Glaucoma update

44 days in Mecca and Medina made me forget about my glaucoma. I didn't have those little nagging headaches as I used to suffer. I only remembered glaucoma when I put my eye drops - Alphagan and Permata Hijrah. A week after I returned, the nagging headaches came back. Disappointed, I asked myself why???
My self-analysis:
1. In Mecca and Medina, I focused only on doing Hajj and the prayers. I was oblivious on what was happening in the world, including my family. No TV and No computer.
2. Tawaf, Sae and walking back and forth to and from the mosque provided the necessary excercise.
3. My stress was only on looking at the Jemaahs' behaviour which I couldn't control. Reading the Quran was therapy.

When I returned:
1. Irritated with the endless coughing even though bottles of cough syrup and pills have been taken. I still cough badly.
2. Little rest - getting my life in order again.
3. TV and computer become my friends again.
4. Limited exercise - I became complacent.
5. Raisa is really sick.





Old and ailing Raisa.









6. Stress and worry over Izrin's conflict with his fiancee. ( Ika told me to let go and let him deal with it. Unfortunately, it has something to do with me which Izrin cannot let go of the past. I am tired and fed-up. So, if he wants to screw up his life with stupid childhood experience, I decided, it's his choice. I am done with hitting my head for him).
7. Upset over the thoughtless apartment owners and occupants. The piping system of DL1-4 is faulty and it makes a lot of noise. My sleep was disturbed every time the pipe was turned on. Talking to the agent was useless - defensive and giving me excuses. Reported to the management but no result so far. This creates more headaches and stress.

Result:
On 19 Jan 2010, I went for eye check up at UH. Despair set in - my eye pressure went up again - danger level. I am done with crying and getting depressed. Permata Hijrah didn't help either. So be it. Life has to go on and hope my sight will stay with me for a while yet. The doctor prescribed an additional eye drop. I am going to enjoy myself. So Taj Mahal, here I come during CNY (just to get away from the endless fire crackers from selfish people. The Police and the government should take serious step to curb this menace. If Singapore can do it, why can't we?).

To all my Chinese students and friends, Happy Chinese New Year.

Some Hajj pointers

Masjidil Haram - the old part facing Multazam.














My Hajj experience in 2009 is something that I'll always remember. I learn much more about human behaviour in chasing blessings from Allah. Some did it with 'grace' and some did it with 'greed' when welfare of others was disregarded and self -interest became the focus.
When you know somebody or anyone going to do his/her Hajj this year, please share the few pointers here. I hope these will give an idea of what to expect.

1. Attend the course organised by Tabung Haji faithfully- learning about the proper process and procedures, the dos and the don'ts, to differentiate between the cultural beliefs and the real Islamic practice, what is Sunat and what is Wajib. This will be explained in the course conducted in series. Listen and take notes. There are many relevant pointers that some jemaahs forget when they perform Hajj- by their own choice.

2. Listen and follow doctor's advice to take care of your own health. By being healthy, you also take care of the health of others by not transmitting any germs to them. Faithfully wear face masks everywhere. So far I have not heard anyone die wearing face masks. You may not look pretty or good-looking wearing it but does it matter? You may find it uncomfortable at first but believe me, you'll get used to it. But if you keep telling yourself that you can't, it means you won't - that's selfishness.

3. There is no point doing umrah many times (as if there is a competition) and get sick and spread germs to others. There is no need to brag how many times you do your umrah, God knows. Drink air zam-zam as much as possible. Pah and I asked the boy who served our meal to supply us a 10 litre container of air Zam-zam which lasted more than a week for the two of us and paid him Rial 20 every time.

3. When you go to Wuquf and to Mina, please bring a pair of thin rubber glove or plastic bags. Do some charitable deed, pick up the rubbish left by irresponsible jemaahs. It's OK, let other people stare and think whatever they want. You get more blessings doing it, rather than pretending not seeing it. Hope that one or two jemaah will do as you do, then Mina will be a better and healthier place. The moment you're out of Ihram, wear your face mask.

4. In Arafat and in Mina, take shower during lull time, not before praying time. Make some sacrifice, you'll do good deed.

5. Never, never, never litter wherever you are. Keep your tissues or whatever rubbish in your pocket or in your bags if you can't find rubbish bins immediately. Help to keep the place clean even though there is on-going cleaning. Be proud that you do that, practice it there and anywhere you go, including in your own place or country. In the mosques, pick up the plastic cups left by irresponsible people rather than kicking it out of your way.

5. Avoid struggling with males and females to pray in front of the Kaabah. Pray anywhere where you can focus and in calmness. You're facing the Kaabah anywhere you are praying though not visually. Allah knows what you are doing. Don't forget to wear face mask. If you want to take the opportunity to pray in front of the Kaabah, do it in the morning after prayers. I did this almost everyday - after breakfast, I went to Masjidil Haram, did my Tawaf Sunat and prayed at the Mataaf facing Multazam choosing a place where less people crossing my path, in peace, then I went back to the hotel to rest. At zohor, I went to pray at the aircon part of the mosque in the women's section until Asar. Maghrib and Isyak, I prayed at the top level of the Tawaf, open air with less crowd, still overlooking the Kaabah. The place is healthier with fresh cool breeze.

6. If you're coughing, please don not spit everywhere - you're spreading germs, an act of unkindness. Spit in the rubbish bins or in your tissues and throw it away. Bring lots of tissues with you. Please oh please, do not berkahak when people are eating. It's a dirty and disgusting habit.

7. Islam encourages moderation. It boggled my mind to see how Malay Muslims shopped and spent their hard-earned money, shopping and posting parcels home. An uztaz said it's baraqah (berkat) to buy things from Mekah even though they are made in China of low quality (????) but he didn't mention about spending in moderation. Islam doesn't say shop until you drop in Mekah. So, manage your money and be wise in spending. Temptation to buy is great and that's where iman plays a big part in your decision. So apply what Islam teaches you.

3. When you do your Tawaf avoid doing it very near the Kaabah where there is a lot of pushing and cutting path especially for people who want to go to Hajaratul Aswat. That's a place where sunat becomes haram where men and women push and struggle - an ugly, indisciplined sight, where Islam forbids such act. Follow the flow of the crowd in Tawaf patiently. If you are not able to focus, go to the second or third level with less people and do the Tawaf there, even though you have to take longer time. It's the quality of your focus and the internalisation of the process that count.

4. In Masjid Nabawi, Medina, visiting Makam Rasullullah and Raudhah is another big struggle. Avoid running and pushing to get to the Raudhah. It's there and it won't run away. Be patient and wait for your turn. If you get the opportunity to pray at the real Raudhah (the front part, at the 3 pillars) be kind, leave after you've done your prayer for somebody else to take your spot. Do not return and struggle again to do another prayer there, it's the same. Give others a chance, do not be selfish and self-focused. I heard a few Malaysian ladies bragged that after they were asked to leave, they doubled back a few times and struggled to pray at the Raudhah again and again, depriving other people a chance to pray there. You do that, it means you're unbelievably selfish and practice a very unislamic behaviour. You have done your doa at Raudhah, leave when you're asked to. You can pray at other part in the mosque.

5. Very important - prepare yourself physically, financially, emotionally and psychologically about Hajj. Many will tell you all the good things about performing Hajj forgetting to tell the crowd, the unislamic behaviour of the people, the challenge to stay focus on the Hajj rituals, the abuse of Masjidil Haram, the unsatisfactory conditions and policies of the Hajj package you chose and your own behaviour and beliefs. If you listen only to the good things, the negative aspects of the process will give you a big shock. The shock may affect you psychologically and screw up your mind and your beliefs. The rituals of Hajj are simple but the challenge is on the human behaviour which many are contrary to the teaching of Islam. So get yourself prepared and understand why you do your Hajj.

6. Help yourself by avoiding being condecending and self-righteous. Be truthful to yourself, don't deny reality. If the place is dirty, it's dirty - nothing wrong to admit it. Avoid being condecending that you see only beautiful sight even though it's filthy. Denials don't help to improve thing. Play a part by not making things worse. Please, when someone commented on the negative sights, it doesn't mean he/she is not blessed by Allah (how do you know?). It's better to be truthful than a hypocrite.

I salute Tabung Haji. If possible go with Tabung Haji, it's more systematic and efficient. Some private Hajj packages are good, choose wisely. I know it's difficult to satisfy everybody in big groups but efficient management is crucial. I hasitate to recommend TM Tours to my relatives and friends but I am thankful that through them I was able to go to Hajj for the second time. There were so many issues they have to improve and deal with to make it a more satisfactory package. I was really impressed with Tabung Haji especially at Kelana Jaya when they sytematically board big number of jemaahs on the buses and on the planes. Everything went on so smoothly. The medical service in Mekah and Medina was superb. I just hope Tabung Haji will be able to make staying in Mina more systematic, cleaner and heathier, so that less people get sick.

My stress

Stress is good actually. It makes our brain works to find ways to overcome it. When the brain gives up to think of ways to overcome the stress, then depression creeps in. That's when stress gets blown out of proportion. This brain of ours is a wonderful and powerful thing that God creates for us. Life without stress is boring. There's no challenge and we become complacent. But too much stress without positive management will cause havoc in our life. So identifying and managing the stress make our lives more exciting - if we take it in a positive way.
I thought when I retired, I would lead a free, calm and peaceful life where my stress lies on how to budget my pension and where to travel next and that's why I chose to live by the sea in my PD apartment. Ha...ha... fat hope! True, when one doesn't have stress, one will look for it. Yeah, I look for stress alright. Living in a resort is no heaven. I thought I would have peace and quiet - a false perception. During weekends, public and school holidays are nightmares for me. The resort becomes unbearably noisy and dirty, curtesy of stupid, selfish and irresponsible visitors, mostly Malaysians. Last weekend was a real nightmare. The apartment next door was rented out. The piping system has become a source of stress to me for a long time. Complaints after complaints were lodged to the caretaker and the resort management. Attempts were made to ractify the faulty pipes but they were temporary. Everytime, when the occupants turned the kitchen or toilets pipes a most noisy and irritating sound came out. The pipes were turned on from time to time until 3.00 am and woke me up from my sleep. The irritating sound can drive you up the wall and caused me headache. Even my poor Mok got up bewildered when a pipe was turned on. This problem has been going on since I started living in my apartment on November 2007. This time was the last straw. I can't be patient and tolerate this anymore. It has become a nuisance and affected my sleep, my rest, my peace and of mind and my blood pressure.
The next Sunday morning, I went to PD police station to lodge a police report. I am fully prepared to take legal action. I consulted May, a lawyer, a member of the Management Committee about my right and what I can do. I wrote a letter to PD Ascot who managed this apartment and requested them to cease renting this apartment until the problem is ractified. My sister-in-law from Adelaide and Najidah who stayed overnight during weekends have also complained about this. I am prepared to get a court order to stop the owner and caretaker to rent this apartment and take further step later on. Yesterday, the management told me they have a plumber coming to repair the problem. I hope its' not temporary as before.
I also notice there was another apartment somewhere above me which have the same problem. I couldn't identify which apartment and hope I could find out soon. The owners of the apartment don't live here but rent out their apartments. So they don't care whether such problem would bother other people - disgusting selfish attitude of some people. Today, it's so quiet and relaxing but I don't know how it would be this coming weekend.

Raisa

My Qeen Mother, Raisa is sick! She is almost 19 years old and old age is catching up with her. I was in Mecca when Ika SMS me saying that Raisa is in hospital at UPM Vetenary Clinic, suffering from kidney failure. I was devastated. SMS went to and from Mecca regularly asking how Raisa was doing. According to Ika, she noticed that Raisa didn't eat, didn't move around and her body smelled. She immediately brought her to Dr.Netto at UPM Clinic near Hilton, PJ and Dr. Netto advised her to get Raisa to UPM. I always like UPM anilmal clinic-so pretty, welcoming and comfortable.
Izrin was out of his mind. Raisa is his girl for 19 years and devoted to her as Raisa is to him. He visited her in the clinic which cheered her up and helped her to get out of her depression. She stayed there for 2 weeks until the day I returned from Hajj. I was upset to see how thin and fragile Raisa is. She has always been the lady of the house, very regal and dainty but so lemah semangat. Mok, the naughty one, alwaus frightened her and poor Raisa has no peace. Actually Mok was trying to play with her but because he was rough, Raisa didn't like it and ran away from him. So when Raisa was in hospital, Mok is the King of the house. Doctor's diagnose of Raisa is grim - she thinks Raisa will live the longest one year. Izrin was in despair.
Now Raisa has to be forced-feed and medicated. Ika is wonderful. She cared for Raisa like a baby and I bet she is going to be a great mom when her baby comes. Izrin is so busy with his work that Ika took over the caring of Raisa. She has to go for dialysis at UPM every 2 or 3 days. I am so grateful that my children care for their pets and took responsibility. Raisa and Mok have given us so many delighful years and were always the focus of our conversation, binding the family together. We know that Raisa will go one day and but hope not too soon. I just can't imagine what will happen to all of us if Mok were to leave us, we just don't want to think about it.
Mok is with me now in PD, giving Ika a reprieve to focus on Raisa. When I came back, Raisa claimed my bed expelling Mok out. She didn't wait for Izrin anymore. If she slept down, at night she would miawed so loud that I have to go and reassure her that I am with her. This reminded me of my mother when she was ailing. She would cry if she was left alone and wanted somebody in her sight all the time. I became impatient as I have other chores to do and let her cry for sometime. Thinking about it made me feel so guilty and so bad that I asked Allah to forgive me over and over again. I just wished I was kinder and more understanding then. God knows the turmoil I went through when I was praying in front of the Kaabah - pleading to Allah to forgive me for being unkind to my mother when she was old and ailing. This is the experience I want my children and other children to know and to realise - it's so painful and the guilt feeling will haunt you until you are as old or older than me, maybe for life. I went through this process and fervently hope Allah forgives me. I still cry.
Mok is with me now in PD - I am cat-sitting! A group of girls from UTM who were attending their Property Management workshop at Corus Paradise Hotel were staying at the apartment next door and Mok became the centre of attraction, being held and photographed. He was the star!! He is so cute with his fat ass and legs wobbling when he ran. Being a lazy and a spoilt cat, it's hard to make him go for walk for exercise but I managed to persuade him a bit.

My Hajj Experience 2009 - Medina

Beautiful Masjid Nabawi, Medina. Entrance to the men's section with non-stop mechanised cleaning.










Medina was a delight. I always like this clean, modern city with moderate climate. The drive from Mecca to Medina took more than 8 hours, stopping along the highway for lunch and prayer. The stop-over place was as filthy as years ago when I did my Umrah, not a restful, comfortable and clean place. The government seems to forget that there are thousands of people break their journey along the way to Medina and they need a place that's clean. The condition was real bad.

We arrived in Medina at Maghrib time and checked in Bahauddin Hotel, a modern hotel in front of Masjid Nabawi's door for ladies. The new Masjid Nabawi is magnificent.





The old part of Masjid Nabawi where Makam Rasullullah is, indicated by the green dome.














The courtyard is now sheltered from sun by rows of huge beautiful umbrellas. I don't know exactly know what they are made of. You don't have to fight your way to find a praying place for Zohor and Asar in the mosque. The courtyard is cool and breezy and most time when I found the mosque was packed, I prayed there with many other Malaysians. But of course, just like in Masjidil Haram, there are Malaysians who believe that praying inside the mosque is more pahala but not in the courtyard. So the struggle continues.




The huge umbrellas are closed in the morning and at night.

















The half-closed umbrella.












The discontent among the jemaahs towards the company spilled over to Medina. Though the hotel is good, very near the mosque, clean with regular service, there was another kind of struggle. With more than 500 jemaahs, the dining space was so limited, shared with other groups of companies. Breakfast, lunch and dinner were big tussles. Limited tables and chairs, crammed buffet tables, jumping Qs, coughing at food tables and greedy habit of piling huge amount of food in the plates and left it unfinished were the unsightly daily scenes. Again I wondered what Hajj meant to them. I resorted to going to the dining hall as fast as I could, took some food and brought it up to my room to eat in peace. Lunch was always kebabs or bakso bought outside and sometimes dinner too. Another hassle was the elevators which are small and cannot accommodate the 800 people in the hotel. It was an endless struggle and you were told to be redha and sabar because it's Ujian - all man-made that could be avoided with efficient management.

Throughout my stay in Mecca and Medina after Mina, I was unwell. My body was filled with cough mixtures, panadol and antibiotics. We were reminded to use face masks in crowded places, I wore it faithfully but my roommate simply refused because she didn't feel comfortable wearing it. I have never heard of people die of wearing a face mask. So every time she got the attack, the next day I would fall sick too and I was so tired of being sick all the time. It was so frustrating and tiring - the 'I, Me, and Myself' syndrome really reared an ugly head. Since wearing a face mask didn't help me to avoid the germs in my room, I used it for the purpose to protect others from getting the germs/virus from me when I coughed or sneezed. The same thing happened also in Medina and I have to cancel joining the ziarah trip outside Medina. By the time I reached KLIA, I was still coughing so badly. It has calmed down a bit now but I still need to get drug into my body.

It rained in Medina on 22 Dec 09 at Asar - not the heavy rain as we have here in Malaysia. There was only one umbrella opened. Everybody ziroed in the mosque for prayer and it was really jammed packed as the women's section couldn't accommodate the huge number of women jemaahs. I chose to pray outside under the umbrella, in calmness and in peace. Well, rain is water and water will dry. So it was no big deal for me when my telekung and my praying mat got a bit wet. One Indian lady slipped in the mosque and broke her arm. I could imagine the chaos in the mosque when everybody fought for a space to pray. I loved the rain, it made it so cool and pleasant and the rain went away as fast it came. Many Malaysians couldn't understand why I chose to pray in the courtyard during the rain.

Arrangement for returning to Malaysia ignited another conflict between the company and the jemaahs. The company, working with Tabung Haji and MAS suggested that all jemaahs pay Rial 35 so that all baggage would be handled by airport staff which made it easy for all. I was delighted with this plan. I thought why not do it and treat the Rial 35 as sedekah to those airport workers who had to work hard to check in all luggage. Another selfish attitude surfaced when many questioned why we have to pay Rial 35 and why not paid by the company and accused the company was making money out of the jemaahs. Out of sheer frustration the organiser cancelled the plan and everyone had to struggle with bags and jumping Qs. It was unbelievable. I just didn't understand it. Many shopped for thousand of ringgits plus paying hundred of ringgit to send parcels home and they grudged the Rial 35 for the airport service? Where did charitable heart go when they just completed Hajj?

In the plane, Ju, one of the jemaahs told me that she regretted for not smuggling a few bottles of Zam-zam water in her luggage, as so many did. I told her not to regret it as she was doing the right thing. We have been warned the danger of having zam-zam water in the luggage - it can endanger the lives of people in the plane. But I know many disregarded it and out of sheer selfishness they think for their own benefit alone - not for the safety of the people in the plane and they were proud for being successful in fooling the airline. This is really mind-boggling for me - how do these people think and associate with what they do with Hajj? There is something wrong somewhere, where the internalization of Islamic teaching is concerned. Are we really the real Muslims that we claim we are????

This Hajj, I have seen so many noble deeds and kindness which delighted me but also as many if not more of selfish, unislamic behaviour of the jemaahs. In Al-Haram and Nabawi, there were so many questions I asked Allah to enlighten me on what being a Muslim is all about - are they only the prayers, the aurat, the haram and the halal?

Out of these experiences, I am still so very grateful that Allah graced me the opportunity to do my Hajj again and thus saw a different side and understanding than what I saw in 1984. I hope for those who read my Blog and plan to do their Hajj to learn from it and made some changes in themselves.

In my next Blog, I would like to make some suggestions for the would be Jemaahs for the years to come.

My Hajj experience 2009 - Arafat and Mina

25 Nov 2009, still in Mecca preparing to go to Arafat for Wuquf. My jaw almost dropped when I heard big thunders and heavy rain - in Mecca? I have been to Mecca more than a dozen times and this is the first time I heard thunder and heavy rain. Some viewed the rain as a blessing but the organisers were worried about the floods news that might delay our trip to Arafat. I received SMS from Maz who was in Dubai at that time, asking whether I was caught in the 'big flood' as reported on TV. It was such an exaggeration. In actual fact, due to poor drainage system because they have not had much rain, the roads were with water but it was nothing compared to our Malaysia flash floods. Cars, small or big, could still go through. I guess it was such a big news to see Mecca with rains.

I was surprised that the drive to Arafat took about half an hour. The road system has improved tremendously with highways with multiple exits - it wasn't like in 1984. The tent in Arafat was pathetic with cloth roofs but colourful. It rained there too and the mattresses were soaked wet. We had to remove the mattresses and slept on mats and carpets. 25 - 26 Nov in Arafat was devoted to prayer. Discontent and unhappiness have to be put aside and focused on our Wuquf. True what people say. Sometimes during Hajj you see the other side of a person whom you think you know well - the real side of the person. I learned this and it surprised me to see a person who prided herself for being patient, calm, gentle and caustious showed unreasonable temper tantarums because things did not go the way she wanted it. In fact, I surprised mysef during the Hajj period for being accepting, calm and understood that in such situation some form of sacrifices were needed. Where did my temper and impatience go? I so wanted it to go away permanently and make me a nice even-tempered person that everyone likes -but that's not me.

Naaimah and her staff tried to make things better but deep discontent among the jemaahs about the management were obvious but I promised myself in my prayer that I would keep calm and deal with the issues when my Hajj was over and I am proud I was able to do just that.
The Wuquf was a fulfilling process for me. I was able to focus on my prayers and prayed not only for me but also for my children, siblings, relatives, friends, students and my country and its leaders. As Wuquf is a time when Allah grants your wishes, I prayed so hard for my Malaysia to be in peace always bringing the dignity of Islam to glory and the leaders could make amends inspite of their different political aspirations. I wonder how many of the jemaahs focused on their country and not on themselves alone.







The open sky at Arafat during Wuquf.








Inspite of the discomfort, we managed to go through our Wuquf, syukur alhamdullillah. We left Arafat after maghrib for Muzdalifah to fufill another requirement for Hajj - Mabit or to sleep there and that's the place where we picked 70 small stones for the Melontar or stoning of the devels rituals in Mina. Another discomfort awaited us, with thousands of Jemaah, toilets became big problems. Sharipah and I limited our drinking, not a healthy decision but we wanted to minimise the need to go to toilets. We rested on the mat while waiting for midnight to pass and at about one o'clock in the morning the buses came to pick us to Mina tents to stay for 3 days.


Mina was a disaster!! The tent where 29 of us stayed was cramped. We slept huddled together and that was where we slept, ate, read Quran and prayed. Nobody wore face masks and everywhere there were bad coughing and spitting. The situation was so unhealthy and was made worse by limited number of toilets for such huge number of jemaahs. The conditions of the toilet were appalling, made worse by selfish dirty Malay Muslim ladies who simply put soiled sanitary pads and rubbish in the toilets when there were rubbish bins outside. I was shocked, angry and disgusted. We were in the midst of our Hajj and they did the haram thing blatantly. These were the so called Muslims who covered themselves from head to toes but in actual practice they were hypocrites, ridiculing the basic teaching of Islam - cleanliness and welfare of others. I didn't know how to describe the miserable Malay attitude of those irresponsible women who had no shame and conscience. If the tents were shared with other races like the Indonesians, they could easily blamed them but the tents were for Malaysians only!! Was that what Hajj meant for them?? Mencemarkan kesucian fardhu haji?



At Jamratul Aqabah.









What surprised me so pleasantly was the process of Melontar. I was amazed at how much improvement has been done to make the process easier, compared to the time in 1984. There was no tension, no rush and no pushing with other people. The place was big enough to accomodate the melontar as the Saudi Governement has placed tight schedules for different countries to do their duty. There were 5 levels of Jamrah now instead of one before, so it was more relaxing though the walk there took 6 km one way.

Selfish attitude and inconsideration of others seemed to be the order of the day. Since toilets were limited, usage should be minimal and fast. Taking showers nearing prayer time were thoughtless and selfish but that was what was done. Long Q waited for those stupid water princesses to shower and many missed the morning prayer for not having enough time to ease themeselves and for abolution, whereas showering could be done after the prayers. I felt so sorry for some old ladies who pleaded to use toilet first to ease themselves and had to wait for some time. One or two couldn't hold and wet themselves at the toilet doors. I cried silently inside, in despair looking at the 'I, Me and myself' attitude of the Malay Muslims there. What's the meaning of Hajj to them? Why wasted so much money for Haj but refused to practice compassion and cleanliness?

Toilets were never cleaned for the 3 days we were there. Rubbish were thrown everywhere. I was looking for brooms and dust pans to do the cleaning and I would do it if I could find it. I picked the thrown plastic bags and rubbish with my fingers and threw them in the rubbish bins and I saw one or two others did the same but how much could we do when so many just couldn't care less? With such condition, no wonder so many of us got sick after Mina. I lost my voice and flu hit me hard.

As for the men, they spit phlem anywhere with such disgusting sound. Some urinated at the rubbish bins leaving stink beyond words. These are Muslims who have to wash themselves clean before prayer but in real life they are dirty pigs! With tension towards the organising company rising (TM Tours and Travels) dissatisfaction and anger ranged high, made worse by the jammed packed buses provided to go back to Mecca. We were told to be redha because all these were UJIAN. Oh yes, easy solution - blame it to GOD whereas the Ujian was man-made that could be avoided. Those who were gruntled would not get Haji Mabrur, so just shut up and don't say a word! Who is to determine who gets Haji Mabrur??

What I felt sad about was that none of the ustazah and uztaz who gave talks in the tents touched on the importance of cleanliness in Islam which should be applied in daily life. They saw the condition of the toilets but no mention to relate it to daily Islamic practices such as, it's haram to throw dirty sanitary pads for people to see. The focus was solely on how to pray this and that sunat, how to cover yourself and the routine prayer practices - but not relating it to practicing the actual teaching in Islamic life. I am not a pious lady but I think this is why we have so many hypocrites who judge others according to their standard of piousness. To me this is the weakness of Islamic religious teaching - failure to relate the teaching to daily life practices and resulting in lacking of penghayatan and over-emphasised on routines and rituals.


We heaved a huge sigh of relief when we left Mina which could easily become the filthiest city in the world - a testimony of irresponsible attitude and behaviour of Muslims. I hope Tabung Haji could do something to improve the condition in Mina in the Malaysian section for other Hajj seasons and making it a safe and healthy place.







This was my own personal experience told in a very candid truthful manner. Some might not like it and tried to portray that everything was good and fine and for one who saw some faults wasn't a deserving one. I am a true Muslim - body, mind and soul but I am not blind to the faults of human beings, including myself. I am no angel - impatient and direct and in so doing, I hurt feelings but I don't gossip or talk bad about others behind their backs - they get it direct from me.

My Hajj Experience 2009

The Kaabah in Masjidil Haram with people doing their Tawaf.













My eternal syukur alhamdullillah to Allah for allowing me to do my second Hajj and to bring me back safely to my family on 28 December 2009. Being away for 44 days solely for Hajj was quite a testing experience. What a difference it was with my first Hajj in 1984 with the 2009 experience.
For those who plan to do Hajj in the near future, I would seriously advise you to prepare yourself not only on the procedure of performing Hajj but also to prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, psychologically and physically. The psychological preparation is most important as you may face challenges you least expected, not from Allah but from people. With 4 million people converge at one place at the same time, there are many unislamic behaviour that may shock your core beliefs.

During this Hajj, there were so many questions that I asked myself after observing the behaviour of my fellow Muslims, Malaysians included. The question why we perform Hajj was clear cut - to fulfill the requirement of the fifth pillars of Islamic faith but I was baffled on how many Muslims apply the teaching in their daily life, many did contrary to the teachings. Self-absorption and selfishness became the centre of focus, to the exclusion of other people's comfort or interest. Is Hajj only for 'I, Me, Myself and my God'? Isn't there a fardhu Kifayah that Allah encourages people to consider other people's welfare and to extend help and to sacrifice self-interest for the benefit of the Ummah? The Islamic religion that I learn and believe has implications of very disciplined practices, not based on self alone as I have seen being practiced even during Hajj.

The great mosque, the Al-Haram, is looked upon with much esteem, the symbol of Islam where you expect Islamic teaching is applied. Due to the great number of jemaahs, the mosque officials were not able to impose male-female segregation during prayers. In some part of the mosque it became like a pesta, males and females grouped together as if in a party. I felt most uncomfrotable having a male praying next to me in the same Saf, or behind me. I have to take great care so that my air sembahyang was intact. Many refused to let their husbands or wives pray separately, Malaysians included. Immediately after prayers some will lie down to go to sleep amidst people walking in and out. Young women (many Indonesians) simply lie down with both legs wide open - such disgusting sight. I was amazed and upset at this ugly behaviour and questioned where are their religious and moral values. It's high time the mosque officials use whip to whip unislamic behaviour in the mosque. To avoid seeing unsightly scene, I chose to pray at the old part of the mosque where there are clear barriers between men and wome but even then, some attempted to subortage the practice when mosque officials were not around. My fervent prayer is that the Saudi Government takes immediately actions to stop the misuse of Al-Haram and have better crowd control.

Beside this, attitude and personal beliefs reared ugly heads. I have not been told if you prayed in front of the Kaabah during prayer time, you get more pahala. God says 'Pray anywhere in my mosque (Al-Haram)' and doesn't promise less pahala if you don't. Because so many ( many Malaysians as well) are so self-absorbed, that they literally fight for the little space, praying directly facing the Kaabah. There were so much pushing, arguing and shouting - man and woman alike - that having total peace was almost impossible. I felt sorry for the mosque officials who tried their best to make people go to pray at other places but many totally refued to budge, blocking walking path and disregarded other people's comfort. I tried to pray there a couple of times and decided that I am no more nearer to God but further for I couldn't find focus in my prayer. I chose to pray somewhere else where there were more peace as I know no matter where I prayed, I would be facing the Kaabah, though not visually. I hope those Malaysians who will go for Hajj to remember that selfish attitude doesn't make you a better Muslim. Al- Haram is such a huge mosque that there a place for prayer for everyone if the jemaah is well-disciplined and practice the Islamic teaching. Many Malaysians bragged how they managed to pray facing the Kaabah and that's the only place they would want to pray, including my own friend! It was such a misplaced belief!!



Photo after Tawaf Sunat at the third level overlooking the Kaabah.











To me the Tawaf is such a calm, beautiful and powerful way to communicate with God beside direct prayers, if the jemaahs walk with patience and even pace. But unruly, indisciplined jemaahs would pushed, jostled and cut your walking path in their hurry to complete the process. The thoughtless behaviour spoilt the beauty of the Tawaf. I hated being pushed, jostled and hanged on by selfish individuals that disturb my concentration. Again focusing became a problem. I really needed peace and calmness when I say my doa in total absorption to God. It was impossible to do so. So most times, my Tawafs were done on the third level overlooking the Kaabah where there were less people, for to complete the 7 rounds would take about 1 hour 20 minutes with calm walking compared with 40-45 minutes near the Kaabah. But I loved it as I could feel serenity crept in when I read my doa with no disturbance - it's me and Allah and I knew He heard me. So, you have a choice, depending on the state of your mind but I do wonder how much focus can you give when people constatntly pushed and jostled you around. You must be a robot if you deny being bothered somehow!!

What I am sharing here is real experience and observation though it may sound negative but these are reality that need to be accepted and addressed. I know a lot of peple will say that everything is Ok and perfect, implyimg those like me who saw the imperfections are not blessed by Allah - banyak dosa!! What hypcrites and they live in denials!! As long as we live in denials, there will never be awareness and attempts to make things better. Attitude will remain stagnant and there is no improvement. Living in denials means living in fear, especially in facing the truth. Video cameras and photos as prove are not suffice enough to convince them that there are imperfections among jeamaahs even in Masjidil Haram! I prayed to Allah to give me rezeki and health and to let me come back again to Mecca at least for Umrah in 4 years time when Mecca is having new look.

In my next blog I'll talk about my experience in Arafat , Mina and beautiful Medina.