My Hajj Experience 2009

The Kaabah in Masjidil Haram with people doing their Tawaf.













My eternal syukur alhamdullillah to Allah for allowing me to do my second Hajj and to bring me back safely to my family on 28 December 2009. Being away for 44 days solely for Hajj was quite a testing experience. What a difference it was with my first Hajj in 1984 with the 2009 experience.
For those who plan to do Hajj in the near future, I would seriously advise you to prepare yourself not only on the procedure of performing Hajj but also to prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, psychologically and physically. The psychological preparation is most important as you may face challenges you least expected, not from Allah but from people. With 4 million people converge at one place at the same time, there are many unislamic behaviour that may shock your core beliefs.

During this Hajj, there were so many questions that I asked myself after observing the behaviour of my fellow Muslims, Malaysians included. The question why we perform Hajj was clear cut - to fulfill the requirement of the fifth pillars of Islamic faith but I was baffled on how many Muslims apply the teaching in their daily life, many did contrary to the teachings. Self-absorption and selfishness became the centre of focus, to the exclusion of other people's comfort or interest. Is Hajj only for 'I, Me, Myself and my God'? Isn't there a fardhu Kifayah that Allah encourages people to consider other people's welfare and to extend help and to sacrifice self-interest for the benefit of the Ummah? The Islamic religion that I learn and believe has implications of very disciplined practices, not based on self alone as I have seen being practiced even during Hajj.

The great mosque, the Al-Haram, is looked upon with much esteem, the symbol of Islam where you expect Islamic teaching is applied. Due to the great number of jemaahs, the mosque officials were not able to impose male-female segregation during prayers. In some part of the mosque it became like a pesta, males and females grouped together as if in a party. I felt most uncomfrotable having a male praying next to me in the same Saf, or behind me. I have to take great care so that my air sembahyang was intact. Many refused to let their husbands or wives pray separately, Malaysians included. Immediately after prayers some will lie down to go to sleep amidst people walking in and out. Young women (many Indonesians) simply lie down with both legs wide open - such disgusting sight. I was amazed and upset at this ugly behaviour and questioned where are their religious and moral values. It's high time the mosque officials use whip to whip unislamic behaviour in the mosque. To avoid seeing unsightly scene, I chose to pray at the old part of the mosque where there are clear barriers between men and wome but even then, some attempted to subortage the practice when mosque officials were not around. My fervent prayer is that the Saudi Government takes immediately actions to stop the misuse of Al-Haram and have better crowd control.

Beside this, attitude and personal beliefs reared ugly heads. I have not been told if you prayed in front of the Kaabah during prayer time, you get more pahala. God says 'Pray anywhere in my mosque (Al-Haram)' and doesn't promise less pahala if you don't. Because so many ( many Malaysians as well) are so self-absorbed, that they literally fight for the little space, praying directly facing the Kaabah. There were so much pushing, arguing and shouting - man and woman alike - that having total peace was almost impossible. I felt sorry for the mosque officials who tried their best to make people go to pray at other places but many totally refued to budge, blocking walking path and disregarded other people's comfort. I tried to pray there a couple of times and decided that I am no more nearer to God but further for I couldn't find focus in my prayer. I chose to pray somewhere else where there were more peace as I know no matter where I prayed, I would be facing the Kaabah, though not visually. I hope those Malaysians who will go for Hajj to remember that selfish attitude doesn't make you a better Muslim. Al- Haram is such a huge mosque that there a place for prayer for everyone if the jemaah is well-disciplined and practice the Islamic teaching. Many Malaysians bragged how they managed to pray facing the Kaabah and that's the only place they would want to pray, including my own friend! It was such a misplaced belief!!



Photo after Tawaf Sunat at the third level overlooking the Kaabah.











To me the Tawaf is such a calm, beautiful and powerful way to communicate with God beside direct prayers, if the jemaahs walk with patience and even pace. But unruly, indisciplined jemaahs would pushed, jostled and cut your walking path in their hurry to complete the process. The thoughtless behaviour spoilt the beauty of the Tawaf. I hated being pushed, jostled and hanged on by selfish individuals that disturb my concentration. Again focusing became a problem. I really needed peace and calmness when I say my doa in total absorption to God. It was impossible to do so. So most times, my Tawafs were done on the third level overlooking the Kaabah where there were less people, for to complete the 7 rounds would take about 1 hour 20 minutes with calm walking compared with 40-45 minutes near the Kaabah. But I loved it as I could feel serenity crept in when I read my doa with no disturbance - it's me and Allah and I knew He heard me. So, you have a choice, depending on the state of your mind but I do wonder how much focus can you give when people constatntly pushed and jostled you around. You must be a robot if you deny being bothered somehow!!

What I am sharing here is real experience and observation though it may sound negative but these are reality that need to be accepted and addressed. I know a lot of peple will say that everything is Ok and perfect, implyimg those like me who saw the imperfections are not blessed by Allah - banyak dosa!! What hypcrites and they live in denials!! As long as we live in denials, there will never be awareness and attempts to make things better. Attitude will remain stagnant and there is no improvement. Living in denials means living in fear, especially in facing the truth. Video cameras and photos as prove are not suffice enough to convince them that there are imperfections among jeamaahs even in Masjidil Haram! I prayed to Allah to give me rezeki and health and to let me come back again to Mecca at least for Umrah in 4 years time when Mecca is having new look.

In my next blog I'll talk about my experience in Arafat , Mina and beautiful Medina.