it was quite painful! Bang Mahir sniggered and jeered at me behind my father's back. It angered me more.

As children, it was quite an intense sibling rivalry but as we grew up and Bang Mahir went away to join Bang Ifin at the Royal Military College, life was peaceful. I remember, while he was in High School, Malacca, he didn't like going to Quran reading class in the village and always played truent. But I was good at it and khatam Quran twice, so my father gave me the responsibility to tutor him for Quran reading after school. I wasn't succesful and he never khatam Quran. While teaching him to read, he diverted my attention by offering papayas, and titbits which he brought back from school. We ended up eating and talking and when the hour was up, he learned nothing!

At the Military College, he had to keep up with my 4th brother, Ariffin who was very disciplined, hard-working and meticulous while Bang Mahir was a devil-may-care person. He landed himself into some trouble with the college hoping Bang Ifin would rescue him. He did not. So to channel his excess energy, he got himself involved in boxing and took part in competetion. Where study was concerned, he was too playful to achieve excellence - a stark difference with his older brother, Ariffin.

As a young man he has a quick temper and at one instant he slapped my nephew, Saiful or Kapul leaving a red mark on his plump cheek. Immediately after that he was sorry and tried to coax Kapul with his attention. Everybody was angry at him for slapping the favourite boy of the family but nobody dared say anything fearing his temper. He was rebellious as well and often disregarded my parents' wishes. My parents had quite a tough time dealing with him for he refused to listen to anybody.

As I grew up to become an adolescent, we became closer and friendlier. He would introduce his friends to me and we used to go out together. I got to meet all his girl-friends too, including my sister-in-law, Zainun Ali. They met while she was in Maktab Perguruan Prempuan Melayu Melaka at Durian Daun. She is from Terengganu and settled in Malacca now. Bang Mahir was proud of his sister for I have made a name for myself in Malacca - as a good student and Malacca state's speaker in Malay speech contests. My friends were also interested to be friends with me because I have a good-looking brother. When I was in form four at the Methodist Girls School in Malacca, he bought a scooter. That was his mode of transport to go to school to teach. I learned how to ride a scooter with him and he was patient enough to teach me though it displeased my parents.

Bang Mahir is a friendly and amicable person and has many loyal friends who called him Mat Mahir. As Malacca is a small state, Mat Mahir was quite well-known. When I was working as an officer in the Ministry of Education, his friends always refered me as Adik Mat Mahir, even though they knew my name. So I was Adik Mat Mahir to all his friends and Zuraidah did not exist.

He retired from education service when he was working as an officer in Jabatan Pendidikan Negeri Melaka. His wife, Kak Nun is also retired as a school teacher. Now as he grew older, he became more placid, pious and thoughtful especially after he returned from his Haj. Bang Mahir has 4 children whose youngest daughter, Yanti, just got married on last 29 November. I used to spend time with him and Kak Nun and my nephews and nieces when they were young. Kak Nun used to say that her daughter, Nini, exhibits a lot of my personal traits. She is lecturing at a private college in KL. I just hope she picks up the good ones and disregards the nagative ones in me. I told my students the same thing when they said they wanted to be like me. I am not a good role-model in certain behaviour, especially my temper. Pick up my strengths, please.

My niece, Nini and her daughter.

Zainun Ali, my sister-in-law ,as a young teacher trainee in th 60s.

Now everyone is married with families of their own and we meet occasionally when there is family gathering such as wedding or family get-together.

I don't have his photos when he was young but will try to get them when I visit them one day soon.

Bang Mahir and Kak Nun, thank you for being my friends. May you have a good life in front of you.

Visitors

Photo shows from right - Nursiah (in red), Najidah, Faridah, Fuziah and Raihana.

When old friends who are comfortable with one another, met and grouped together, you can bet there would be a lot of stories to excahnge excitedly. Poor Najidah, she has to be with 5 senior ladies who are chatterboxes and humourous, excitedly exchanging comments and stories, at my apartment after raya haji on 10 Dec 08. Najidah couldn't get a word in between as everybody wanted to talk at the same time. I was so pleased to have Nor Fuziah and Nor Faridah, both sisters, who graciously became our hosts when we (Najidah and I) visited and stayed with Fuziah in Kulim on our road trip to north last July. Raihana who was in our Iran tour in April 08 (together with Fuziah) , Nursiah, Fuziah's cousin whom I met for the first time, came along too. It was a pleasure to meet Raihana again and Nursiah.

Having Fuziah and Raihana to the apartment helped me to recall where we were in Iran through my collection of photos and I was able to jot it down in my album. Thank you Najidah, Fuziah, Faridah, Raihana and Nursiah for visiting me. It was a pleasure having all of you with me at my tiny apartment.

Photo shows Raihana (left), Noraishah (centre) and me at Tehran Gate, 1 May 2008

Iran group tour POTO Travel. Fuziah, extreme right, me at 8th from left, Raihana, squatting 4th on right.

I hope Fuziah, Faridah, Raihana and Nursiah will come again for a visit. You don't need to go far to see spectaculoar sunset. In a good day you can enjoy riot of colours in the sky at my apartment.

Anyway, I reminded Najidah not to drive through the PD highway when she comes to visit me and arrive at night. The stretch of road is very lonely. It's better to take Lukut way even though it will slow her down because of so many traffic lights.

I am sorry to hear that Najidah's friend who suffered from brain tumour passed away at 4 am at Selangor Hospital, Shah Alam. She recieved a call from his mother to say he was hospitalised. It must be a very sad moment for the parents. I remember my oldest brother's passing away due to brain tumour in 1962 as I wrote in my blog of Introducing My Siblings. Alfatihah to him. I pray the parents will cope with the grieving well.

This sad news make me remind Najidah again to take care of herself. As I told her, she is not indispensible at work. Yes, people will miss you when you leave but work will go on and somebody will replace you. Yes, it's good to be committed and focus on work but not to the expense of your health. Life has to go on. The same thing happened to me when I decided not to renew my contract with UNIMAS. Attempts were made to make me stay and students requested for me to continue but my place was taken over by another and everybody got used to not having me around. That's life and Najidah has to learn this.

Najidah left my apartment early morning to attend his funeral and to visit his family and I am leaving for my PJ house in the afternoon to get my medication in UH tomorrow morning.

Another satisfying day passed in my life.

Translation

I was approached again to translate books from English to Malay. I have a Diploma in Translation acquired in 1994 from the Association of Translators, Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka but translation work is not my cup of tea. In my working life I have only one experience translating a book and it was such a labourious work to me. I know that some competent translators find it so easy to do it but not me. I am not that competent in English and Bahasa Melayu to make translation a smooth process. So I turned down a few offers. To me it is more interesting to write my own books where I can put in my own ideas, thought, principles and concepts as well as my feelings and reactions. In translation, I have to understand and read the idea of the writers first and then find the suitable words in Malay to make it appropriate and right to convey the meaning.

I found a book by Robert D. Myrick, PhD entitled Developmental Guidance and Counseling - A Practical Approach, in which a chapter was devoted on Peer Helping or Peer Facilitators Programs. At that time I was actively involved in promoting Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya program (PRS) in our country and this book would help the counsellors as well if translated in Malay. In June 17 - June 23 1992, I attended the 6th Annual National Peer Helpers Conference in Loyola University, Chicago, USA representing Malaysia for the first time, where I met Prof. Dr. Robert Myrick himself. I proposed to him to translate his book into Malay and he was delighted and introduced me to his publisher who was there at that time.

Picture taken at the National Peer Helpers Conference in Chicago, 1992 with Prof. Dr. Robert Myrick (centre) and Dr. Barbara Varenhorst.

When I returned to Malaysia, I wrote to Dewan Bahasa requesting to translate the book. When all legal aspects of translating a foreign book were cleared I began the process of tranlating. It took me more than a year to do it but unfortunately about 10% of the translation was not completed as I fell sick at that time. So the last few pages were translated by Dewan Bahasa as the dateline was due. Though the English is quite simple, it was quite tedious for me. Anyhow, I am proud to be able to translate this book. I was fortunate also for meeting him personally as he was one of those people who were active in Peer Helping in US. For clarification, Bob Myrick and Bob Bowman (Bob Myrick's ex PhD student) are two different people where Bob Bowman became our PRS module consultant in 1991. Bob Bowman also wrote several books on peer helping. At the Conference in Chicago, I met several well-known personalities, mostly university professors, who believed and actively involved in peer helping, among whom I met Barbara Varenhorst whose book and articles I used as my references.

When the book was finally published and came to the market, I was excited but my excitement was shortlived. I found the translated title was misleading. Dewan Bahasa changed it to Perkembangan Bimbingan dan Kaunseling : Pendekatan yang Praktis whereas I have translated it as Bimbingan dan Kaunseling Perkembangan: Pendekatan Praktikal. The book didn't discuss the history and the develoment of Guidance and Counselling but about the different concepts and approaches in guidance and counselling which are developmental in nature. The translated title did not reflect the contents. I was upset. Actually DBP could find another suitable word in Malay to reflect the original title if my idea was not acceptable but not changed the meaning. So, a letter of complaint was sent ot the Director of DBP and until now I don't see the book anymore on the shelves. Maybe it has become an old book but that is a pity as it could be used as reference materials for counsellors, teachers and others who are interested.

So, that is my one and only experience in translating books. For those who enjoy and are competent in translating, congratulatuons and I hope you continue to do it so that more readers in Malay will benefit. Now, I am making an effort to translate Hypnosis scripts which are harder as the right and perfect words must be used to make hypnosis effective. I am doing my hypnosis sessions in Malay sometimes. I know I'll improve as I go along but it is quite a struggle for me right now. I hope my translated version in Malay will be published and used by LCCH one day.

Ahmad Bazli, my other Malay clinical hypnotherapist, we have to work harder!

My Siblings 4

My siblings - left: my fifth brother, Ahmad Mahir, my oldest sister, Zawiyah and my fourth brother, Ahmad Zainal Ariffin, taken on 8 Nov 2008.

With my fourth brother, Ahmad Zainal Ariffin at a family gathering in Melaka, Dec 2007

The 3 brothers. Left: Shahrul Bahrin, Razali and Azlan (Allahyarham)

He was my parents' pride and a brother I was closed to when young and even now. We got along well together even though he spent most of his young life away from the family. Ahmad Zainal Ariffin is my mother's fourth son and he was educated at the Royal Military College (Boy's Wing) in Port Dickson. As a student in the Military College, he excelled in his studies and won a Colombo Plan Scholarship to do accountancy in Adelaide, Australia in 1958. He was the first member of my family as well as in the village of Tg. Kling, Melaka, who went overseas to study. The villagers organised a farewell celebration with a joget and kenduri before he left. I remember the whole family had to travel to Singapore to send him to the airport to Adelaide. It was such a big do at that time but I have forgotten with whom we stayed when we were in Singapore. My brother told me we stayed with one of the Za'aba's family member by the name of Yusof who was my father's friend.

Bang Ifin is another gentle member of my family. During fasting month, if he was home he was the one who helped my mother baking cookies, sweating himself at the hot, traditional zinc oven heated by burning coconut husk. It was a labourious work which I disliked. I didn't remember any big sibling rivalry with him, so life was OK with me in my relatiopnship with him. I remember vaguely that he was also proud of me when I did well in school. My mother used to relate stories on how my Bang Ifin was taken care of by Asam, a faithful Chinese amah who doted on him when he was a baby and a young boy. He was so attached to Asam and looked at her as his mother. My mother used to tell stories of how she and my father hid Asam away in Rembau from the invading Japanese during the Second World War. My mother made her wear Malay kebaya instead of her traditional attire of black and white - a kind of uniform for an amah at that time. The Japanese soldiers were looking for Chinese to torture and kill. My parents risked their lives to save her. If the Japanese soldiers found out that they were hiding a Chinese, the whole family would be killed. According to my mom, it was a very terrifying time. Asam left the family not long after the War due to old age and she went back to China.

When he was studying in Adelaide, he had Australian foster parents who took care of him and his friend, Syed Hamdan from Terengganu. Max and Doreen Forgan (deceased) became my family's friends and I was the middle person entertaining them when they came to visit almost every year until Max got sick and hospitalised in Assunta Hospital in Petaling Jaya. After that they stopped coming because Max couldn't travel anymore. Since Max and Doreen knew me well enough and Bang Ifin was earning as he had his accounting practice then, he proposed to my parents to let me come and study in Adelaide after my Higher School Certificate Examination in 1964. He would support me financially with Max and Doreen providing free accomodation. I was excited to go. Unfortunately, my father put his foot down and refused to allow me to go for reason 'nanti dia kawin mat saleh'. You see, my brother, Ariffin, married an Aussie girl, Kathy Brown or Nor Arifah. Later, they came back to Malaysia for a visit with their first born, Shahrul Bahrin - a chubby lovable baby whom everybody fell in love with. My mother took an instant liking to Kak Nor as she was more Asian in her ways and knew how to win my mother's heart.

Bang Ifin' wedding with Norarifah Ariffin in Adelaide. Photo taken with Kak Nor's parents, the Browns (right) and the Imam of Adelaide mosque (left) ie. Imam Hj. Ahmad Staka from Bosnia, an uncle to the wife of Ketua Menteri Sarawak now.

They got married on 16 July 1966.

Bang Ifin holding his first born, Shahrul Bahrin ( born July 16, 1968) at his house in Adelaide.

My lovable nephews when young. Left: Anuar (Allayarham) and brother Shahrul.

I visited them in Adelaide in 1973, Maz was 3 months old then and was looked after by my parents while I was away. That was the first time I went to Australia. At that time I heard his second son, Anuar, was diagnosed with leukimia. I still remember a heart-wrenching episode when Anuar had to go for his regular check-up at the Children Hospital in Adelaide. He just knew where to go and what to do without a fuss. He knew he was a sick child. The doctors and nurses liked him as he was such a lovely and docile boy. It was a very difficult time for my brother and my sister-in-law. Anuar passed away at the age of 3 and a half. They grieved for him for a long while.

I visited Kak Nor again in 2006 (right) with Mama Brown (Kak Nor's mother) at her retirement home in Adelaide.

After living 20 years in Adelaide, to my parents' delight, he decided to come home for good and he and his family relocated to Malaysia living in Kelana Jaya. When he was back, I became a good friend to his wife, Kak Nor. They have 2 other sons after Anuar - Azlan and Razali.

When the marriage broke down, Kak Nor went back to Adelaide with his 3 sons and much later my brother remarried a Malay lady. To me and the family, Kak Nor will always be a member of our family. I was glad when my mother was in Assunta Hospital, Petaling Jaya, she visited her. Mak was so deliriously happy that she refused to let go of her hand. A few months later, Mak passed away (Jan 1997). I thank God for making them meet again for the last time since my mother had been asking me many times how Kak Nor was doing.

I was the only member of the family who kept in touch with my Australian relatives but now I am so pleased that Ika kept in touch through email and facebook with Shahrul. Through facebook many of my nieces communicated with him. I don't want the blood relation to fizzle off when I am gone as Shah, Zali and Zain should know their roots. Thank you Ika and Shah and please keep on communicating no matter where you are.

Chubby Shahrul at 6 months old with mom, Nor Arifah Ariffin (Kathleen)

Picture taken with my nephew, Shahrul in 2006 in Adelaide. Shah still playfully called me Black Mother, a direct translation of Mak Itam (that's what I am called according to the hierachy in the family).

I salute both my brother and Kak Nor for being able to face so many challenges in their lives, especially the loss of their children. At the age of 23 my handsome, dark haired nephew, Azlan passed away in August 1998. Bang Ifin, wife Maznah and I took a trip to Adelaide for his burial. I can't imagine the sadness, the pains and the loss they suffered at that time. It was such a sad moment. Both of them grieved for the loss of their grown-up son. I was lucky that a year before Azlan passed away, I visited them there on my quest to get a place for Izrin to study in Adelaide where he would be with his cousins. It was not to be. I was glad I had the opportunity to be with Azlan as he became my tourist guide taking me to wherever I wanted to go.

Presenly, Shah is still happy and single, whereas Razali is married to Kim and they have a 14 year old son, Zain. So, Bang Ifin has a grandson whom he hasn't seen for several years. Kak Nor came back to Malaysia with Zain when he was a todler (1996). Kak Nor considers Malaysia as her home and he and Bang Ifin are still good friends. One day soon Kak Nor will visit us again. She is approaching retirement as a graduate staff nurse in Adelaide Hospital. She used to comment that she didn't learn much Malay in the ten years she lived in Malaysia but learned a lot more when she was back in Adelaide. Most Malay students there made an effort to speak Malay to her. But when in Malaysia everybody spoke English as when we spoke Malay to her we received slow response. This is Justin's problem too. I think Justin has to live for a few months in a remote kampung where nobody speaks English, then he will pick up the language fast!

Doting uncle, Azlan with Zain, Razali's son, his nephew.

My great grand nephew, Zain Razali Ariffin of Adelaide, Australia at 10 years old ( Dec 12 1994).

Bang Ifin is a highly principled and ethical Chartered Accountant. Many times when I asked him to do somethimg that he was not supposed to do, he would say, 'No, I can't, that's unethical.' He is not rich but he could be if all his clients paid his professional fees faithfully. They owed him in thousands of ringgit which he was not able to collect. He lived a simple life with Maznah and even though touching 70, he is still young and active. He is the only brother who visited and checked on me regularly. When I have my personal problems in my life, it was him that I talked to for we shared some common issues and I find he understood me more.

Bang Ifin and wife Maznah, 2005

Bang Ifin's youngest son, Razali married Kim, with 10 year-old son, Zain.

Bang Ifin, thank you for being my brother and my friend. May Allah bless you with a good life.

My siblings 3

With my third brother, Ahmad Fuad and his grandson, Edi on 8 Nov 2008.

Left - Kak long Zawiyah, Fuad, Zuraidah.

Down - Jun, Bang Fuad' wife.

Again I tried to acess my memory about my childhood relationship with my third brother, Ahmad Fuad but it is a very faint memory. I know that Bang Fuad was cared for by my aunt, Ochu Itam, my father's sister and spent most of his young life in Alor Gajah with her. He came to the family fold when he went to school. I suspect at that time, he accepted that his mother was always Ochu and felt he was the odd one out in our family. I wonder how my mother felt when she had to hand over the care of her son to a sister-in-law who didn't stay with her. It must be very hard. Another regret that I didn't give my time to listen to her stories when she was alive.

Left - my sisiter-in-law, Zainun, my father, CikGu Abdul Rahman, my mother, Maimunah and Ochu, my father's sister who took care of my brother, Fuad since a baby.

This brother of mine strayed away from the family when he was young. I remember, he became a teacher after his teacher training at Maktab Perguruan Bahasa, Lembah Pantai. Then he was posted in Penang and disappeared from our family. I remember how my mother cried and asked everyone whom she knew whether they knew or met my brother. She was sad and depressed and cried a lot missing her son. As usual, during my adolescent years I didn't understand and didn't care. You must remember in 1960s, Penang was a long way off - difficulty in traveling and communicating. Later I heard he was teaching in St. Xavier's School, Penang. He didn't come back to see my parents for about 2 years - another event when my mother suffered, missing her son and felt guilty for handing over the care to Ochu. While away from the family, I found out later that he made friends with my long time pen-friend in Kangar, Perlis, Zainol Rashid and his family. We shared this in common. He was educated at Malacca High School before going to Maktab Perguruan Bahasa and stayed at home. He married in Penang and has a son, Fuzian, who now looks exactly like him when he was young. After his divorce, he married Jun, his present wife and have 4 children - all girls.

I was not close to him when young. I have 3 other younger sisters who were the typical good daughters who faithfully did their house work to help my mother. I remember he was always on Ani's side when I was scolded by my mother, for he thought Ani was the dutiful daughter, cooking and cleaning diligently. I used to resent this. I thought it was unfair. Everbody didn't see how I washed basins of clothes by hands until my back ached and I finished my duty early and refused to help anymore as I have done my share. Cooking was supposed to be done by other sisters. I disliked cooking, until now. So I was accused of being lazy and scolded by almost everyone. My mother used to express her frustration by scolding and beating me but I never gave up on what I believed. My brother Fuad was one of them who said I was lazy and not doing anything in the house. He threw a slipper at me one time because I answered him back defiently and rudely. Being such a rebellious adolescent, I didn't care. I was quite a character and my family members found it hard to cope with me!

My brother came back to the fold of our family when my nephew, Fuzian, was taken away from her mother to live with us in Tg. Kling. My parents brought him back after they found out he was being neglected. Yan grew up under my parents' care as my brother has his new family. Bang Fuad used to work in Bahagian Peperiksaan, Ministry of Education where he retired. They lived in Kelana Jaya, then moved to Klang. Now he lives with his daughter in Aman Suria. Beside his son Yan, Bang Fuad has 4 pretty daughters - all married. He and Jun traveled to Vancouver regularly to see his daughter, Airin and 2 grandsons. Airin married a Canadian and lives in Vancouver now. As all brothers and sisters are getting old, we meet quite often and make an effort to look up one another.

Left - Sister-in-law, Zainun Ali (Ahmad Mahir's wife), Edi, Jun and first daughter, Ailin, 8 Nov 2008.

Weddings

My newly wed niece, Siti Khadijah and husband. My younger sister, Zurainah and son, Zaki.

Usually, school holidays mean weddings, one after another. I missed my niece's wedding on 11 Oct 08 because I was teaching in Kuching. I haven't met Siti Khadijah's new husband but got the opportunity on Saturday when I attended my other niece's wedding in Malacca. I spent my childhood in Malacca, schooling in Methodist Girls School and High School Malacca, yet now I got lost looking for my brother's house in Padang Temu. Malacca has changed so much that I plan to be a tourist and explore Malacca one day. It was Yanti's wedding, my brother Ahmad Mahir's youngest daughter. Ika and Justin came along and they also lost their way. Maz is in London for work and Izrin is working. Both Maz and Izrin were not able to be there. Below are some pictures of Yanti's wedding.

I

I drove to Malacca with my first cousin, Abang Mat and Kak Maznah, his wife. They live in PD not far from my apartment. I was happy that his daughter, Achi and her husband, Adnan and their son joined us. I have not met them before but was glad they made an effort to meet their relatives whom they have not met before. Poor Justin, the only mat salleh and he got all the attention but he seemed to enjoy the attention bestowed on him. His height is another focus of attention but he is secured enough not to feel ill at ease.

Just like any other weddings and gatherings, when all sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews and cousins gathered, it became one big party. We were so focused on exchanging news with one another, we forgot about other guests.

Below are pictures of Dewi's wedding.

On 08 November 08, I attended my nephew's daughter's wedding at Bukit Serampang, Tangkak. I have never met Dewi, the bride. Atan's children were young when I visited him and Sapiah some years back. I remember how Atan toiled on the land, planting rubber and palm oil, doing it alone with some workers' help. He was the only family member who took care of their family land and he deserved to reap the rewards now. I hope Chom will remember this and aware that brothers are the ones who will help and take responsibility if you are in trouble. Think of the consequences years ahead of time and make amend now before it is too late. My sister, Zawiyah, expressed her sadness to me and effort should be made to repair the rift. I know how it feels for I have experienced drifting away from my brothers too but I found that no matter what, I am their sister and they were behind me all the way when I faced trouble.

To all the newly weds, all the best to you. May you have a happy life together to eternity.

Introducing my siblings 2

He was the gentlest and the good-looking member of the family. This second brother of mine is an angel who doesn't know how to get angry and always has a smile. He warked in Radio Malaysia before he retired and lived in Subang Jaya but later relocating to Batang Tiga, Melaka with his family.

Bang Pudin married young after he finished his Senior Cambridge and worked a while.

His marrieage was not a match-making process for he met and fell in love with a school girl, Maimon. It was taboo to establish any kind of relationship with the opposite sex at that time. So he asked my mother to see her family for her hand. She was about 15 years old. They got married and had 6 children. She had to quit school to be a wife - at an age when girls still play with little dolls.

I was not able to acess my memory about my relationship with him as a child because of the age different. I remember I used to spend my time visiting him when he lived in Kuantan and Segamat. They had an oldest son, Saiful Akbar, our first nephew and my mother's first grandchild. Saiful was such a beautiful, fair and chubby baby that everyone would fight to hold him. We used to take him back to Tg. Kling for a few days and spoilt him rotten. To us, Saiful was the angel God sent. All the uncles and unties just doted on him. It must be hard for my brother and sister-in-law to let people take away their first child even for a few days but we didn't understand then. We thought it was our right!

Being an obedient son, I remember him being so gentle with my father and mother and never talked back, even if he was scolded or my parents showed their displeasure towards his action or bahaviour. I know my mother had a soft spot for him. But he was matched with a stronger personality and always at the back and call of Kak Mon. To me, Bang Pudin is a very patient and tolerant man to the extend that his ideas and decision are voiced through his wife's mouth.

The attention given to Saiful eased a little bit when he got two other brothers, Kahar and Ari, who were just as fair, chubby and adorable as Saiful was. I used to cuddle Ari and carried Kahar around when I visited them in Segamat and Kuantan. These nephews of mine were such a delight but I didn't remember much of my nieces, Ani and Yah and another nephew, Anuar as at that time I was already busy with my life at University Malaya.

They had a nice house by the sea at Batang Tiga, Melaka, next to Kak Mon's heritage house which belonged to her mother. Unfortunately they decided to sell the house and I didn't know about the heritage house which housed old traditinal design and knick-knacks. The last time I found out, it was left unattended and was in ruin. It's such a pity that our Malay heritage was not really valued and has lost our culture by modern influence.

I was married on June 15, 1968 at their old rented house in Kg. Melayu, Petaling Jaya, in a very simple ceremony. Since Bang Pudin was the only married brother who lived in KL/PJ at that time, the responsibility to hold the ceremony fell on his shoulder. I was doing my Diploma in Education at that time at Universitry Malaya. It was a 'Nikah Gantung' ceremony and the actual bersanding was postponed until I completed my Diploma and reported for duty the next year. The ceremony was held at my old house no. 3735C, Tg. Kling, Melaka on 2 July 1969 which was more for the villagers than anything else. Zubaidah Abdul Rahman and Rosenah Ahmad, my old faithful friends from university days came to become my bridesmaids. Thank you Bang Pudin and Kak Mon for making the ceremony possible for me. I supposed at that time time, they had no choice but to accept the responsibility. We took it fot granted without even consulting them whether it was OK. It was just part of our culture that the oldest member of the family take responsibility more than the others. Come to think of that, I feel sorry that they were not given the choice to say No.

As my brother was such an angel, he valued peace and harmony in his marriage. When my mother was sick and was hospitalised at Malacca General Hospital, again he took the responsibility to take care of her and took her to his house to recouperate. He was the one who cleaned, bathed and fed her but after about 3 days my sister-in-law insisited that she should be sent back to her own house in Tg. Kling which is about 15 kilometers away alone. It saddened and pained my heart when my mother in her little way recounted how my brother shed tears when he took her back to her house as she had not fully recovered yet. He faithfully cycled everyday to see my mother to clean, bathe and feed her and returned to his house in the evening. I know my mother had never healed from the hurt of her daughter-in-law's treatment of her. At one time, when I was taking her back to PJ to my house in my family van and I stopped at my brother's house, she simply refused to get down and insisted to sit in the van even though it was hot. No matter how much I, my brother and my sister-in-law coaxed her to come down, she didn't budge. She was really hurt. She never talked about it after that. When she was sick at that time, all her daughters were in KL and didn't know the extend of her illness.

My younger sister, Anah, later insisted taking her back to her house in PJ, when she fell unconscious alone in her old house again. She stayed with Anah for about 6 years but passed away in my house. Thank you Anah for taking care of mother and thank you Kamaruddin for being such an understanding son-in-law and took care of her as well. I know it was hard to take care of old people for it tested your patience. May God bless you both.

That's my brother, Ahmad Saifuddin Abdul Rahman and still as gentle and patient as before. I just hope his children will be kind to him and Kak Mon in their old age and take care of them as they should. I believe children will treat you as you treat your parents.

Bang Pudin, I love you as you can calm me down when I am in anger.

Picture taken in May 1968 in my graduation robe with my mother, Saiful (left) Yah, Ani and Kahar.