Meaning of friendship

Met again an old friend whom I have not been in contact for several years. We used to be quite close working and volunteering at an NGO in PJ. Out of the blue I received her call and I was surprised but pleased. Knowing her social contacts with high society, I thought I was out of her league and out of her mind. Being a very rich lady, she moved around with the rich and famous in Malaysia. So it was OK for me if we occasionally talk on the phone as I understand she has different interests like golfing, flying to different countries to attend golf tournaments or just for easy going holidays. But I really respect her. In spite of her wealth she is so down to earth, humble and not bothered with material possessions.

According to her, she just found out that I suffer from eye diseases and would like us to meet for old time's sake. I have no objection. Meeting her again was fun. We exchanged news to fill up the absence in our lives. In our conversation, I was quite surprised when she said that she felt alienated and alone most time. I don't understand why. As far as I know she is always busy with people or friends around her. A single parent, her only son just got married and moved away. I supposed that's why she felt so despondent. My assumption was wrong.

At the age of 60, she realizes that she has no close friends whom she can confide in and share her feelings and the ups and downs in her life. And she thought I was too busy to listen to her woes because of my teaching commitment in Unimas. Seemed like both of us nurtured wrong assumptions about each other.

She lamented that the many friends around her are not ones she can rely on. They profess lasting friendship but in actual fact she is forgotten soon after everyone is busy with their life. I just listened but finally I assured here that's part of senior development as time passed by, that she is not alone experiencing that kind of melancholy. I did too. But it depends on how strong you are relying on yourself and the belief that it's good to have people around you but you're not dependent on them. Being highly independent financially she has one advantage over many others.

I told her how some people at the NGO professed their admiration, love and desire to continue the friendship with me. The same with some university friends and ex-students but as time moves on, people's feelings changed. They are caught up with their lives, building new families and new friends, busy with their career and interests and you will find their expression of love and devotion become meaningless. They will contact you when they need something from you. That's part of life. Yes, it's easy for anybody to say, I love you, I miss you, I will remember you, I care for you etc. etc but most forget once they establish a new life or gain new status. It's difficult to find a friend who really cares for you and if you have one, nurture her or him. Unfortunately this friend of mind suspects that the friendship she receives is based on money. I suppose it's confusing when one is wealthy, to identify between true friends and hangers. Jokingly I told her she is also in the same boat as our friendship is so erratic. She forgot me when she has her rich friends around. Of course she denied it. But I assured her that it's Ok and that I am at fault too.

This wealthy Nyonya promised to keep in touch faithfully with me. She is not obligated to do so but we will see what happened.