2012

In less than 3 hours, the clock will strike 12 to bade goodbye to 2011 and to welcome 2012. Another year has passed and time goes so fast. In reflecting back I wondered what have I done meaningfully in my life. Much of it was focused on myself, making myself happy, safe and free from any mental pressure except this last few days when I was upset because of cleanliness issue in the resort I live in. But thankfully, issues were resolved and I am at peace again.

Looking at my spending account for 2011, I definitely over spent much more than what I earned. That means I am digging in my saving. A few caring friends are worried to see me spending money on traveling but rest assured, the money for traveling is accounted for in a different saving. On top of that I saved whatever I earned through lectures, talks and clinical sessions into my traveling account (n0t much but good enough). So I am OK there and it's well taken care of.

My involvement with Istiqamah project of the mosque, though erratic, I was able to contribute quite significantly. Syukur alhamdullillah.

Most important I was able to keep my eye pressure stable though glaucoma is still there. I guess the new eye drop given to me and with help of self-hypnosis, I was able to keep my eye pressure down so far, even though slight damage does occur. This can't be helped. I am also more accepting of my glaucoma and didn't get depressed unnecessarily.

For 2012, I don't trust myself to make resolutions or promises. I told myself to plan ahead of my travel and not to do adhoc ones but I am not too sure I can keep this. I may take off somewhere whenever I have the chance even though it's not in my plan. Going to Umrah at the end of February with Maz and get grounded for a while when my daughter-in-law delivered her baby in March, are already on the plate. After this I don't know. Some time in the early part of the year I have to do my cataract surgery for the right eye but I haven't fixed the date yet. It's still very tentative.

Whatever it is, I hope Allah will give me time to see through 2012 and I want to do again my clinical hypnotherapy and counselling sessions this year. So if anybody needs help in dealing with their issues through hypnotherapy (professional fees will be charged) please contact me.

Happy New Year everybody!!!

Apology

Today I received an email forwarded by the Deputy Chairperson of Management Council of the resort from this particular supervisor who sent stinking name-calling email to me. He apologized for his hasty reaction and behaviour and shared some of his problems with some owners and renting agents. Above all, he didn't know who I really was and I guess he thought I was one of the fault-finding owners. There are some truths to what he was saying as I have seen some thoughtless and arrogant behaviour of owners and renting agents who make demands but refuse to cooperate.

I am glad he admitted his mistake and I leave the decision to the Council to deliberate. I was advised by friends to leave this unrewarding and unpaid job and just enjoy my retirement. I am sure, had my children known this, they would also say the same thing for fear of my safety.

To me, the resort is my place of stay and I should contribute to make things better. The other council members do not stay there, so they might have little knowledge of the goings on.

I'll continue my contribution and hope things will get better. I plead with Malaysians in general to have hearts and become less selfish and arrogant.

Name-calling

I have been called and labeled with many names - negatives and positives. I didn't bother much about what people said about me negatively. It's waste of time to bother but when name-calling is tinged with subtle threat, it's a problem.
As a member of the Management Council of the resort that I live in, I was given a task in charge of cleanliness since I spend most of my time there. And I take my responsibility seriously. The resort is always in a mess due to selfish attitude of people who go there. The management has always faced with problem of cleaning service. We terminated the last company's service for being complacent. The new company belongs to an Indian couple based in PJ and they appointed an Indian supervisor to take care of the work. Two months passed by, the service has not improved. I complained by phone and email to the owner as the supervisor is supposed to see things done.
The most irritating thing is, the cleaners and the supervisor didn't even know that somebody shit and urinated on the staircase in different blocks until I went for my walking exercise and informed them so. There were always the same excuses why the car park was not swept - many cars parked there. Old wooden door was thrown at the beach - a short cut work whereas many times I have informed the company that nothing should be thrown at the beach. It was an ongoing battle. Why was it so difficult for some Malaysians to understand simple awareness on cleanliness? So my complaints went on and on and I wouldn't stop until the issues were addressed.
When I returned from Pekanbaru, the Deputy chairperson forwarded me an email from the supervisor, cursing and calling me names to say that I accused him of not doing his work and gave strings of excuses. Of course, I was upset for a while but I thought it was a childish email coming from a wounded child. I decided to disregard it but planned to bring it up in the next management meeting. The Deputy Chairperson responded to his email explaining to him that as a member of the Council, I have the right to pursue issues pertaining to my portfolio and that as a member I have the say in hiring and firing people. If he is not able to handle complaints gracefully he should leave. I guess that fueled his anger, aiming at me in particular.
The owner of the company sent me SMS when I was still in Pekanbaru apologising for his staff's behaviour and that the individual is resigning at the end of December. From then on, I received regular reports through SMS of the company's effort to keep the resort clean. In an way, I am happy my complaints are taken seriously and hope this sense of responsibility will continue. I have no attention to make people lose their jobs but if jobs are not done seriously and responsibly, they deserve to be sacked.
In the management meeting I was never in favour to employ people with aggressive and talk big behaviour especially among Indians. They can turn to be gangsters and difficult to get rid of when work is not satisfactorily done. I hope the committee learns a lesson from this and be more aware the next time in awarding contract. As far as I am concerned, I paid service fee faithfully and good service should be provided. Lets see what happens after this and I'll keep everyone posted.

Pekanbaru

Taken with the bellboy of Pangeran Hotel in Pekanbaru. He is wearing the same baju Melayu as we do here in Malaysia. Also with Sadiah, my room-mate for this visit. 251211






I am ashamed to admit that my knowledge of Indonesia is limited though I have visited a number of places there. So, I learned that Pekanbaru is in mainland Sumatra in the Kepulauan Riau region. Yes, that's why I thought it was an island - Pulau Riau. Well, ignorance can be corrected. I did it by visiting the place.
Pekanbaru is like Malaysia. Majority is Malay Riau and can speak Malay like we Malays in Malaysia but with Indonesian accent. There are not many tourist attractions except the old traditional design buildings especially the bumbung or the roofs.





The Gedung Perwakilan Rakyat (like the parliament) is so colourful and attractive with batik and songket motif designs. Unfortunately we weren't able to go in because it was on Christmas day.










The open book modern design of the National Library also drew my attention and it was quite impressive. Built on the same ground as the Kantor Gabenor Riau, the complex is attractive with a Turkish-Iranian design mosque for the staff.











The Complex Raja Ali Haji is beautiful with different design tradional houses from different daerah, just like our mini Malaysia. But unfortunately, the complex is so rundown and unkempt with long grass, pools of stagnant water and debris. I guess, it takes a lot of money to maintain this place. The unique building of the cultural centre where cultural shows are held is really stunning. It catches the eyes from far but since it was Christmas holiday we just enjoyed the external of the building. I hope the Pekanbaru government will be able to restore the glory of this place again some day.



The An-Nur Mosque is impressive, the biggest mosque in Pekanbaru where we did our solat jama' Zuhur and 'Asar.












Different kinds of nuts sold in big bags at Pasar Bawah Pasar Wisata, Pekanbaru. 251211



The main attraction here is shopping. Things are comparatively much cheaper than in Malaysia especially clothes, handbags, shoes, batik etc. We were brought to Pasar Bawah Pasar Wisata where there are bazaar and markets. The place was so sardine-packed with people and hot but fun to shop. I bought a few pieces of Riau silk materials at low prices that my other traveling companions couldn't resist but bought in dozen as presents. The Ramayana shopping complex also was bursting with people since it was happy holidays too there. One glaring difference that I notice was that, there was no warnings of pickpockets or bag-snatching in spite of people jostling closed to one another. Everyone seemed to be relaxed and normal whereas we were clutching our handbags for dear life. I really like this relaxed and safe feeling. Anyway there is nothing wrong to be weary.





Happy Wedding wishes along the main road in Pekanbaru, Indonesia for a happy couple. 251211























Since shopping is not my favourite activity when visiting other countries, I opted to stay in the hotel the next day when it was a free and easy day. I wanted to go to Bukit Tinggi for a day tour but was advised against it because it was a wet day and the journey was long due to poor road.
The last day (27 Dec 2011) before going to the airport, Pak Irwan, the local guide brought the 8 of us to Nasi Padang lunch at a restaurant. It was really a delicious nasi padang with petai and jering thrown in.

We ended our journey as new-old friends and I am sure I'll visit Sadiah, my room-mate, in Sitiawan one day.

Examination

I just finished examining practical examination for Hypnotherapy Certificate and Diploma courses today. It was quite tiring but good for me. At least I keep up with the knowledge of hypnosis. I still remember when I was doing the course, I was as nervous as many of them. Some are professionals, senior in age and experience but became nervous wrecks during practical exam. Some were highly qualified in their fields and tried to hide their nervousness thorough being over confident but finally messed up their practical exam. I have seen so many human behaviour facing stressful situation like an examination. Many admitted they were nervous wrecks when they came in to face me. I understood how they felt and tried to make them feel comfortable.
One behaviour which I couldn't accept is arrogance especially when they feel they are qualified professionals. No matter how highly successful they are in their field, hypnosis is a new area which they have to learn. In a way I feel sorry for them. Being well-known doctors, psychiatrists, professors, managers, Dato's, Tan Sris etc do not mean they can be good hypnotherapists if they don't practice and pass exams.
I hate failing people because taking this course is already a proof of high motivation and interest. But if performance in practical exam doesn't match the standard set and the expectation, I don't hesitate to fail them. For Certificate level candidates I was quite lenient and gave them a chance to redo the practical if I wasn't happy with the performance. At this level they learn hypnosis for themselves and NOT to others for therapy. But at Diploma level when they are trained to treat patients, I draw the line. Sub-standard performance means failure. Hypnotherapy by unqualified people spells disaster. Playing with people's subconscious mind is not a game. Wrongly treated, the patient can go bonkers.
Unfortunately in Malaysia, anyone who attends a short course on hypnosis can call and function as hypnotherapy. There is no controlling body to supervise the training and practice of hypnotherapy. Ethical practice and ethical conduct guidelines are not available. So it seems, it's free for all. This frightens me. Falling in the hands of unethical hypnotherapists will tarnish the good name of the profession and patients become victims. I hope those who seek hypnosis for treatment will examine the therapist's credentials first before agreeing to hypnosis session.

Maid

Talked to my old traveling friend yesterday. She is housebound now - taking care of her 2 kindergarten grandsons. Spent quite a long time on the phone talking about her woes having foreign housemaids her son employed. I remember traveling with her in Philippines some time back with 2 other senior ladies. We spent most time interviewing maids whom she wanted to bring back for her son and daughter-in-law. Both of them are working professionals. Finally she decided to have one lady who told her that she is poor and has to support 3 children as her husband is an odd-job worker. Evaluating her as very nice, responsible and sincere to work to help her family, my friend bought her air ticket, clothes and made her passport. She was a wonderful maid for about 2 weeks, later she turned to be nasty, refusing to do certain work, locking her room door and became argumentative. My poor friend, she was furious. Talking to her nicely had no effect. Obviously she came to Malaysia just for a holiday, not work. Frustrated, she sent the maid packing and began the search for a replacement.

Since then, she was shuttling from her house to her son's to drive the grandsons to school and back and feed them. Many different maids came and go, some lasted a day. Most complained the house is too big and need a lot of work. They dictated what they wanted to do and what they didn't want to do. The recent Indonesian maid is a classic example of rudeness and irresponsibility. She refused to cook for the children, no cooking, no sweeping the garden etc. Her work is only to look after the house and do some cleaning. So again, my friend has to drive 20 minutes to the house to feed her grand children, ferry them to school and back to her house for the same routine - picking the grand children back from school cook and feed them, wait for the son or daughter-in-law to come back, then only she can return to her house. She will not have her grand sons hungry and neglected. What a job!! Like me, She is not really keen to stay with her son, preferring her independence living alone.

I remember how much headache I had before with maids when my children were young, local ones at that time. My friend's daughter-in-law and son are lucky that she is available and still fit to drive around for her grand sons' sake. But she has to trade that with her freedom. Now she is hardly able to go anywhere and I don't think she is happy.

Listening to her, I am glad somehow that Ika, my daughter, quit her job to look after her daughter, Rania. Though I still feel that she should have a career so that she can be financially independent, the sacrifce is quite worth it. I wouldn't want my Rania to go through the different maids looking after her. It's impossible for me to travel from PD to PJ and staying almost permanently with her is not a good option. I hope Rania will realize some day how lucky she is. And I also hope Ika could have a career again soon, even working from home.

In spite of changing maids so often when they were young, thank God, my children turned out normal because we were lucky that some of my former maids were good and responsible. Of course, there were one or two who were like devils but I sacked them immediately. Furthermore I was teaching at that time and by afternoon I was home.

This is eastern grandmothering, I guess.

Back to Hypnosis

It has been quite a while since I practice hypnosis and counselling. I referred patients/clients to friends. Ethics dictate that I cannot conduct sessions because of my traveling and not able to keep appointments and do follow-up. I miss this professional side of me and now in 2012, I plan to take patients/clients and adjust my traveling schedules - no more ad hoc travel. Traveling is still my passion as I want to see as many places as possible in this world and in my country.

LCCH is conducting a tailor-made course in hypnosis for the Drug prevention agencies. I am happy that I am going to discuss ethical practice in hypnosis and teach self-hypnosis. I hope the small number of participants will be interested and pursue hypnosis further for addiction. Good luck to them.

I have another activity lines up for 2012. I am volunteering to do small group hypnosis with orphans. With Ama's help, I hope we could collect some data to see the response to hypnosis in confidence-building and thus reduce indiscipline. I am quite excited about this project.

With the istiqamah activity at the mosque and these, I think my hand is quite full for next year. But Bosnia, I am coming to see you in May 2012, Insyaallah.

A case of healthy aging

I took a long promised trip to visit my very close friend since university days, Sofiah and her husband, Omar. Though we have lost touch with each other for so many years ( I was in Kuching) our friendship never wavered. Both of them are retired and left their city home to go back and live in their kampung in Jitra, kedah.




To keep themselves occupied, they rear turkeys and ayam kampung for sale. It's quite a big change from their usual occupations, a school principal and a Company Director. But they were happy and have no intention to come back and live in PJ. Their big house is empty as children got their own houses and they are contemplating of selling it.






Elegant profile of Australian turkey (Nicholas), big, white and colourful head (males). 221111


















A male ( bigger and more colourful) and a female local turkey - black fetheared at Sofiah's and Omar's farm in Jitra.










Male local turkey.
















When I looked at them I am pleased that they choose to stay in a quiet, serene place with open green padi field and a river flowing through it. Though far from modern facilities, Jitra town is just a stone throw away. But they are griping over the lack of government attention who promised to upgrade the lives of simple kampung folks. It's still lacking. There's no telephone line and therefore internet is not within reach. How can poor kampung children become computer savvy and be able keep up with the rapid movement of modern technology. Many Malay youths become dropouts and are left behind in term of education and opportunities.
My friends have very good intention of helping the poor forgotten Malay kampung children. Their life in retirement is focused on helping the unfortunates. They plan to build a simple hall adjoining their kampung house to attract children to come for tuition free of charge. They hope they can play a part in uplifting the spirit of the kampung folks to achieve higher. Not a rich couple, they are willing to work hard to make their dream a reality.





Taken at Sofiah's kampung with green padi field as the background. 241111.










Since the day was sunny, Sofiah took me to Kubang Pasu nearby to visit the Puteri Lindungan Bulan's grave. This is a historical site about Kedah history being conquered by Acheh whose king wanted to marry the white-blooded Kedah princess. The Sultan opposed the idea and hid his daughter in a well with her ladies-in-waiting with enough food. But when Acheh attacked Kedah the Princess was left there with no food and eventually died. The legend tells that during full moon the the well was shaded, thus kept the princess safe from the enemies.



I guess it's a big change from a life in a corporate world to a life of simple kampung folk. But they are happy and fully occupied.
Hence, the turkey and ayam kampung farming to supplement their income. Beside that, Sofiah collects and sells used clothes and gets herself involved in direct selling. The money earn goes to the bulding and maintenance of the madrasah. If anybody is interested to help and contribute for amal jariah, please contact me - HP 019 857 5188.






A former school principal and a senior education officer turned farmer in retirement. Sofiah with her ayam kampung and itik nila.










Feeding time. Their ayam kampung roam free in their farm and never short of food.













Green rice field is soothing to the eyes. At Kubang Pasu, Kedah. 231111.









A scenery that needs to be appreciated - blue mountains, kampung houses snuggled among trees and green padi field. Taken on the way to Kulim. Beautiful, stunning, gorgeous!











Tasik Mengkuang in Kulim, Kedah in the evening. 251111.








The rain poured in Jitra on 22 and 23 November. I was worried in case it floods. The river water near their house is high almost touching the bank.










I don't want to be stranded because of flood and decided to cut short my visit and go to Kulim to meet Fuziah, my traveling friend. Her sister, Tan, came to join us and we went to Tasik Megkuang for a simple evening picnic to enjoy the view.






Sisters Fuziah and Tan at Tasik Mengkuang. 251111.







It was a well-worth visit though heavy rain spoiled my plan. But I got to see the inner sight of my beautiful country and hope no citizen of this country would destroy it by selfish means. There are many more places in Malaysia that I would like to visit, and experience the varied way of life and learn through it. Syukur alhamdulillah, I am given time to enjoy my beloved country.

Istiqamah

When I returned from Kuching to get involved in Kampung Tunku, Petaling Jaya mosque which is a door away from my house, I was roped in to be the Secretary of Program Bersedekah Secara Istiqamah of the women's section of the mosque. From experience, I worked very well with Datin Hasmah, the chairperson of the program. I have worked with her in the mosque's project of helping children at risk in Kuang. It has been a rewarding project with a number of kampung children completed secondary schools instead of being drop-outs. Unfortunately in 2001 I left for Unimas in Kuching and the project stopped with no follow-up. It was quite a costly project. At the moment with limited funds and limited committed volunteers, the project was buried.
However, a few women were still interested to help the unfortunate, thus the program Bersedekah Secara Istiqamah was introduced in 2006.
Frankly, I didn't have the faintest idea why the program is so named and what istiqamah is all about. But happily I joined in to contribute whatever I can. Slowly I began to understand the purpose which is very much into my heart. I Googled Istiqamah for the exact meaning. In short, it means steadfastness, that is, going straight to the right direction, acting rightly allowing no deviation. That sounds good and apt to what the program is doing.
Saydina Abu Bakr says istiqamah is 'that you do not associate partners with Allah.' Whereas Uthman ibn Affan explained, 'To have ikhlas to Allah only in doing actions.' and ibn Abbas said, 'It means to fulfill your duties to Allah.' What matters most are the sincerity and commitment to helping others with no ulterior motives.
Istiqamah also indicates how to remain steadfast, such as,
1. Keep in the company of good people.
2. Keep connected to Al Quran through recital, studying and implementation.
3. Reflect and question yourself daily, for example, are you heading on the right way, is your intention sincere?
4. Learn to take good advice from others.

I hope I will be able to do the best I can in helping the unfortunate with clear conscience and sincerity in my heart. Syukur alhamdullillah, up to now I have not wavered as I believed I could contribute so little to make a better world.
The Istiqamah program collects contribution in term of money as well as materials. On 29 May 2011 we had our jumble sale, selling used clothes and other things. We collected over RM1,000. Besides that we also accept monthly or yearly monetary contributions from kind individuals. From these collections, we distribute it to identified orphanages, old folk homes and poor individuals as well helping paying tuition fees for children who are in need. We also welcome individuals who would like to pay their zakat to deserving people in our list of contacts.

Program Istiqamah has a Used Clothes Shop situated at the lower ground level of the mosque. We received a lot of good branded clothes and anybody is welcome to donate. Unfortunately, the non-muslims steer clear of coming maybe due to fear of it's location in the mosque. We welcome anybody to the shop as it not in the mosque proper but at lower level where the sundry shop and other activities are carried out. At the moment opening of the shop is quite erratic because we don't have volunteers to man it but we aim to open it regularly at least every Friday. We need volunteers who can come regularly to open the shop at least for a few hours each day.

We still have a lot to do so that we can make the shop attractive and sale increases with committed volunteers to man it.



To readers of this blog, I think this is a good way for your istiqamah.

Healthy philosophy of aging

I received a number of articles and email forwards about graceful aging. Interestingly enough, many of those pointers are ones that I am practicing and believe in. I am grateful that many friends remember to remind me to be positive about aging and I hope many others will follow suit if not already done so. To the young ones, you can manage your looks and health but not the number. Even though age is only a number, you can't deny it's there and it's a good indicator of where you are in this life. So, there is no need to hide from the actual number or fool people by giving false lesser numbers. Being afraid or ashamed to admit your real age reflects the state of your mind. There is nothing to be ashamed of being 25, 30, 40, 58 or 70 or more. The higher the number the more experience you have about life and the more life stories you can tell.


On the brink of 70, I am feeling good about myself and thankful that Allah has given me such good life. I hope He will continue letting me grace this world until such time He wants me to go - gracefully. I am not rich, I don't have perfect children, I don't have many friends and I don't have people who will die for me but I am happy with what I have right now. Whether I am right or wrong, I am at peace with myself. Don't get me wrong. There are times I feel low, there are times I feel frustrated and there are times I feel unfulfilled but those times are far and few and when I feel their presence, I overcome it instantly.


As I discussed with Jin, my traveling friend, I don't want to be a grumpy old lady. I almost got into that habit when I find faults with everything and with people around me, especially with my children whom I love dearly. I want to be a fun grandma with Rania and my coming grandson. I am in the process of learning - of not being critical. My poor Ika. When I am in my not so good mood, she always gets the heat. Forgive me my love, I promise to quit and hope you'll tell me when I am unbearable.


I receive many compliments that I don't look my age and many ask for tips. I don't have any magic mantra but I have a few life pointers that I keep. I am sharing some here - for better or for worse.


1. I keep away from people who give negative aura. I'd rather terminate my friendship or relationship than continue interacting with them which pulls my self-worth down. To me negative people are toxic to my mind and it affects me mentally, emotionall and psychologically. So I keep away from them.


2. I keep away from people who judge me on spiritual level. Ordinarily I don't wear hijab but if people judge me of being less Muslim and preach or sindir me for not covering my head, then it's their problem. It's between me and Allah and who are they to think that they are better Muslims. Being with these people doesn't make me feel good, so I keep away and interact with people who accept me as I am.


3. To forgive and forget is a false concept - easy to say but hard to do. Is it easy just to forgive and forget people who have done harm to you? Hei, we have hearts and mind and the brain registers all experiences. I don't forgive and forget easily but I am able to put aside negative experience away at the back of my mind and move forward. I don't allow past experience to interfere in what I want to do. I am a strong believer in Gestalt - What is past is past, the future we don't know but the present is important. So taking care of the present for better future is important to me. Focusing on unpleasant past experiences will only paralyse you from moving forward.


4. I am not a raving beauty but taking care of my complexion is important. I'd rather spend money on good skin care products than buying expensive branded clothes. I can't fight wrinkles but I can minimise it.


5. I don't allow myself to linger on 'what ifs' but more on what else do I want to do. I occupy my time with activities that I enjoy and cultivate new hobbies. I spend much time traveling outside and inside the country, I enjoy gardening and I have new hobby - keeping Rania's selected monthly photos so that she can see her growth. I love to visit foreign countries but seeing and getting to know my own country is more rewarding.


6. What is successful aging if I don't have good health. I go for regular medical checkup, eat healthy food though sometimes I do binge on ice-cream, snacks and choclates. I do exercise on moods, that's why I am gaining weigh. I fully realize that I need to get back to my exercise routine. Now I fully accept my glaucoma and taking good care of it so that my eye pressure doesn't go up. I hope my sight will stay with me till the end of my days.


7. I get upset when I read violence and racial conflicts in newspapers. So I avoid reading newspapers though I lose in terms of recent events. I dislike reading email forwards about Malay bashing from insensitive non-Malay friends. So I just delete them. It's not worth letting it affect my peace of mind. Those are stupid people and not real friends.


8. Being financially independent keeps me secured and free from worry. So managing your money according to your means is crucial for successful aging. Scrimping and begging for financial help from children, husbands or relatives will make you feel worthless. Earn your living, enjoy the fruit of your labour but save for your future. It will make you healthier and happier.

9. I enjoy little fun episodes in my life and can laugh or giggle to myself. I dislike watching films or TV movies on any kind of violence to people or animals beacuse it upsets and saddens me. So I watch comedies, family stories and read light life stories. I avoid congested place as it gives me headache and I hate driving in KL struggling with a lot of impatient and rude drivers. In other words, I try to avoid any stressful situations so that I don't suffer from anxiety.

10. I don't crave for material possessions. The more harta you have the more headaches you suffer. I minimize my belongings. I am happy having a roof over my head which belongs to me and a small car which can carry me wherever and whenever I want to go anywhere. Life is more stress free for me.

11. I give a lot of hugs and love to significant people in my life especially my children and grandchild, and I talk to my plants. They make me happy. I still miss Mok but have accepted that he's not coming back.

These are a few things that I do to make my life wortrh living. One failure doesn't make life failure. As Rania says, ' Oso says try again' and she is only 19 months old.

God creates life and what is life without challenges.

Aidil Adha 1432 - 6 Nov 2011

Izrin lovingly feeds Rania with yoghurt which she loves.



Another year passed and syukur alhamdullillah, I am still here enjoying, observing and participating on the goings on in my little world. Aidil Adha reminded me of my Arafat experience during my second Hajj in 2009. I hope things are better there and has improved to make the process of Hajj more spiritually satisfying and fulfilling. I read Aminah Wadud's Hajj blog on her experience of Hajj as a single woman. It was vivid and eye-opening. I love the way she writes, very skillful in explaining her inner feelings and thoughts. She taught in UIA for awhile and I was lucky to have the opportunity to interact with her while she was in Malaysia. I really recommend both males and females to read her account with open minds.


As usual, celebration of Hajj was done in a very small and personal way with my children. Maz, Izrin and Haidi came to the house to celebrate together with Ika, Justin, Rania and me. No cooking for me this year. Ika and Maz worked together and decided to cook rendang daging and roasted chicken. After Raya prayer at Kg. Tunku mosque next door, we sat down together to enjoy our food. Having Rania really made things more cheerful as she became the center of everyone's focus.




Things quietened down in the afternoon when this little angel went in for her afternoon nap and promptly fell asleep. She had great fun playing with her Pak Su, Mak Su and Mak Yang.
















Piggy ride on Mak Yang's back.











Laughing gleefully, Rania stomped on Mak Yang's back.







Kg. Tunku mosque solemnized the korban ceremony on 7 November 2011 (Monday) sacrificing 18 cows. People came in big numbers to help but of course, some came with different intention. The women worked hard to cook and to cut the meat and put in 1 kg portion in plastic bags for distribution to needy people.
I stationed myself in one of the groups. We worked non-stop except for lunch, until all meat was neatly packed for distribution to people who helped. Unfortunately, as usual, those who just came without lifting a finger also made a claim. As a result those who really worked received only bones for soup. But they were happy for contributing their time and energy to make this korban process a success.







The women sat in small group to cut and weigh the meat for distribution.












The small group responsible to pack the cow bones for distribution. They were also baffled for not receiving any ribs to be distributed.













The men volunteers cutting cows leg for the women to pact in 1 kg plastic bags. This is a sight I wasn't keen to linger on.












Cutting the meat out with concentration by a man volunteer.
















A group of Bangladeshis came to help cut cow bones by machine. Some others maybe made use of this opportunity to make money by manipulating those who were sincere to help.








I left for home at 2.30 pm for zohor prayer and a much needed rest.
I must admit that slaughtering live cows is not my cup of tea but this is korban. I have to grit my teeth and volunteer in the name of Allah and hope He forgives me for shedding tears of pity and sadness in my heart. I have not been actively taking meat or chicken for quite a while, preferring fish, seafood and vegetables most time.
I didn't really know what was going on during the korban. I know that 18 cows slaughtered yielded a lot of meat but yet it was not enough. My neighbour complained, for the last 10 years, nobody knew where the ribs went as none of the workers got their share. She said, a few people saw the Bangladeshi volunteers carted off the ribs immediately after the slaughter and put them in their van. Nobody dared say anything. As usual they grumbled and gossiped after the event. I did ask why there weren't people supervising and monitoring the sedekah so that everyone had his/her share. Nobody could answer that. I wonder why this selfish attitude wasn't mention in the mosque meetings. Maybe I'll bring it up in the women's istiqamah next meeting.
Syukur alhamdullillah, everything went on fine. I salute those men and women who stayed till evening to clear the mess. May Allah bless them. I have to come home early as I expected visitors in the evening.

11111

Isn't it a beautiful series of numbers, number ones! Yes, I am number one today. I'm sure I share these special number Ones with so many other people today. So to all who share these number Ones, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's a quiet day for me, in spite of phone conversation with friends who wished me happy birthday and answering several SMS, my issues about leaking pipe and neighbour's noisy pipe system are still not resolved. Different contractors gave me different views. I am so apprehensive that I have to hack my toilet wall tiles which I have just renovated, to find the leak. I have spent quite a sum of money renovating it. The old contractor who did the toilet refused to own up that it might be his workers' fault. I get so frustrated, not knowing what to do.
My happy moment was when Rania wished me 'epi bithday nenek' early in the morning and blew kisses through the phone. That made my day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ZURAIDAH. MAY YOU HAVE MANY MORE BIRTHDAYS TO CELEBRATE IN GOOD HEALTH.

Bipolar

I am not trained in bipolar disorder. It's the work of psychiatrists but I do understand what bipolar is and have seen it's effect on people. I remember this particular friend of mine's email, complaining about her state of mind. She was feeling depressed and lonely and couldn't understand why she's feeling that way. Suspecting that she was going through menopause, I suggested going to see a doctor. Living overseas alone, I guess, makes it difficult for her to deal with it by herself. I didn't receive any news after that and thought everything is OK. I was wrong.
When she came back to Malaysia to visit her family, she stopped at my house in PJ and told me that she has been diagnosed suffering from bipolar disorder and currently under treatment. In many ways she's lucky working and living in UK where she has access to medical treatment under the National Health System.
Bipolar disorder was formerly known as manic depression and many associate it only as depression. But there is another side of depression, that's the mania behaviour which is not really recognize and being taken seriously. Hipomania is a less severe than mania. Bipolar goes through serious mood swings - from feeling on top of the world (mania) to going right to the bottom of depression. Everybody, some time or other, goes through 'on' and 'off' days but we go back to normal behaviour soon enough. Bipolar individuals suffer these extreme mood swings for days and eventually they form a pattern. Fortunately Bipolar disorder is treatable.
Sometimes bipolar depression can create problem at work and at home. Depression makes the person isolate him/herself, tardy or not turn up at work, feeling lethargic or they stay in bed all day. Unfortunately, bosses, co-workers, friends and family members do not understand that this is a mental health issue and may accuse the individual as lazy. In extreme case, bipolar depression may cause negative thought and action, such as having suicidal thought and attempting to hurt self. A bipolar disorder also can be in mania state ie extreme high mood behaviour and may create negative outcome which are regrettable such as impulsive spending and getting into excessive debt, involved in unprotected sex with multiple partners, taking risky actions, work with no sleep or having excessive happiness and laughter. Usually people pay more attention to depression because the feeling is unpleasant but mania behaviour is dismissed because of the good feeling associated with it even though it is excessive.
Usually bipolar disorder is shown by several symptoms such as disturbed sleep patterns, energy level - very low or very high, alcohol or drug use, sex drive - increased or depleted, self-esteem goes rock bottom and concentration is very poor. There are also triggers for bipolar if they suffer long stress or on mania state at work.
My friend is aware of her illness and she surrounds herself with friends for support. Being a sociable being, she makes friends easily and some are faithful to her, taking care of her when she is ill. Since her 2 daughters are away working, she relies on friends and medical team to get her through. I saw how her neighbour cares for her and helps her to find her ways back to health. When I was with her, I felt tired just looking at her non-stop activities and high energy. She was in her mania mood though not excessive. When we left her, she wrote that she was in depressed mood but later got herself out of it. I was quite concerned and kept in touch. Because of awareness, support group and availability of medical services, she is well taken care of. Malaysia needs this kind of service to help those suffering from mental health issues.

Little progress makes the world

Called Rania this morning. I see progress in her growth. She wouldn't talk when I called her on the phone before, exceptto stare at it in silence, wondering where Nenek's voice came from. My pleasure knows no bound today when she blew kisses through the phone. I wished I could hug her tight there and then. She's talking on the phone now, calling Nenek and babling her nursery rhyme favourites like 'Pok amai-amai' or 'Ba..ba..black sheep.' My little Jantung Pisang is making her mark in the world!
I have another pleasant surprise this morning. Haidi called. I am going to have a grandson in 5 months time. Congratulations Izrin and Haidi and thank you for making me so happy. I pray to Allah that both of you will have good stable marriage and a happy family throughout your life, Aminnn.
Last weekend, as usual the resort was packed with people and parking was a problem. Budin and wife Azizah came to pay me a visit but there was no parking space, so I came down to go out for dinner with them. It's so nice for him to make time to see me. Budin is conducting a course here in PD. I am very proud of him for being so successful in what he is doing. I wish I could be like him but he has his talent, creativity and a unique personality.
Being in the Management Committee of the resort, we met and discussed how to overcome parking problem and over-crowding. The problem occurred due to selfish attitude of owners and guests. For example, one apartment is rented out and is occupied by as many as 10-12 people who come in 3 or 4 cars, thus creating shortage of car parks. In spite of a By-laws limiting one apartment to maximum of 6 people, there is nobody to monitor and enforce the Laws. So, it's free for all!! Well in future soon, one car park will be for one apartment only. We are seeking police help to enforce this decision in case violence erupted by irresponsible people and hope owners will take heed. By then we will have good matured crowd, not like the present time where any Tom, Dick and Harry can stake a claim.
I am praying this plan will go through without a hitch.
There is also great progress in the management of the resort with 2 new owners joined force. They are very assertive and action-oriented people who made the manager move fast. I guess the few of us in the old committee were soft. My many emails of complaints and instructions were often ignored and I couldn't do anything. I was fed-up and wanted to give up. Now I am all geared up to make this place a better place to stay.
I hope soon PLA South will be a good reputable resort and defaulting owners pay up their service charges for us to upgrade the resort and gave it a new coat of paint.

Home Sweet Home

After 3 weeks away from home, I am looking forward to go back and see my 'Jantung Pisang' again. I miss Rania so much and every time I saw little girls her age, image of Rania came to mind. I never realize how powerful my little grand daughter is in my thought.

I spent 3 more days with Eng, Jenu and Jin at Grays, going to Lakeside mall, Grays esplanade and shopping in Grays town which is just a few minutes away. Going for walk at the esplanade was quite an effort as the day was cold and very windy. On top of that we had to be careful while walking on the walking track. It's littered with dogs' poohs. The people here are irresponsible for not picking and throwing away their pets' poohs. It's such a pity that such a serene place became so dirty. Yes, sounds just like in Malaysia where some people are so selfish.








At Eng's flat with Jenu, an 80 year old Pakistani doctor whom Eng is taking care of.














Eng prepared fish fillet for us when we came back from Stratford-Upon-Avon.













Rosehips at Eng's aprtment from which rosehip oil comes from.








Syam, Fa's husband, with Fa, son Mohamad and daughter Aishah came to Eng's flat to pick me up to Luton, their house. This is my last lapse of my UK trip. I am thankful that Fa decided to pick me up instead of me going by train or coach to Luton which would involve dragging my luggage around. Staying 2 days with Fa's family filled me with admiration - her strength and determination to complete her PhD,







and her husband's devotion and sacrifice in taking care of the children and family in spite of his own work. With 6 growing children to take care, that's quite a challenge and time consuming. On top of that, Fa is also taking care of her aging mother who is disabled and dependent on someone's help. Proud to see her and family doing well and happy with well-adjusted children.









Delicious Nasi Lemak cooked by Fa. Hmmmm.... love it after almost 3 weeks starving from rice.

















Fa's mother - learning to adjust to life in a foreign country with only family support.










Fa's youngest son, Abid is 8 months old and and a sheer delight. Chubby and contented, he gets all the attention from his siblings. I love to see him eating, ever ready to receive food or milk and enjoying it. Such an easy baby to look after, he cries only when he is hungry or uncomfortable, not like Rania who is so picky over her food. When I was there, I received SMS from Ika saying Nia was on strike, refusing to eat and she was losing weight. Nia was never a chubby baby but she was firm and sturdy.








Lovable Abid with sister, 3 year old, Aishah.











Because she is tall for her age, she looks skinny. Ika was worried sick. Alhamdullillah, now Nia is eating well. Her mother has to be creative to coax her to eat. She got to choose what nursery rhyme she wants to hear from UTube in Ika's Ipad. Her little finger will touch the song she wants. At 1 1/2 years old, Nia is talking quite clearly and her vocabulary is amazing for her age.














Every morning, she sauntered into my room and says 'Hei Nenek'. 'Nenek sapuu...' following me to the garden as I sweep the fallen leaves in the garden. Conversation with Nia is quite a pleasure. Still calls her father 'Dada" but calls 'daddy' according to her mood.
















While in Luton with Fa's family, we went to Gravely Car Boot sale. Car Boot sale is popular in Uk and other foreign countries but not so in Malaysia. That day (Saturday) was so cold and windy that it spoiled the fun. Aishah and Mohamad had a good look at children books and toys for sale there. I was tempted to buy good children books for Rania but luggage weight limit stopped the temptation.





















Used children books ad toys were cheap and still in very good condition. Aishah was tempted to get something for herself.











All Fa's children speak English with British accent which can be a problem when they come back to Malaysian schools. I hope they don't lose the language and continue speaking it even though friends may tease them. I am so glad that I have this opportunity to know Fa and her family closer as I have the same opportunity with Jamayah in Perth in 2009. May Allah bless them and also those I know from Unimas who are doing their PhDs overseas.
I reached home on 11 Oct 2011 at 11.45 am, took a shower and played with Rania who was elated seeing me. She could explain that 'Nenek go Scotland'. Nia loves her Ba ..ba..black sheep which I bought in Windermere. At 4 pm, the cab came to pick me up to KLIA for my Firefly flight to Kota Kinabalu.
The next day, 12 Oct 2011, after a good night sleep, I delivered my keynote address at the PRS Convention in UMS. Immeditely after, I flew back to KLIA for a much needed rest.







Delivering keynote address at UMS on 12 Oct 2011. Thank you Carrie for the photo.