On the brink of 70, I am feeling good about myself and thankful that Allah has given me such good life. I hope He will continue letting me grace this world until such time He wants me to go - gracefully. I am not rich, I don't have perfect children, I don't have many friends and I don't have people who will die for me but I am happy with what I have right now. Whether I am right or wrong, I am at peace with myself. Don't get me wrong. There are times I feel low, there are times I feel frustrated and there are times I feel unfulfilled but those times are far and few and when I feel their presence, I overcome it instantly.
As I discussed with Jin, my traveling friend, I don't want to be a grumpy old lady. I almost got into that habit when I find faults with everything and with people around me, especially with my children whom I love dearly. I want to be a fun grandma with Rania and my coming grandson. I am in the process of learning - of not being critical. My poor Ika. When I am in my not so good mood, she always gets the heat. Forgive me my love, I promise to quit and hope you'll tell me when I am unbearable.
I receive many compliments that I don't look my age and many ask for tips. I don't have any magic mantra but I have a few life pointers that I keep. I am sharing some here - for better or for worse.
1. I keep away from people who give negative aura. I'd rather terminate my friendship or relationship than continue interacting with them which pulls my self-worth down. To me negative people are toxic to my mind and it affects me mentally, emotionall and psychologically. So I keep away from them.
2. I keep away from people who judge me on spiritual level. Ordinarily I don't wear hijab but if people judge me of being less Muslim and preach or sindir me for not covering my head, then it's their problem. It's between me and Allah and who are they to think that they are better Muslims. Being with these people doesn't make me feel good, so I keep away and interact with people who accept me as I am.
3. To forgive and forget is a false concept - easy to say but hard to do. Is it easy just to forgive and forget people who have done harm to you? Hei, we have hearts and mind and the brain registers all experiences. I don't forgive and forget easily but I am able to put aside negative experience away at the back of my mind and move forward. I don't allow past experience to interfere in what I want to do. I am a strong believer in Gestalt - What is past is past, the future we don't know but the present is important. So taking care of the present for better future is important to me. Focusing on unpleasant past experiences will only paralyse you from moving forward.
4. I am not a raving beauty but taking care of my complexion is important. I'd rather spend money on good skin care products than buying expensive branded clothes. I can't fight wrinkles but I can minimise it.
5. I don't allow myself to linger on 'what ifs' but more on what else do I want to do. I occupy my time with activities that I enjoy and cultivate new hobbies. I spend much time traveling outside and inside the country, I enjoy gardening and I have new hobby - keeping Rania's selected monthly photos so that she can see her growth. I love to visit foreign countries but seeing and getting to know my own country is more rewarding.
6. What is successful aging if I don't have good health. I go for regular medical checkup, eat healthy food though sometimes I do binge on ice-cream, snacks and choclates. I do exercise on moods, that's why I am gaining weigh. I fully realize that I need to get back to my exercise routine. Now I fully accept my glaucoma and taking good care of it so that my eye pressure doesn't go up. I hope my sight will stay with me till the end of my days.
7. I get upset when I read violence and racial conflicts in newspapers. So I avoid reading newspapers though I lose in terms of recent events. I dislike reading email forwards about Malay bashing from insensitive non-Malay friends. So I just delete them. It's not worth letting it affect my peace of mind. Those are stupid people and not real friends.
8. Being financially independent keeps me secured and free from worry. So managing your money according to your means is crucial for successful aging. Scrimping and begging for financial help from children, husbands or relatives will make you feel worthless. Earn your living, enjoy the fruit of your labour but save for your future. It will make you healthier and happier.
9. I enjoy little fun episodes in my life and can laugh or giggle to myself. I dislike watching films or TV movies on any kind of violence to people or animals beacuse it upsets and saddens me. So I watch comedies, family stories and read light life stories. I avoid congested place as it gives me headache and I hate driving in KL struggling with a lot of impatient and rude drivers. In other words, I try to avoid any stressful situations so that I don't suffer from anxiety.
10. I don't crave for material possessions. The more harta you have the more headaches you suffer. I minimize my belongings. I am happy having a roof over my head which belongs to me and a small car which can carry me wherever and whenever I want to go anywhere. Life is more stress free for me.
11. I give a lot of hugs and love to significant people in my life especially my children and grandchild, and I talk to my plants. They make me happy. I still miss Mok but have accepted that he's not coming back.
These are a few things that I do to make my life wortrh living. One failure doesn't make life failure. As Rania says, ' Oso says try again' and she is only 19 months old.
God creates life and what is life without challenges.
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