Meaning of friendship

Met again an old friend whom I have not been in contact for several years. We used to be quite close working and volunteering at an NGO in PJ. Out of the blue I received her call and I was surprised but pleased. Knowing her social contacts with high society, I thought I was out of her league and out of her mind. Being a very rich lady, she moved around with the rich and famous in Malaysia. So it was OK for me if we occasionally talk on the phone as I understand she has different interests like golfing, flying to different countries to attend golf tournaments or just for easy going holidays. But I really respect her. In spite of her wealth she is so down to earth, humble and not bothered with material possessions.

According to her, she just found out that I suffer from eye diseases and would like us to meet for old time's sake. I have no objection. Meeting her again was fun. We exchanged news to fill up the absence in our lives. In our conversation, I was quite surprised when she said that she felt alienated and alone most time. I don't understand why. As far as I know she is always busy with people or friends around her. A single parent, her only son just got married and moved away. I supposed that's why she felt so despondent. My assumption was wrong.

At the age of 60, she realizes that she has no close friends whom she can confide in and share her feelings and the ups and downs in her life. And she thought I was too busy to listen to her woes because of my teaching commitment in Unimas. Seemed like both of us nurtured wrong assumptions about each other.

She lamented that the many friends around her are not ones she can rely on. They profess lasting friendship but in actual fact she is forgotten soon after everyone is busy with their life. I just listened but finally I assured here that's part of senior development as time passed by, that she is not alone experiencing that kind of melancholy. I did too. But it depends on how strong you are relying on yourself and the belief that it's good to have people around you but you're not dependent on them. Being highly independent financially she has one advantage over many others.

I told her how some people at the NGO professed their admiration, love and desire to continue the friendship with me. The same with some university friends and ex-students but as time moves on, people's feelings changed. They are caught up with their lives, building new families and new friends, busy with their career and interests and you will find their expression of love and devotion become meaningless. They will contact you when they need something from you. That's part of life. Yes, it's easy for anybody to say, I love you, I miss you, I will remember you, I care for you etc. etc but most forget once they establish a new life or gain new status. It's difficult to find a friend who really cares for you and if you have one, nurture her or him. Unfortunately this friend of mind suspects that the friendship she receives is based on money. I suppose it's confusing when one is wealthy, to identify between true friends and hangers. Jokingly I told her she is also in the same boat as our friendship is so erratic. She forgot me when she has her rich friends around. Of course she denied it. But I assured her that it's Ok and that I am at fault too.

This wealthy Nyonya promised to keep in touch faithfully with me. She is not obligated to do so but we will see what happened.

Nenek first

Beauty Queen Rania holding her beauty peagent placard.

There is a debate between Ika, Justin and me. Ika told Justin Rania clearly called 'Nenek' when she woke up this afternoon. Justin says No, she doesn't, she just makes the sound. Oh yeah, it's 'Nenek' alright - very clear. You see, Rania listens to me. I reminded her some time back that she has to say 'Nenek' first, after that learn to say 'Mami' and 'Daddy'. My precious Jantung Pisang did exactly as I told her. Whether Justin believes it or not it's definitely 'Nenek' and she can point out with her little chubby finger to me when we ask 'Where is Nenek?'. Well, Justin and Ika, eat your hearts out!! Ha, ha, ha.

But Ika rebuttal me and said Rania's first word is 'Mok'. Oh well, I agree. Mok is everything to Rania. Every picture of cats or kittens is 'Mok' to her and she gets excited when Mok comes near her. Now Mok is having a holiday visiting Izrin for more than a week. Rania has been saying 'Mok' almost every minute of the day. Poor Rania. We know she misses Mok but Mok is happy getting all the attention and love from Izrin and Haidi. At home, Rania is the Queen and Mok is sometimes forgotten though we love him to bits.

It's a good day for me today. I just came back from my eye checkup at UH and my eye pressure has come down

to a safe level. Prof Mimi was happy too and told me to continue with the prescribed medications. I am quite relieved and felt safe even though she is leaving for her sabbatical for 6 months.

Since the surgery, I have not carried Rania, just put her on my lap. I miss carrying and cuddling her and I know she does too for every time she puts her arms up to be lifted, I have to explain to her that I couldn't do it for the time being. Maybe next week I can carry her again. So after Ika picked me up from UH, we went to Amcorp Mall for lunch. 11 months old Rania is now walking though not so strong yet. Outing means freedom for she doesn't like to be carried. She wants to walk on her own. Today, instead of her in the stroller, she was pushing it. Seeing her laughter with her one gigi kapak and her chatter take all my worry away. This little grand daughter of mine is a gem.

I remember when my children were young, my bedroom was not their playground. Toys were kept at its place, definitely not in my bedroom. Now, the cleaners commented, Rania has a club in my room and on my bed. My bed is her playground, for reading or dancing to the music or just playing with heaps of toys there. Sometimes I can't close my eyes, for she will come and pick it open babbling in her baby language.

So, thank you Rania for calling 'Nenek' first.

To all my students and friends who send their get well wishes, thank you for your kind thoughts. Syukur alhamdullillah, I am OK now.

One-eyed bandid

I am functioning with my right eye now. I can imagine how difficult life is if you lose your sight. Seeing with one eye is not pleasant, what more if this eye doesn't have perfect sight. Though I have been advised to rest a lot and to avoid over strained my left eye, it's difficult to keep away from TV, books and computer. It's so boring and I am at limbo not doing anything except lie down on bed. My brain becomes restless and my body becomes listless. So, computer is my friend and I am typing with one eye. Ika was appalled when she saw me doing this and sighed and said, 'Mom, you'll strain your other eye. Please keep off the computer.' I know she is right, so I am doing this when she is not around.

Prof Mimi did surgery to remove the cataract on my left eye on 15 March 2011 at UMSC clinic. I was glad my cough stopped. True enough, I suffer from reflux. Prof Goh prescribed me reflux tablets and a host of other tablets but not antibiotic and cough mixture. The 4 GPs that I saw before this, pumped me with antibiotics and cough mixture and they didn't work. I told them I suffer from reflux. Cough drops and antibiotics won't help. One GP charged me over RM200 and gave me a bundle of antibiotics. I didn't take them.

It's an expensive surgery. I couldn't claim back my full RM800 I paid PBUM for my lens. UMSC returned me RM 200 only and I am not happy. This is how, I guess, private practice makes money. The next day, I went to see Prof Mimi again for check up. She has tried for me to get back my money but failed. My eye pressure on the left eye where the cataract was removed, shot up alarmingly. I have never reached a pressure that high and it's on dangerous level. I have been told about the risk of cataract surgery since I have glaucoma. Prof. Mimi was alarmed too and told me to come for check up again and hope the pressure gets down by then. She pondered that simultaneous surgery on glaucoma and cataract could be a good idea. I don't know. I am not an eye specialist. I just hope my sight will be restored soon.

When I returned home from surgery, Rania tried to grab my eye patch. I guess she felt strange seeing her grandma with a weird look on her face. So I put the patch on only at night to avoid scratching while I was a sleep.

I hope I'll be OK soon and be myself again. Insyaallah.

Tsunami

I was in Kuala Terengganu when I received sms about tsunami hitting Japan. The last devastating tsunami took me by surprise, not even knowing what tsunami is. My friends and I were in Kinabatangan, Sabah, at that time and I did think how it would be like if river Kinabatangan flooded. The river level was frighteningly high and the resort we stayed in was just at the edge of the river. News broke when we arrived at KK airport and it didn't sink in yet how much damage the tsunami has done. We learned the enormous impact of tsunami through newspapers and TV news.

I am terribly sorry that the Japanese people have to experience this calamity. The enormity of the disaster is not easy to imagine as we are not there to witness it but I think great loss and suffering occur. The first thing that came to my mind is my friend Sashi and her family. She lives in Niigata city, a harbour and I wondered whether the mountainous waves engulfed the port. So the moment I arrived back from Kuala Terengganu, I sent her an email, fervently praying that she and her family are OK. Thank God she responded immediately assuring me that everyone is OK including her son, Hiro and wife who live in Tokyo. I haven't had any details about the disaster yet from her. I just pray that Malaysians who work and study there are safe and able to send news to their love ones in Malaysia.

Disaster like tsunami is not a joking matter. I felt unhappy by some insensitie comments. Yes, Japan is advanced and high-tech but there are certain thing that's beyond human control. Disaster doesn't choose which country or what religion is being practiced and it doesn't mean the people are bad. So stop being so judging and have more compassion. Let's pray that tsunami does not visit our shores again as a second episode will result in unimaginable destruction.

To the Japanese, may you recover sooner than expected.

Another milestone in PRS

With the counsellors and PRS at the sale of my books desk during the seminar in Unisza 110311

With PRS of UMT and Unisza. Women's power!! 110311

It's gratifying to know that Program Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya(PRS) is gaining momentum again in our school system and in institutions of higher learning. The link in Facebook gave me insight of PRS activities in certain schools and the challenges faced by the counsellors. It's heartening to learn that many counsellors are really involved and interested in the growth of these young people. Thank you.

I was honoured to be invited to talk about the historical development of the program to a group of PRS of Universiti Malaysia Terengganu and Universiti Sultan Zainal Abidin in Kuala Trengganu. I hope these young people will remember how the program came into existence and the people behind it who gave me much support. Though I am acknowledged as the founder of the program, I wanted them to know that I was not alone and that without the support of people who mattered, the program might not get the platform it deserved. Those people will not be forgotten and I owe them much gratitude for supporting me. My handouts and talks and my books will testify to this when I am not around anymore.

Thank you to Puan Rosni of Unisza for organising the seminar and for inviting me. The irony is that, I should be talking too to all counsellors and trainers of the program but have not the opportunity to do so. They are the ones who should know how this program comes into existence so that it can be conveyed to their PRS.

Before I retired, I made a promise that I would go, if invited, anywhere for program PRS and so far I have kept my promise though I have stopped getting involved in the training programs. Program will always be in my heart and I will always be proud that in some way I have contributed to some aspects of growth and development of young people in our beloved country.

To all PRS, no matter where you are or what name you use, my warmest regards and wish you with success in your life.

Old friend

Once upon time we were very close and happy in each other's company. We didn't seem to need other friends and we talked endlessly, sharing our news ( a day old news), thoughts and feelings with open souls. Between us there were no secrets, her intimate secrets were mine and mine was hers. Our trust with each other was deep and meaningful. People used to say wherever I was, she would be there too.
We met when were in Universiti Malaya in the 60s. She was from the north (Kedah) and I was from south (Melaka) but we struck a lasting friendship. This could be because we were both fiercely independent and straight-talk. Many distant friends couldn't stand our direct approach, a few understood our personality but we didn't care, we had each other. We had other close friends as well and at university we went on our own most time but always met when we needed one another, especially when there were intimate things to share such as talking about study challenges, boyfriends, other relationships and family.
After graduation we went separate ways and got married. She worked in the north and I was in the south but somehow God brought us together when we were successful in getting a job teaching at a teacher's college in KL and we bonded again naturally. Our husbands and children became friends too and we used to go for family outings together. Life was good and peaceful then.
After finishing my studies in the States, I was posted to Teacher Training Division where she already was working there after the completion of her Master's degree. It goes without saying, we were inseparable. Friends and students used to refer us as a tiger and a lion - very strict and fierce individuals. Being a very attractive lady, she was known for her sculptured looks while I was unofficially crowned by some, as the best dressed lady there. I remember a colleague, Tan, who passed away due to Parkinson used to record the dresses I wore and my favourite colour which I wasn't aware of. Many of our colleagues were quite confused over our friendship. When we disagreed, we disagreed vehemently as if were arched enemies yelling at each other like we were ending our relationship. But the next minute they saw us having lunch together as if nothing happened. To them we were crazy people. Nobody dared talk bad about us within our hearing. Woe betide, we would defend each other like a lioness protecting its cubs.
Working together for some years, including working in Genting Highlands was fun until I was transferred to Ministry of Education. I decided enough was enough and applied for early retirement. Though we lived quite near each other, I was busy with my life and professional practice and traveled throughout Malaysia quite extensively. Gradually our friendship fizzled away, only occasionally called each other. When she retired and I moved to Kuching, we were silent.
Now both of us are grandmothers and getting on on age, we decided to rekindle old friendship. She has 9 grandchildren and I, one. She lives in Kedah, whereas I live in Port Dickson. So last Saturday was the first time we got together to celebrate her birthday after such a long break. But frankly, nothing seems to change as if time has stood still for both us. We shared much of our ups and downs naturally and laughed so loud that we forgot we have not seen each other for a long time except during Haj in 2009.
Sofiah, thank you for your friendship which I know is sincere and true.












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Please help

Now that I am spending a lot more time in Kg. Tunku, PJ since Rania graces my world, I started to get myself involved again in charity work organised by the Muslim women's section of Al-Rahman mosque in Kg. Tunku, which is about a door away from my house. Today after attending a tafsir class there, Datin Hasmah, the chairperson of the Biro Istiqamah, and I spent our time sorting out used clothes and other things, in preparation for our jumble sale in June. We are contributing some financial aid do a few orphanages, shelter homes for the aged and the disabled. Funds are needed in our kitty to enable us to help those in need.
As the Secretary of the Biro, plan to raise funds is crucial. I am appealing to friends, individuals and readers of my blog, if you have anything that is still good and you want to give away, please donate it to us. You can contact me by mobile 019-857-5188 or email zuraidah.rahman@gmail.com
or call Datin Hasmah 019-3516537. Though both of us are not competent drivers as before we could make arrangement to collect or if you're kind enough you can take them direct to the mosque. The address of the mosque is Masjid Al-Rahman, No 7, Jalan SS1/31, Kg. Tunku, 47300 Petaling Jaya, Selangor. Please help us to help others in need. You can also send monetary contribution at any amount you wish. Please send monetary contribution to:
Datin Arfah Daud,
Bendahari Biro Istiqamah
No.1 Jalan SS1/35
47300 Petaling Jaya
Selangor.

No matter how small your contribution is, we would appreciate it as it will help some desolate people. I would like to appeal to those who wish to contribute in kind, only donate things that are still usable, for example, wearable clothes, not torn old clothes, electrical goods that are still working, books, magazines, pot and pans, crockery etc.
Oleh itu besedekahlah dengan ikhlas dan berasa bangga yang sumbangan anda dapat membantu orang yang memerlukan bantuan. Sekiranya anda berupaya membantu tenaga, sumbangan anda juga dihargai. Hubungi saya jika anda beminat. Terima kasih, moga-moga Allah memurahkan rezeki anda.