Glaucoma update 2

It's has been quite a while since I logged in about my glaucoma. Sad news, I don't have anything exciting to share here. I just have my eyes checked again by Dr. Tajun after Raya. My next appointment with UH is in mid October, oo long to wait to find out my eye presure. Unfortunately, the result of the eye examination is not so encouraging.
So if anyone of you meet me and look me in the eyes, don't be surprised to see both of my eyes are red. They're red all the time. Don't worry, it's not conjunctivitis and it's not contagious. The new eye drop that helps to lower my eye pressure is the culprit but I'd rather have red eyes than having my eye pressure sky rocketed. I told the doctor I would continue with the drop but there are quite frequent explanations to be done when people comment on my red eyes. My eyelids are drooping as well that make my eyes which are already small, smaller but it's not due totally to glaucoma but also due to aging. In the morning, my vision is not so clear and my eyelids open just a fraction. Dr. Tajun recommended me to do some minor plastic surgery to open up the eyelids. Ah..... that's the hassle if you suffer from glaucoma and aging but I am eternally grateful to Allah for giving me time till now to enjoy the world.
I am quite a delinquent in exercising since I have Rania and spent most of my time in PJ. I know, my doctor has repeatedly reminded me to exercise regularly as the exercise will help to regulate the blood flow to the eyes. Like many others, I have tons of excuses why I don't do it but they're just excuses. My daughter Maz paid and persuaded me to go to the gym with a personal trainer to attend to me. I did for a while but when fasting month came it was a convenient excuse to stop going. Not long ago, it was me who made noise when my children didn't do what they were supposed to do but now my children played the part of parent. To have peace, I went again last Friday and I promised my dayghters and myself that I would go regularly. God, help me to keep my words please!!!
Now I avoid driving at night or if it is hazy because of heavy rain, unless the road is familiar to me. My eyesight is not good enough to keep me safe on the road in that condition. But I hope I have many more years to write my blog and do things independently, insyaallah.
Sight is a precious gift from God. So please take care before it's too late.


Early in the morning with red eyes and Rania is sleeping peacefully in my arms 260910

Quiet time?

After a hectic 3 days Raya in PJ, I decided to go back to PD to have quiet time to myself. As usual before leaving the house I would make sure Mok's food was filled, gave his medicine, swept and mop the floor, watered the plants and swept the garden. It's my habit to leave the house clean as I know Ika would not have time to do all that as Rania would take most of her time. It's a cool, windy day and I took Rania out to the garden while I watered the plants and swept the garden and at the same time talking to her and she responded with shrieks and babbles. It was lovely to see her so happy but Rania is always a happy baby.
My desire to have a quiet time in my apartment was shattered by loud music which could be heard for miles. I just don't understand why some people like to turn on their radios so loud without regards of other people around them. This is another Malaysian attitude that I abhor - selfishness and self-interest. It's pointless to complain, nobody listens, the security guard couldn't do anything. Right now my ear drums almost burst listening to extremely loud Indian and English music played by a group of people who seemed to have a good time, disregarding the comfort of others. I guess I made a wrong decision to buy this place which was promised to be a heaven, about 20 years ago.
In spite the irritatingly stupid noise down there at the lagoon, I went on checking and updating my book 'Boleh Saya Tolong Anda' which was first published in 1989. I think this updating version is better in keeping with the development and progress of Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya program. This is the first book in Malay ever published on the subject and I am pleased to see that the program has progressed to a higher level. Thank you to all my readers and supporters and hope you won't photocopy my book anymore. Please buy the published version once it's in the market next year.
I think I am going out now, just can't take the noise anymore. Will be back tonight hoping it's going to be quiet again.

Second day Aidilfitri 2010

Rania, with your Nek Utih, my younger sister at her house in Melaka.










Saturday 11 Sept 2010 is the second day of Hari Raya Puasa. We went to Melaka to introduce you, Rania, to my older brother, Pak Anjang and wife and younger sister, Nek Utih. We started late leaving our house, taking time to prepare, bathe and feed you before we could move on. It was after 11 am when we left and to our disappointment, the highway to Melaka was jammed with traffic and that slowed us down. But along the way you were such a good traveler - you slept and played and talked to yourself when you were awake. The delay was made worse when I didn't remember exactly the way to Nek Utih's and Tok Anjang's houses and I had to call them many times to direct the way, especially to Tok Anjang's house.
You see, your parents seem to forget that I am getting on with my age and I do forget things especially when I seldom go back to Melaka and the place changed so much. So phone calls were made several times and we lost our way which delayed us. Finally, after exchanging some impatient words, we found Tok Anjang's house. Nek Utih's house was easier to find. There are times when I felt I'd rather go back alone to see my siblings, rather than going with my children but I know if I don't insist going back with your parents, you might not meet your uncles and aunties and thus they become strangers to you.
Every year is a struggle to get your Pak Su, Mak Yang and your mom to visit their relatives and nearby neighbours. I think I have done something not right by raising them to be such antisocial which definitely doesn't come from my side of the family. Please my little 'jantung pisang' do not adopt such attitude. Keep in touch always and pay a visit sometimes to your cousins, uncles and aunties as your are not living alone in this world. They are the ones whom you may fall back to when you face trouble, who knows?
Everybody wanted to hold you. We were lucky that Nek Busu Rai and family arrived at Tok Anjang's house and they were able to meet you. I am really proud of you, my angel. You were such a sociable and happy creature, smiling most time. The long hot journey bothered you a bit but you didn't complain nor cried except when you were hungry, of course. It was really a pleasure to be with you. I hope next time your dad will remember to fill up the gas tank full, that finding a place in a kampung is not in GPS and traveling with Nenek needs patience as she forgets things. For your information, my love, I will try to avoid traveling with your parents unless it's absolutely necessary.
The drive back to PJ was quite a nightmare. It took hours to arrive back in PJ and I felt sorry for you as I knew you were tired. But the day was quite an adventure for you, wasn't it?

Aidilfitri 2010 for Rania

Friday 10 September 2010, Selamat Hari Raya Puasa, my 'jantung pisang' Rania. This is your first Raya in this real world but you are not aware of it yet, being just almost 5 months old. Your mom dressed you in sweet pink, then our family, including Mak Uda, Angah and Su Kamalia went to visit my third oldest brother, Fuad, at his daughter's condo in Mont Kiara. This is the first time we had the opportunity to beraya with Tok Lang after so many years. Usually he spent his raya with his in-laws.







Your Tok Lang is diabetic and his right leg has been amputated. I know he felt restless and frustrated, not being able to do things on his own, especially driving his car to anywhere he fancies. Now he has to depend on his wife and daughters to take him to wherever he wants to go, if they agree to do so. Above all, they control his food intake - no more sugar. He hates it but I know it is for his own good.
As your Tok Lang grows older he looks more and more like your Tok Moyang, my father. Your Tok Moyang would love to see you and would dote on you as I am. Your Nek Moyang also would feel the same, would spoil you rotten. They would be so proud of you as they had with all their other grandchildren. I went to visit your Nek Moyang's grave yesterday morning at Bukit Kiara, before Raya day. I did this almost every year to avoid the congested crowd at the grave site when relatives would come to pay respect to their loved ones who have passed on. Surprise! So many other people have the same idea and the place was just as crowded. I hope when I am gone, you will be able to visit my grave and read me yassin and al fatihah. Perhaps you could persuade your mom to do the same. You would also try to keep my grave attractive with pretty flowering plants as you know I love plants - green and flowering ones. You can see at your garden now, I have planted pots of colourful flowering plants and make the garden more cheerful. That's where I take you to almost every morning to listen to the birds. And I love to see you smile when I sing 'Lompat si katak lompat' to you. Your smiles, your babbles and your shrieks really make my day.
You have a 3 months old second cousin there, Adli or Gibon as he was nicknamed. With a mohiccan hair style he looks so cute but to me you are the cutest of all. Ok, I know I am biased!!










Your Mak Yang playfully salam and asked for forgiveness from your mom, her older sister. Looking on are your dad and your auntie (Tok Lang's daughter, Ailin)









We did the ritual of salam raya asking for forgiveness with my brother ( being the oldest there) as the head of the clan, then me and Mak Uda. We had such fun time arranging everybody according to age taking turn to salam raya. The little ones collect duit raya - not much but it was fun. Your aunties forgot about you, being so little, but your nenek reminded them of you.
So you were included in the ritual of receiving duit raya and promptly you chew the envelopes. I always like this ritual which your Tok Moyang insisted so that all his grandchildren from 11 children know one another. I tried to keep this practice intact but it wasn't the same. I hope your mom and dad will continue this ritual once I am gone.
You were the star attraction being so marvelously well- behaved - no crying or whimpering. Instead you were wide-eyed curious to see so many people wanting to hold you. You smiled so charmingly and tried to soak in the different faces around you. On the little swing your auntie put you, you promptly lulled yourself to sleep.
When the time came to go home, you were wide awake again. Being a tall guy, your dad carried you so effortlessly to the car and again you felt asleep easily once the car started to go. It was quite an adventure for you today. I am so proud of you.
You will always know my 'jantung pisang' that your grandma loves you to bits.
May you have many, many more happy hari Rayas my love.

Sambal Ikan Bilis

Aidilfitri this year seems to be the same as the previous years. I know a lot of people are busy cleaning and redecorating their houses, we don't. Oh yes I forgot, the house that I live in now is actually belongs to my daughters. I have transferred the deed in their names. So, I am just a visitor there but in actual sense it's still mine. She doesn't seem to realize that she has a valuable asset in her name. Taking care of it and taking responsibility to upkeep the house have not fully sunk in her mind yet. The furniture and the furnishing are about 20 years old and they are bored serving the household. Mom sometimes still has to take responsibility but she is retired and tired. The house I worked so hard for since young, seems to have no soul and looks so drab (sigh.....)
Living in PD gives me peace but Rania pulls me back so strongly. So I am in PJ most time. On top of that Mok is suffering from renal failure and needs to go for dialysis at least twice a week.
So this Raya eve, I cooked sambal tumis ikan bilis which everyone seems to enjoy, including Justin. Some friends asked how I cook it. Believe me, I am no great cook and cooking is not my favourite activity but I am quite successful in cooking one or two dishes! Sambal sardine and ikan bilis seem to receive overwhelming approval. To all those great cooks out there, please don't laugh because cooking sambal is actually a child's play.
To those interested, this is how I cook it.
1/2 kilogram of small ikan bilis.
2 cups of ciling giling - get the ready-made ones
2 bawang besar
10 garlic
1/2 bottle of vegetable oil
A fistful of asam jawa

1. Wash and clean ikan bilis at least 3 times to get rid of the excess salt. Let it dry for a while.
2. Cut bawang besar and garlic and put aside.
3. Make thick asam jawa juice, about 2 cups.
4. Put oil in a pan to deep fry the ikan bilis with medium fire. Fry until medium crisp. Put paper towels in a big bowl and transfer the fried ikan bilis in it, letting the paper towels seep in the excess oil.
5. With the ikan bilis oil, fry onions till cook, then pour in cili giling. Here, you have to be careful. You need to stir the cili and onions repeatedly. Let the cili cooked. You can see this by having the oil float on top of the cili. If it is not properly cooked, then your sambal will be hot (pedas). If it is overcooked, your sambal will taste bitter and dry.
6. When you're happy that the cili giling is cooked properly, put in the fried ikan bilis, mix well. Slowly pour the asam jawa juice, stir. The sambal shouldn't be watery. Taste for salt and asam. Usually the ikan bilis is salty enough.
7. Cook a few minutes and turn off fire. It's good if you drain the excess oil and throw it away. Taste it, add salt or asam juice if you are not happy. Good luck.

The sambal is good with rice, ketupat, nasi impit and any bread and it can keep for some time. It's simple. Even though I make it so often, I fail to achieve satisfaction sometimes - too hot, too oily, taste bitter etc etc. So I don't guarantee the best result if you follow this recipe.

Selamat Hari Raya and maaf zahir batin.

My little princess

Oh hello. I think it's a great idea......




















Alamak, salah cakap ke? Malunya!


















Yak, I don't care, I know I am right.


















OK. life is good especially when you are sitting on dad's hairy leg.








Seems like ages ago when I was on edge waiting for Ika in the delivery room at Pantai Hospital, Bangsar to welcome the birth of her first child and my first grandchild. There was also the excitement of bringing baby Rania into the real world call home. The little white wrinkly baby girl with closed eyes are now a bubbly and cooing 4 months old. I can't believe it when I see her and how she has grown. I see my daughter changed too, from depressed Ika during confinement to a proud mom today with wonderment in her eyes when looking at her daughter. My grand daughter, Rania is my source of pride who simply pins herself permanently in my heart. Wherever I go, it's Rania in my mind and every little baby looks like Rania to me. I pay a lot of attention to babies now, feeling delighted when I see the same characteristics in behaviour with Rania.

At 4 months, Rania is a wonderful baby with a happy disposition. She smiles a lot and her big eyes are always wide opened with curiousity. What thrill me most is the time she is in conversation with me with her baby babble, cooing, squeaking and sometimes shrill shrieks, especially when she is excited. Rania has the sweetest smile accompanied by huge twinkling eyes.









That's a cheeky smirk, so cute!












She loves being talked to and she responds with smiles and sequeks, and thumping of her feet. I often have serious conversation with her and understood her responses perfectly!







She is quite skillful at turning on her stomach but gets frustrated when she fails to turn on her back again and starts to whimper. With a little help she gets on her back, happy but the next moment expertly she turns on her stomach again. Rania learns fast. After a few help she will do it on her own like a pro.











Another of her favourite playmate - Miss gloworm.








At the moment, her favourite toy is Mr. Ulat, a present from auntie Anita and she loves to grab it and promptly brings it to her mouth as in the photo. A few times Mok lay down beside her and Rania conveniently grabbed hold of his bushy hair, refusing to let go but lovable Mok just kept quiet as if understood that Rania is just a tiny, helpless baby. I know Mok loves Rania and often plonks himself by her side, as if he is keeping watch over her.







Now, every time she is on her back, up come her legs, and her hands will pull them to her mouth. It was such a delightful sight. Bath time is a joy to watch.










Like most babies, she loves water and learning to splash the water with her hands and feet, sometimes sequels with delight. Soon, whenever she is bathed her mom also would get wet.
















When I am in PJ with her, I take her out to the garden to listen to the birds almost every morning. She is beginning to be aware of sound and the chirping and singing of the birds are a thrill to her. She is learning to listen intently to the sound. I enjoy seeing her sweet smile every time I sing ' Lompat si katak Lompat'. The rhythm and sound are already familiar to her. It was such a pleasure one day for me and Ika when she tried to move her head left and right when I sang ' laaa..ilaahaillallah' repeatedly. Rania has a good temperament. She is friendly, not scared of strangers, always alert and curious, smiles a lot and loves anybody to hold her and basks in the attention - not a difficult baby to take care of.

A contented baby in the morning, she coos, gurgles and makes all kinds of noise talking to herself or shrieks excitedly anticipating to be lifted up. She prefers to be on sitting position and when lying down Rania will lift her head high (good exercise for stomach tightening!) begging to be lifted up.
Physically, Rania is strong and compact, not a plump baby.
Many of the characteristics that she shows are as in the developmental theory of a 4 month old infant.






Rania with adoring auntie, Mak Yang.













So you see, I am a grandmother. I can go on and on about my little princess Rania, the most exciting thing that happens in my life. Bear with me. Every grandmother will think that her grandchild is the most beautiful thing in the world. I am no different. I took hundreds of photos of her almost everyday and now she knows that when somebody holds a camera at her direction that means picture-taking and posing.
Rania, my adorable, gorgeous little princess, love you soooooo much!!!

Training Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya (PRS)

I am proud that many of my ex-students and counsellors are reviving the peer helping program or better known as Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya (PRS). Amidst enthusiasm, I do have some concerns about how PRS are trained, the trainers themselves and the goals they want to achieve. I received a lot of feedback - some very encouraging and some very disappointing. As the Founder of the program, I am concerned that the basic concept does not derail from the original principle.

Common comments that I heard is that PRS program is not working. To me whether the PRS play their roles or not depends on the trainers themselves and how they are trained to be trainers. If their PRS are not functioning , then the counsellors or the trainers should look at the way they trained the students, the modules they used, the follow-up activities they conducted and the monitoring of PRS and the projects that they do. Many counsellors seemed to train their students in ad hoc basis with no follow-up training, lack of monitoring, and minimal guidance. If this is the case, the counsellors or trainers should be careful not to blame PRS or the program. In fact the fault lies on themselves - no proper training as trainers, misunderstanding of role of PRS, lack of commitment and minimal understanding on how the program benefits the students. Many individuals are ready to highlight the negatives but refuse to look at the positive aspect, even among counsellors themselves.

The followings are a few tips that can help those interested in PRS program to enable it to be successful.

1. Not all counsellors can be good PRS trainers and not all of them are interested. Those interested and committed should be trained and the training is not just a one day workshop with an expectation that they would become experts. In 1989 - 1993, by Ministry of Education's funding, and with the help of other professionals, I conducted 3 month full-time courses for master trainers at Institute Aminuddin Baki where I was attached to at that time. They in turn trained school counsellors from all over the country for a full time one week course. This seems to be just a history now. So training of trainers for PRS program is crucial.
2. Counsellors who are interested and committed to the program, should find other alternatives if training is not provided. Use structured group work as a base to draw your module and strategy. I know counsellors trained in Unimas are comfortable in this as they have been trained in conducting structured group work in their coursework. Read books on the subject. The focus of training is experiential learning. Do not lose hope and give up. Ask help from those who have experience.
3. Proper paper should be written with clear objectives and goals, procedure etc. as record so that everyone is clear of the purpose of the program and its creditability.
4. Ethics of PRS and the trainers should be well expressed and explained.
5. Select your PRS carefully based on your needs and believe. Training academically excellence students is good but look at their social circle and relationship. Average students could find the program as a motivation to achieve. Underachievers could gain self-confidence and drive to do better. Counsellors should use the program to help students to be better individuals and establish a sense of pride of one's achievements. Be specific on your strategy of selecting your PRS.
5. Design, adopt and adapt modules to meet your objectives. The approach of training is experiential learning. Make sure the training is fun.
6. Prepare evaluation forms for feedback on your training skills, skills and knowledge gained and areas to be improved. Evaluate yourself honestly and improve as you go along.
7. Schedule regular meetings once a month, at least, for reinforcement and sharing. Stress on confidentiality. If time is a constrain, use 'mesyuarat nasi bungkus' strategy during their lunch break.
8. Bear in mind, PRS are NOT counsellors and their training is more on how to be effective friends with good listening skills - not counselling skills.
9. PRS need to keep proper records of their activities with regular checking and discussion by the counsellors on issues they need guidance. Encourage them to keep record of their activities.
10. Enhancing further skills and knowledge is important and all PRS should have regular short trainings as top-up in various skills such as leadership, decision-making, mentoring friends negotiation, public speaking etc.
11. Rope in other colleagues or counsellors who are interested in promoting students' welfare as supporters and backup personnel and train them or get them involved in activities and training. They are valuable assets as help in organizing activities.
12. Any behaviour contrary to ethics and principles of the program should be discussed with PRS before action is taken.
13. Recruitment of new PRS should involve the experienced PRS and proper supervision on the training should be done by counsellors.
14. Prepare strategy of acknowledgment to PRS as an appreciation of their contribution such as monetary reward, certificates, points, outings or special acknowledgment. This is important.

All the above points, I have written in detail in my books (though old but they are still relevant).
1. Boleh Saya Tolong Anda? First published 1989. ( The first book on Peer Helping written in Malay). My old publisher has agreed to update this book together with my 2 other books - Kaunseling Dalam Pengurusan and Anda OK!















2. Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya - Langkah Seterusnya. This book is still available through my publisher, IBS Buku Sdn Bhd. Call Balan 012 6514683 for enquiry and order.
















3. Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya - Modul Latihan Asas, 1993, published by Kementerian Pendidikan written by me with a few co-writers. You can find it in libraries or borrow from older counsellors.















4. Buku Rekod Aktiviti Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya which I wrote in 1993 and published by Kementerian Pendidikan. I suspect the book is still available in Kementerian Pelajaran with unethical new printing. Check with counsellors in Kementerian or Jabatan Pelajarn Negeri. Look for the green cover, not the purple one.













5. Perkembangan Bimbingan dan Kaunseling: Pendekatan yang Praktis, translated by me, written by Dr. Robert Myrick and published by Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka in 1993. This book is not printed anymore but can be found in DBP or libraries. Bob Myrick wrote some chapters about Peer helping which could help counsellors here in Malaysia.













6. Fasilitator Kelompok Kecil, I wrote and published in 2004 and still available from IBS Buku Sdn Bhd. Please call Balan for enquiries and order 012 6514683. This book helps counsellors to select suitable activities and games for PRS training.















7. Pengenal Kaunseling Kelompok, a book I wrote in 1989 but has been updated many times. The latest updating was in 2009 and still available at IBS Buku Sdn. Bhd. Call Balan. A good reading for counsellors to reftresh memories on group counseling.















Besides these books I have also written articles in newspapers and journals about the program and its management and impact. All materials in PRS program which I introduced while working in Institute Aminuddin Baki have been handed over to the library. I am not sure whether the materials are still kept intact there. Other source is in Pusat Dokumentasi in Kementerian Penyelidikan ( please check on name). I personally handed over some materials to the officer in charge in 1993 when I left IAB for Bahagian Sekolah-Sekolah, Kementerian Pendidikan. As a last resort some materials on PRS may be found in my personal file in the National Archive.

I wish my ex-students and other counsellors and individuals the very best of luck in conducting this program. Your dedication and interest will bear fruits sooner than you expect. Please let others who are not very sure on what to do about starting PRS program to read my blog and to get my books and other relevant books as a guide. I am also available for short discussion or short consultation through email: zuraidah.rahman@gmail.com

Above all, never forget to acknowledge your PRS' contributions. So prepare strategies of appreciations such giving monetary rewards, extra points, outings, formal announcements or any other forms of appreciation. Both PRS and counsellors need to be appreciated and acknowledged in order to maintain motivation.

May God bless you all. Good luck.