Name dropping

I Google the Art of Name Dropping and found many interesting articles, one of which is by Leila Mahfooz on 15 Nov 2009. She says name dropping is ' one of the best social skills available but one must proceed with caution.' I know what name dropping is but didn't know it's an art in doing it. Subtlety, she says, is the first principle of effective name dropping. Contacts with famous people are an asset. I have been out of social circle for so long that I am not able to relate to this. But one prominent incident came to mind.
A neighbour took so much pain to explain to me who her daughter is married to. She married at a late age (40) to a man much older than her. She mentioned that the son-in-law's sister is Tan Sri so and so who is the head of so and so company, whose brother is Dato' ...... , his uncle is a ...... and so on and so on. She asked me whether I know all those people whom she mentioned and I said 'No, none'. Honestly, I really don't know. Her surprised look seemed to indicate that I am so ignorant, 'Oh, you don't know his sister, Tan Sri...... always come out in newspaper, she is very well-known.' etc, etc. She made me feel stupid but am I stupid for not recognizing some titled people she mentioned? In God's name, I wasn't in the least interested who those people are and who her daughter is married to. I never asked nor bothered to find out. It's just none of my business.
Unfortunately I happened to see her that day and stopped to say hello. Then the story began.
What irked me most is the insinuation that I am not well-informed. I was polite enough not to tell her that I was not in the least interested.
What's going with this game of name dropping? I wonder why some people do it and for what purpose. I suspect name dropping, especially about influential and titled people, makes the person feel important and superior.
Leila Mahfooz said, 'If used imprudently, name dropping can turn into something similar to compulsive lying.' Time is most important. If you indulge in name dropping, wait for the right moment. I guess a lot of people use name dropping when they want something, such as 'Oh the Minister of ........ is my old classmate, he can help me to get this done.' I remember when I was working in Ministry of Education, many people name dropped when they want a favour. Thank God, I wasn't impressed then and definitely not now.
Another acquaintance has a habit of bragging about all her titled friends eg. the Datins, the Datos, the Puan Sris etc. Being involved in politics, I guess, open this door for her. I didn't really realize that was name dropping and how important titled people are to her until recently. We were on a group trip where we have an old close friend with us. Her new friend, a Puan Sri was also in this trip whom she befriended through her political involvement. It happened this Puan Sri and our old close friend felt sick one day. When she learned this, without pausing a moment, she grabbed hold a bunch of medicine and ran up the stairs to see the Puan Sri but never even bothered to look up our old friend who stayed just a few doors away. I was shocked. That was quite a personality revealing to me.
So, if you want to name drop, do it gracefully with an art. But ask yourself, do you need to hide behind the back of someone else to make you feel good?
If name dropping was a medicine, the package would certainly carry warning label "Use with caution. DO NOT overdose." (L. Mahfooz, 2009). For furtrher reading on name dropping, look at hubpages.com "What's in the Name" by Sue Adams.

Fear and over cautiousness

According to internet source, fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something dangerous is likely to cause pain or hurt. It's a negative emotion which can cripple a person into immobility. But there is a positive side of fear, reasonable fear, that is, it helps to protect us and to be alert to imminent danger. Feeling of fear is very natural. It's a signal that cautions us to be careful.
But fear can also be a hindrance. It makes a person become over cautious. Over cautiousness is not the problem actually but what's in the mind, is. It may lead him/her to be fixated on one thing/aspect instead of taking in the whole picture which can lead to paranoid (internet source) An overcautious person is frightened to take risks, no matter how small the risk is. He/she feels so in secured and the mind works overtime by imagining something negative might happen if she/he does something that's not usual. So decision-making is painfully slow with thousands of 'what ifs'. Usually an overcautious person looks at the negative side of things first and slow to weigh the positive side of things or actions. Insecurity, lack of confidence, fear of unknown are some traits of overcautious person. It's hard to give complement to this type of person because he/she doubts the sincerety of the complement and feels embarrass to embrace it.
As an example, an overcautious driver can be dangerous because they are so fixated on themselves and not able to think about his/her effect on other drivers. They drive so slowly, react slowly which cause stress on the road and interrupt the flow of traffic.
In my life I have met a few over cautious people. Sometimes I do admire them for their 'thoroughness' but get irritated with their slowness in making decision. Having relationship with overcautious individuals always end up in conflict. I am just the opposite of over cautiousness. I take risks and made decisions fast, sometimes regretting them later but I accept it as mistake and take responsibility. To me taking risk is part of learning and learn from the mistake I make (sometimes quite costly) but well, mistakes are the teachers in life. As I grow older I learned to take calculated/educated risks so that the negative impact (if any) is less and I think I become wiser.
An old traveling friend was always angry with me for being bossy. I couldn't stand her slow decision on doing something which I have to wait for ages. She describes herself as being cautious but to me she was being overly cautious. Her attitude and unreasonable fear always dampen my spirit and stop me from doing what I wanted to do. I get frustrated sometimes. When traveling on our own I always researched first so that I know what to expect. She didn't. Because of that she is so frightened of taking or going somewhere unfamiliar, pulling me down along the way. Finally, I just couldn't take it anymore and so I decided to travel less with her as my companion.
Another traveling companion decided to cancel our travel plan because her friend told her the country that we are going to is cold and windy. This particular friend jumped at the feedback and decided to cancel the trip without even bothering to find out more. I was so livid. We planned and researched ( I sat in front of the computer till my back ached) for the trip, then without discussing it with me she made the decision to cancel. But I decided that with or without her I'll go ahead with my plan. After talking to some of her friends, her unfounded fear was proved baseless and she decided to go ahead with the original plan. Meanwhile, it was stressful for me.
Unfounded fear and negative thinking and over cautiousness are like 'doa'. It may happen if you think it too often because you WILL it to happen. It's like 'self-fulfilling prophecy'. To me if something is destined to happen, it will happen even if you're right in front of your doorstep. Feedback, well-meaning advice should be taken with a pinch of salt, find out more before you let fear conquer you. At the same time arm yourself with relevant information and doa mohon perlindungan dari Allah. When you fear too often of 'what ifs', you don't trust God.
Check HealingWell.com and read article by Ed Edelson about "Cautious Personality Might Boost Parkinson's Risk." It may help to open some mind about the effect of fear and over cautiousness on the mind, brain cells and physical well-being.

Grandchildren

Lovely, demure Rania at 16 months. Is she going to be a heart-breaker when she grows up?














It's quite an experience being a first time grandma. Could I be an old hand at grandmothering for the second time? I don't think so. I think every birth of a new grandchild would bring new thrills in my life.











Rania is going to be a tall, willowy lass one day soon.















I am looking forward to be a second time grandma when Izrin's and Haidi's child is born. Rania is going to have a cousin to play and interact with.

















Chom, my niece emailed me some quotes about grandmother. Some tickled me so much to read the truth in it. A Welsh proverb says ' Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild.' How true it is for Rania. My heart burst with love and devotion when she entered my life. It was a different feeling altogether than when I had my first child, Ika. My life revolves around Rania and miss her tremendously when I am away. I don't know how it would be like when I have my second grandchild. I bet it would be the same.









Rania is clearly a daddy's little girl and she adores her father, Justin. She loves being in the water with her dad whom she calls 'Dadda' or 'Daddy' according to her mood. It's so refreshing to hear her giggles when she plays with him.












Ika is such a gentle mother who adores Rania to bits. A devoted mother, she worries endlessly about Rania not eating well and brims with pride when people comment how pretty and cute Rania is.















Water, water - an excitement to Rania.










Rania is indeed a gorgeous little girl with huge inquisitive eyes with long eye lashes. I don't blame her mom for being proud. I am too. To me Rania is the princess with no faults. Lois Wyse said ' If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have them first .' How true! I hope Rania willl grow up level-headed and not a spoiled child getting anything that she wants.




Hannah Whithall Smith said, ' If becoming a grand mother was only a matter of choice, I should advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is no fun for old people like it!' Oh yes, I could enjoy grand motherhood sooner if my children decided to have children immediately. But I am thankful that Ika and Justin presented me one and another by Izrin and Haidi, insyaallah. My prayers go to them to have good, stable marriages so that they in turn can enjoy the pleasure of being grand parents.




I hope Rania will remember that 'Grandmother holds her tiny hand for just a little while, but her heart forever.' (unknown). She will soon learn that 'Grandchildren are God's way of compensating them for growing old.' by Mary H. Waldrip.








'A gandmother - a wonderful mother with lots of practice.' (Unknown).








Rania will sit on my lap after prayer and says ameen after I recite alfatihah.








Will Rania quote this unknown author one day - ' Grandparent's a similar to a piece of string - handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren.'? It's possible. She is doing just that with me. She does no wrong in my eyes.
Well my Rania and my would be grandchild, I am 'Grandmothers are just antique little girls'
Love you so much my little Jantung Pisang and my yet to be introduced grandchild. You complete my life.



After Aidilfitri prayer at Maz's house 300811

Back from vacation

The primary school in Ubud. I guess the children are used of seeing tourists especially white tourists, around. They were oblivious of the strange people looking, taking photos or watching them.






The children of Sekolah Dasar I Ubud getting ready to go to class.
The school is clean and the children were given duties in group to sweep the compound and they did it happily. This is almost a non-existent sight in Malaysia. School children are not allowed to do cleaning or sweeping. The parents will complaint as they expected the school workers to do it - such unhealthy attitude. The richer the parents, the more they forbid their children to be involved in keeping the school clean. No wonder many Malaysian children are selfish and arrogant and have subsidy mentally regardless they are Malays, Chinese or Indians.

Maz and I spent 2 days in Ubud, Bali. This is our second time there. Ubud was bustling with tourists mostly whites and Australians. We stayed at the new Komeneka Rasa Sayang Hotel with large room. The service is superb. But the hotels are so close to one another and you can see the rooms next door. Next to Komeneka is the Graha Ubud Hotel and on the right is the Pertiwi Resort. Inspite of so many hotels, occupancy rate is quite high.


We walked to the market and to the old palace near the market. We weren't really keen to shop except for some souvenirs but love the massage and the body scrub. It was so cheap and so relaxing even though the place is very basic.












Maz shopping at Ubud market.















I found a shop tucked away along the narrow path to the spa specializing on cats of various forms. I told myself to stop collecting these cats but couldn't help but buy a cat key hook. I miss Mok so much and was looking for a miniature cat looking like him - none! Mok is still in my heart and no cat can match him.





We had our lunch at Cafe Mayan, just a door away from our hotel.









The food was great and the landscape was fantastic. It was green and the tables are cleverly arranged in cozy gazebos or sitting on the floor.






Maz relaxing at Cafe Mayan, Ubud.







The Monkey Forest was quite an attraction but we have been there before, so we passed. Old huge trees greet visitors at the entrance, such cooling sight. What attracted my attention was the drive from Seminyak to Ubud which took one and half hours. Along the road towards Ubud it was lined with old temples, carving workshops and clay work. Unfortunately we were not able to walk there and no photos were taken. It would be more interesting though.









2 days in Ubud was suffice for us. We were bored. Thank God, we flew home in the afternoon. My heart ached when I saw all my plants were wilting and dried for lack of water. The next day was a hard day for me, trying to revive my poor plants. I think they will survive again with much care.

3rd Raya in Bali

Eidilfitri is always hectic, visiting relatives especially. On 2nd Raya, Izrin, Haidi and I went to Malacca to visit my brothers and sisters. We were caught up in a huge traffic jam. Alamak, tahun depan balik Melaka lepas seminggu Raya. Tak tahan duduk lama dalam kereta. But this Raya is like a family gathering. Almost everyone was at Bang Mahir's house which saved us much hassle to visit them. But to do this again next year, I don't think sooo.
Ika, Justin and Rania left for Bali on early flight 1st August whereas Maz and I flew on the afternoon flight. It was such a delight to see Rania who was always overjoyed to see me and her Mak Yang. Now she can say 'Mak Yang' already and sometimes Mak Yeng (like mat saleh's twang) and not Mak Ma anymore. Maz was delighted.
We checked in at Uma Sapna Villa (Papua) in Seminyak. The villa has a small privte pool and Rania was so eager to get into the pool. We have to be vigilant over her as she would run towards the pool to play in the water. I am not crazy over Bali. To me it's like any other place in Malaysia but it was a good place to get away. I love the placid atmosphere and the privacy - it's like a house on it's own.









Rania swimming with Mum.














The small private pool at Villa Papua, Uma Sapna, Seminyak.








Rania kissing herself at Papua Villa room.













Rania was so fascinated with the big painting in our room with a huge face of a fat man. She said 'Dada' to the picture associating it with her father. Justin was nothing like that but she was excited. We spent 4 days in Seminyak and on 4th September 2011, Maz and I moved to Komeneka Rasa Sayang Hotel in Ubud which is inland and green. Ika, Justin and Rania remained in Seminyak near the sea.












The beautiful garden of Mayan Cafe in Ubud, so unique.













I found a cat shop tucked away on a narrow lane to the massage and scrub spa in Ubud. Love being there.





Ubud is overflowing with tourists especially mat salehs. I don't see their fascination with the place but it's nice enough and cozy. Our hotel is new and the service is superb. One thing I like about Bali is the workers are all locals, there's hardly any foreign workers and they guarded their job closely by making tourists feel comfortable so that they return.
But after 2 days, I felt bored. I spent most time in Bali writing my working paper for PRS seminar in UMS and preparing the powerpoint.
I received a disappointing SMS from Jin who said we might cancel our driving trip to Scotland because her friend said it was cold and rainy. I was livid. She listens too much on what others advice though they meant well. She knows that we are going in late September and Scotland is cold by then. Isn't it normal? We should be prepared but not cancel the trip for that reason. After talking to Mages, she SMS me to say we are going driving as we originally planned.
Actually I don't understand the over cautiousness and the fear she is having and at age late 60s? It reminded me so much of my old friend who couldn't sleep the whole night when we stayed on a floating house on a quiet and isolated part of a lake. She imagined us being kidnapped and brought somewhere. I laughed at her ridiculous fear but since I traveled with her I have to accommodate her wish to leave immediately next morning. At this age, to me, such fear should not be in our mind.
I was able to relax when I received her SMS. However, I already decided whether she goes or not, I am still going on my own. I have no intention of letting someone's fear to stop me. Maz and I walked around Ubud and shopped a little. We went for body massage and body scrub at a dirt cheap price. I love it.
Thank you Maz for giving me this holiday at 5 star hotels. I enjoyed the hotel more than Bali itself.