The Master of the House

My lovely Mok.

Raisa, the Queen Mother. Izrin's girl.

Mok, everybody's love, adorable and cuddly.

I saw a program in Animal Planet about training animals including cats. One guy said about his girl-friend's cat, 'I have never seen such a lazy cat in my life .....' and I said to myself aloud,' Wait, you haven't seen my Mok..........' So this post is all about my Mok.........and Raisa.

Look at Mok's sexy backside, isn't it beautiful? Mok, my beautiful, adorable, lazy, cuddly, and manja mixed persian cat is definitely the Master of the House. He has the most bushy and thick tail which stands straight when he walks. The bushy tail is his signature. When I came back to PJ house last week I was so dismayed to see his bushy tail has turned scrawny, devoid of the thick hair. What happened to my adorable Mok? He looked so funny anyway, not the majestic King that we have seen him all our life. Ika said she saw clumps of Mok's hair around but didn't really notice about his scrawny tail. Mok's hair is dropping. We hypothesized that it is because of his old age. Mok is 13 years old - as old I am. But loosing hair? A thought came to my mind. He must be like many old men, getting bald. But let other men get bald but not my King Mok.

The next day I took him straight to see the vet. We feared he might have some kind of skin disease. Weighing 6 1/2 kg, he is definitely a big cat and a bit overweight. He is sooooooo good to cuddle and he loooooves to be held on the shoulder. You can feel his weight and his thich hair rubs on your face. The vet proclaimed him in good health and no skin disease. Dr. Netto asked me the 20 questions like:

Do we have a new cat at home? No.

Have we moved house? No

Any new people in the house? No

Have we changed his food? No

Has he been left alone too long? No

Do we comb his hair regularly? Yes

Does he eat well? Yes

Does he have ticks? No.

Doe he do his toilet regularly? Yes and so on and so forth.

Dr. Netto can't find anything wrong with him. Mok's life is perfect. Everyone is at his command. He is the Master, a spoilt one and nobody can tell him what to do. He will do it only at his own time. So, what's wrong with Mok? Finally after a thorough check, Dr. Netto concluded that Mok is under stress. What????? Mok under stress???? I was amused as well as baffled. I just can't figure out what is he stressed about.

At home, Ika and I discussef Mok's state of stress. Finally we suspected that Mok is stressed because there is street cat frequenting our compound and marking his territory. Mok must be upset that someone else is leaving his mark in his kingdom and he can do nothing except watched. My adorable Mok doesn't know the art of cat fight. He is too docile. He is scared even of coachroaches. I have seen him hissing at a cat and his hair stood making him look huge but it was just a while, then he turned away without a care in the world. We agreed we have found the solution to Mok's mistery. So Ika will watch out for that male cat and shoo him away.

Pic below show Mok's scrawny tail. The tail hair has not grown bushy like before. I am in despair over this but I still love him the same. Ika and I noticed his hair is thinning. I guess old age is creeping on him too. I just hope Mok and Raisa will live forever. We just can't imagine ourselves without them. They are family.

Sometimes I think Mok is very confused. He must be thinking he is human, not a cat. He loves to be around people who dote on him and he will not survive on his own.

Izrin will complain if I don't mention Raisa, the Queen Mother. Raisa is Izrin's faithful pet. We adopted Raisa for Izrin in 1991 when she was about 3 months old. A mixed Russian Blue, Raisa is an independent and intelligent lady. She is so tidy, diligent in cleaning herself (unlike Mok) and sits and walks elegantly. We used to compare Mok's and Raisa's behaviour. Raisa is dainty and a neat lady, whereas Mok is so selekeh. Raisa will sit ladylike while eating but Mok will just gobble up his food, dip his face in the bowl of water to drink, then goes off with water dripping from his whiskers. They are related but so different. Raisa is actually Mok's grandmother.

The relationship between Izrin (Jen) and Raisa is special. Raisa sleeps with Jen and she refuses to go out of Jen's room until he wakes up. She sleeps under the blanket, just like Jen does. Her devotion to Jen is wonderful. Nobody in the house can get close to her except Izrin. She used to wait for Jen to come home at night at the door no matter how late it is. At 18 years old (100 years human age) she is still so steady but slowed down a little bit, prefering to spend her time indoors. That's my girl, Raisa!

Now that Ika is full time at home, both cats seem to know who their carer is.

B uttonight, Mok will be purring with contentment snuggling against me. I love my fat Mok!!!











Raisa, the dignified Lady of the house. She is transferring her love and devotion to Ika. Watch out Jen, Raisa may abandone you as you leave her alone too long. Yong is taking care of her now, she prefers her more than you. So eat your heart out!

Internship 09 - Message to my students

To all my counselling students from Unimas, particularly the final year students doing their internship until May 2009, this is my message to you.

For the few years I have been supervising students for their internship, I have heard the same complaints from interns about how hard and stressful it is to fulfill the requirements to graduate. Well my loves, nothing comes easy. Internship tests your creativity, perseverence, skills and strength of mind. For those who fail to acquire these will fall out but so far inspite of all the grouses students aired, they did very well indeed. I am so proud of all of you.

Problem comes when you start comparing yourself and your work with other students from other universities. Never do that! Different universities have different requirements. Rest assured, your supervisors are committed to give you the best supervision possible. I have been asked many times by your site supervisors why Unimas lecturers stay with their interns the whole day to supervise, while others don't. I can't answer that but that's our work. We want to supervise as ethical as possible. Our work is to help you, not to find faults with you. So far, I am very proud to have a lot of positive feedback from your site supervisors and I hope you, the present interns will be able to keep that up.

I know how nervous and stressed you are when you are being supervisesd. I understand that. I would feel the same too. I felt sorry but tickled sometimes when I see how nervous you were when I came to supervise. I know, just the thought of me coming to supervise, gives your spine a shiver. Do I give you such fright? My poor darlings!! Now listen to me. As I have told you many, many times, I don't come to to see you to find your weaknesses. I come with a purpose to help you, show you what you do good and what you do wrong. Believe me, I can't tell you, you are perfect as counsellors. If you are, you don't become interns, you become super counsellors. I am not a super counsellor and not perfect myself and I do make mistakes - many times but I learn through my mistakes. Making mistakes does not mean you are weak or stupid, it means it gives you opportunity to improve.

Pay attention to what is required in your internship. You have been briefed about these.

1. Make sure your reports, documents and files are kept updated. This is important. I don't excuse students who are slacked in signing informed consents, sessions reports and clients' background, making them incomplete. Training yourself to pay attention to details may save you the complexities of quieries and legal implications, if it ever happens. I talked about this at length in my ethic class.

2. Confusion on writing session reports according to SOAP format, I have explained to you when I came to supervise for the first time. So improve on it.

3. Difficulty on accumulating credit hours on group work and guidance activities. I have also encouraged you to work together, helping one another to accumulate credits, so that everyone gains. Helping is your core business, practice it. Just follow the guideline.

4. I do direct observation for the purpose to see how you used the counselling skills you were trained for. Sometimes I intervened when I saw your sessions were not productive and you missed the core issues presented by your clients. When I do that listen to what I say and your clients' responses to me. My purpose is to demonstrate to you how you can explore your clients' issues further and you will have direction. It doesn't mean you are stupid - you are not, you are under training. During our discussion, learn from it and improve in the next supervision.

5. Please never show how nervous you are in front of your client. Learn to handle it and show you are confident even though you are jelly inside.You have to gain your clients' confidence before therapy begins.

6. You are working in organizations, make yourself visible. Don't expect clients to come to you. You can do that when you have your own private clinic.

7. You are still learning, not experts. So keep on reading and refering to your textbooks or other reading materials.

8. Take care of your appearance and your interaction with people. Show that you are professional in handling issues.

9. For my students in Kuching, understand your supervisors. Learn to negotiate and tell him or her of your concerns. They will help you if you are genuine. Do not be afraid. They have gone through your life. Or the least you can do is to give them your Blog address.

As I have promised, the purpose of my first supervision is to guide you and to show you how to improve. I want to see you improve and become better. All your mistakes in the first supervision will be erased and I base my grade on your improvement in the final supervision. What I want to see is you become confident, competent and good in applying the counselling skills you have been trained for.

As I have told my former interns, you have the ability to do well and don't let other people tell you otherwise. Never let anyone make you feel small. Believe in yourself and just do your best and do the right things.
The one thing that I cannot forgive is dishonesty. Any dishonesty detected, will cause you to repeat your internship. But so far, none of my students do that, I am pleased.

I also cannot tolerate laissez-faire attitude.

For all other interns from any organizations/universities, you have the right to ask for the best supervision from your supervisors. Ethical supervision is important.

If you are stressed find ways to release it - talk to friends (Blogging as Hisham does, is good), go somewhere peaceful, see movies, soak yourself in the river ( I often do that) or any other activities that can help you to relax. Your journal is a good source to share your concerns with your supervisors. You feel frustrated with her or him, Write!!!!!

For other supervisors in Unimas, please read your interns' Blogs. Sometimes they need to be listened to.

All the best to all of you. Believe me, When it is over, you will be proud of yourself!!!!!

Grown-up

Mother and son on Hari Raya 2008.
















Haidi with her parents at family dinner on 1 March 2009.








Hurray!!!! My son, Izrin, has grown-up. In my eyes he is still the young rebellious kid that had given me so much challenge in raising a boy, just like I did to my mother. He has turned into a dedicated worker, committed to his job and responsibility, to the extend that he seems like a workerholic. I am very proud of him actually. The little boy whom I fought a lot has turned into a caring young man.

He is getting engaged!! My brothers and sisters were quite pleased to hear, finally, at 31 he wants to commit himself to this 3 years girlfriend of his. I thought he would never get himself tied down to any girl for a long time yet. I told him once that he should think of marriage only when he is 40 because he doesn't seem to like responsibility, let alone taking responsibility over another person. He took it with so much humour and I think all of us still think that he is a little boy.

So I met Haidi's parents at dinner last week. The meeting is doing away with the traditional practice of merisik etc. I don't have time to go through all that and lucky, Haidi's parents think the same way. We sat down discussing the process of tying the marital knot between the two of them and the usual preparations, like the engagement date, the tentative wedding date, the hantaran bertunang and kahwin, the mas kahwin, the rings etc, etc. Like any modern day relationship, both Izrin and Haidi have already discussed these between them and just conveyed their wishes to us. We were there just to formalise what has been agreed between the two of them. That makes things much easier. The only thing that I reminded Izrin is never start a marriage with wedding debts hanging over their heads. I think both of them know that and have plan of their own.

They want to get married next year, just after Haidi finishes her studies. So Izrin is saving for the wedding - no new car, no unnecessary additional computer parts and no lavish spending. That's good - that means he is learning to be responsible with his money. But he still insists to go to UK for his holiday in May - talk about saving!

What surprised me was, Izrin told me that he decides to marry Haidi because I approve of her and he would not choose a girl whom I don't like. Beside that, Haidi really cares for him. I was touched that inspite of his rebelliousness he still wants his mom to say OK. I feel important and I like that feeling. In our relationship as mother and son, we had quite a few conflicts, so much so, I steel myself from any pain he would cause me. I left him alone to have his own life with as little communication as possible. I am happy to see that he has become calmer though there is occassional burst of temper when he is agitated. As a mother, I do worry over him for not taking care of his health - junk food, soda, poor sleeping habit, smoking and no exercise. I have stopped nagging him over that.

I pray for Izrin's success and happiness and hope he will make Haidi happy. I hope he is aware in his mind and his heart that his mom loves him to death.

Vision Impaired

Hope is ongoing, just like the fine sand attempting to make a pattern on an unpredictable beach.

In the course of my work, I met different kinds of people, with variety of issues - personal, emotional, work-related etc etc. Listening to them verbalise their concerns make me feel more humbled and grateful to Allah for what He has given me this far in my life. Whatever deep fragile feelings buried inside me seems so trivial.

I met a young man the other day. He is a young good-looking 25-year old but vision-impaired due to glaucoma. Life is tough for him adjusting to his sudden loss of vision. Abviously he was not prepared for this. Looking at him, nobody will ever believe that he can't see, with his eyes wide and alert. But you have to look at his eyes carefully, then you will notice how hard he is trying to focus to the sound around him. Listening to him expressing his bewilderment, frustration, disappointment and fear, I try not to feel sorry for him. I believe he has what it takes to face this challenging world minus his sight. Only at this moment, he is finding his way. With lots of support, he will get over his frustration. He just needs faith, patience, determination and plenty of help - at the beginning.

I don't want to feel sorry for him. It's not pity that he needs but support and believe in him. I will hate having people pitying me if the time comes for me to loose my sight as I suffer from glaucoma too. Only time will determine when my sight will go. But if it does, do not pity me. I can do without pity, thank you. What I need is help so that I can adjust as fast as possible to the world of darknes. Loosing your vision doesn't mean loosing your dignity. I don't want to be dependent on anybody, including on my own children. This is my way of protecting myself from hurt and disappointment especially when the ones you think would care for you let you down. This is what that young man is going through - hurt that his family members are reluctant to go out of their way to help him when he is groping his way through. He cried as I would cry too. Nobody can make me cry now except my children. So help me to adjust to a new way of life and never feel sorry for me. But I am quite optimistic that I would still enjoy the beauty of the world for many more years to come - I hope and pray.

I have a number of caring friends around me. Zaitun Hussin, a former colleague in Unimas, went out of her way to find me the eyebright herbs in Australia and had it posted to me. Another friend made sure I went to see a homeopathy doctor that she knows. Bill and Kak Nor made appointment for me to see a glaucoma specialist in Adelaide but unfortunately my schedule was tight when I was there and failed to keep the appointment. Bill suffers from glaucoma too for several years and now in his 70s but still active traveling around. So I am hopeful. I am working hard to keep my eye pressure down. Stress is my worst enemy.

Good luck and all the best to the young man. I notice he has good friends at work who care for him but I hope they will help him to be independent, not dependent.

Internship 2009

I am in the midst of supervising students in their internship for their final semester. Amalia was aghast when I told her that I supervise 28 students all over the place in and around KL. She said supervising 6 students were so tiring for her, let alone 28 students. Hei, I am no superwoman. Retirement means I have no other tasks to do - no lectures, no meetings, no reaserch, no papers to write, no assignments to check, no exam papers, etc, etc. I have only supervision - on my time. So it wasn't so bad as it sounds.

But frankly, supervision does sap my energy even though I called the shot. It means I have to visit students practically everyday and my schedule is tight, so tight sometimes I feel I cannot breath. Supervision is hard work. That's why I am not so happy when friends think that now I have retired, supervising students are so easy. What crap! To many people, supervision means must go and see supervisees, conduct discussion a little bit, then it's done. Is that what supervision is? That's an insult to professionalism.

As I see it, there are two options of supervision in counselling field. Option one, supervisor visits student's site, check their records, conduct discussion on issues they face, sign the records and wallah, supervision is done. This may take about 1 hour at the most, sometimes much less. Ethically this is wrong. Spervisees have the right to insist that proper supervision and guidance should be given. Option two, supervisor makes appointment to visit students's site, meet and discuss with site supervisor about student's performance, check their records, sit and observe individual and group sessions (with clients' permission) from beginning to end, conduct discussion about the sessions, giving guidance and rate the performance. This process will require supervisors to be with students at least 4 hours. That means almost one whole day for one student and I have 28 students to be supervised for 2 visits within one semester. Do the maths.

As far as I know, Unimas has a standard mode of supervision according to ethical requirements. Students are provided with comprehensive guidelines of what they should do in their internship, so are the supervisors. So supervising counselling students from Unimas is an intense task. That's why, my energy is sapped every time after the supervision - it's so tiring. So when it is implied that supervision is an easy job, I get pissed off. All Unimas lecturers are doing their supervision according to supervision standard. Appreciation should be given to them that they want their students to graduate with confidence and that they know what they would do in their jobs.

When I was doing my practical in US a long time ago, I remember my supervisor didn't visit me but required me to hand in 3 tape-recorded sessions for her to listen, discuss and evaluate. I wasn't very happy as I learned hardly anything from the feedback she gave me through the tapes. I didn't know what I should say better nor did I know how I should develop the session. I was grateful that my site supervisor was there to guide me and allowed me to sit in her session. That was where I learned most. I didn't want my students to experience the bewilderment that I had experienced. I don't ask for tapes but insist on live sessions where intervention as a mean of demonstration is sometimes necessary, especially when students fail to recognise the main issue presented by client. But this approach presents an ethical dilemma on my part.

I checked on Ethics in Supervision (Welfel, 2005). In ACA Code of Ethics, it says Counselling supervisors monitor client welfare and supervisee clinical performance by regular meeting to review cases, sample of clinical work and live observation. In my case monitoring client's welfare proves rather difficult as I have a big number of students and just cannot afford the time to help the client by taking the case. I have one or two cases where clients of my supervisees insisted to talk to me instead of the student especially when intervention was successful to identify their main concerns. One instance, threat of suicide was used to intimidate the supervisee to disclose my telephone number (it's in the informed consent they signed). We communicated and I suggested that he continued counselling with my supervisee and I will provide consultation. Thank God, nothing dramatic happened. My dilemma, what if threat is executed or something dramatic takes place. In supervision process, shouldn't I provide guidance and intervention so that my supervisee understands what should be done? Should I just keep quiet and tell my supervisee after the session even though I see the session is unproductive and issues are not addressed? What will happen to the client? I am still pondering on the right ethical decision.

On checking the ethical dilemma, Welfel stated '...novice counsellors should be carefully supervised so that errors can be prevented or minimized when they occur.................it is clear supervisors are obliged to monitor supervisee progress and intervene when meaningful deficit occur to protect client welfare and to facilitate supervisee development.' (see page 304). I am quite comfortable with my supervision and have given my best in helping my supervisees. So it is imperative for Unimas and other universities to choose student internship placement to organizations where the site supervisors are licensed and experienced counsellors. This is important in case immediate intervention is needed when supervisors are not within reach.

Anyway, supervision is still a means for me to learn - from my supervisees and clients as well as from the site supervisors. Sometimes I feel so appalled (spelling?) when I heard comment like 'ethic tu cakap je, tak de orang ikut'. If it comes from counsellors, no wonder many counsellors do unethical things and bring the name of counselling to shame. I hope my students remember what I taught them in Ethic class.

To all my interns, good luck in your final supervision. Just do not repeat the mistakes I pointed out to you in the first supervision. My comment: everyone shows potential to be good counsellors, just have confidence and believe in yourself and do your best.