Biar Orang Cina Pimpin Islam

While spending time looking for reading materials at a bookstore in Jusco Seremban Dua, I found this book. The title caught my eyes and heightened my curiosity. Written by Ann Wan Seng, a Chinese Muslim, he debated on dakwah and how Islam is being perceived by Malaysian Chinese. Though many of his points I have talked informally before, looking at them in print confirmed my thinking. To read this book you must have an open mind and not get defensive with the written words.
To me, this book is straight forward and honest though in certain aspects or part it was written vaguely. I supposed the author was careful not to offend the Malays and it was written tentatively. The important issue discussed was why Islam is not openly accepted by the Chinese whereas they are the second majority race in the country. The Chinese live side by side with Muslim Malays and yet they shy away from Islam. In fact many do not have positive outlook on Islam and view it with suspicion.
As I see it, the problem is rooted on the belief that Islam is Melayu whereas Melayu is a race and Islam is a religion which belongs to whoever believe it, regardless of race. In fact many Malay Muslim are hypocrites who profess to be Muslims but in their daily life, behaviour, attitude and practices do not reflect true Muslims. They used Islam as an excuse for their own ends. This is so revolting. That's the reason why non-Muslims have screwed view of Islam.
The author also talked about how berdakwah. Dakwah cannot be done in an air-conditioned room, pendakwah has to be in the society, living it and showing good examples as Muslims. That's why I believe, the Christian missionary is successful in converting the Ibans who live deep in the jungle of Sarawak. The so called Malay Muslim missionary refused to do so with thousand excuses, not willing to live in isolated places with little income but they are good at talking and finding faults. The author said 'akhlak adalah senjata yang paling berkesan bagi menundukkan orang Cina dan sesiapa sahaja tanpa mendatangkan kecederaan dan kematian.' Aren't back-stabbing, dengki, corruption, judging, policing other's behaviour, arrogance by thinking they are alim and superior and putting people down are examples of poor akhlak but yet many Malay Muslims practice this. I have interacted with so many so call orang alim who pray, fast, go to umrah and Haj, ceramah on Islam and yet their behaviour, attitude and practices are so unislamic. Pejabat Agama Islam, Mahkamah Syariah, some mosques are so intimidating that going there is like jumping into a gaping hole. Why????
The author said it is easy to attract the Chinese to Islam if life examples shown are worthy, the muslims understand the Chinese culture and belief and they present Islam not as an intimidating religion but a religion as practiced by Rasullullah.
I hope this book is translated to English and Chinese and other languages so that more people will understand what Islam stand for.
The Malays have to look at themselves with all sincerety to be good Muslims. We should pay attention to this statement, ' Orang Cina berjaya kerana mereka saling bekerjasama sedangkan orang Melayu menemui kegagalan kerana sesama mereka saling berusaha untuk menjatuhkan antara satu sama lain.' How true. As a joke many say most Malays hold the title PhD (perasaan hasad dengki). Aren't we ashamed of ourselves?
But who am I to talk about Islam?

Resolved?

My 3 children were surprised that this old issue surfaced again when I brought it up in the family conference tonight. I decided to talk to them, at least to ease my anxiety and to find some amicable resolution. They were not pleased that I kept this to myself for sometime creating unnecessary anxiety and depression. In actual, fact I was towing with the idea of sharing this with them as I didn't want them to be burdened with my issues. All three unanimously expressed displeasure of my decision to keep this to myself. Izrin turned on me saying I should practice what I told them to do - to share and not to be by myself when I feel depressed, that I shouldn't stay alone in PD, that I should come back to PJ and keep myself occupied with Rania and gardening. Oh well, sometimes I forgot that they are not young children anymore. Ika pointedly told me this that they are matured thinking adults and I should trust them. I was amazed at their responses and felt proud thinking that I must have done something right in bringing them up, being loving and caring children.
The action-oriented Maz quickly acted on the issue and sms me later saying the issue will be resolved and that I am not to worry anymore. She will take care of it. I believe her but will be more at ease if I get some kind of firm confirmation that the claim is dropped unconditionally. I know if there is any condition attached to it I'll protest.
I feel more at peace with myself now. Rania also helped me tremendously. She was so excited seeing me, calling 'nenek' and impatiently waited for me to carry her. It was so great seeing my little 'jantung pisang' again, a one year old chatterbox (in her own language).
I had an AGM in Port Dickson in the afternoon. Being one of the council members, my presence counted. It was a good meeting with 2 new owners join force. The resort needs more experienced and dynamic owners to volunteer as council members. Functioned as a voluntary council member for 2 years in the management, is an eye-opener experience but quite frustrating. Decisions made in MC meeting are slow being enforced by the manager, many owners default in paying service charges and lack of management supervision. I hope 2011 will be a better year and we are able to upgrade the resort.

Elderly anxiety

I was browsing through internet to understand more of elderly anxiety. There are a few interesting articles and I was looking for something that has connection to my situation now. According to Mike Sherry, a psychologist, among the elderly, situations like conflict-laden relationship, difficulty performing important obligations or frustrating cognitive tasks often brings about anxious feelings. Admittedly I am suffering from anxiety due to unresolved relationship problem rooted in several years ago. I am feeling so disgusted, angry and disappointed that greed and vengeance can consumed a person beyond reason. According to Sherry, anxiety can cause severe distress over a period of time and disrupt the lives of individuals suffering from them. Oh yes, that's me alright.

For the past 10 years I have a fulfilled life, at peace with myself, doing things that I like to do without bothering my children or anybody else and enjoying Rania's presence. And suddenly my peace of mind was shattered with a lawyer's letter that threatened my stability and my children's. I am not interested to rake old stories as I believe it should be buried in the past and what's important is the present and the future. My presence life is calm and joyful and the future I don't know. Unfortunately, my future now becomes so unstable due to past greed and vengeance. I know, not everybody can just leave the past and let it rest but my case was simple. It boils down to acceptance, generosity and kindness, for attacking me means attacking my children's inheritance as well. I am a mother and will not jeopardize my children's rights, no matter what. I don't crave for material possession but would like to keep what I have and have worked for, for my children. I guess inilah salah satu sebab mengapa orang Melayu lambat maju ke hadapan disebabkan busuk hati, dendam dan rasa puas melihat sasarannya (orang Melayu juga) menderita atau hilang segalanya.

I promise myself I am going to fight this and will not let this ba***rd get to my mind and consume my sanity. I have gone through that life before. I don't want to be the victim of depression or mental break down. This is another attempt to break me.

I am suffering from mild anxiety now as I am able to function and trying to find ways to overcome it. But it causes me severe distress for a few weeks now, robbing my night sleep and my peace of mind and physical strength. I don't know how my eye pressure is like. I suspect it will go up due to tension. My eye checkup on 25 April will tell my situation.

Please pray for me that I'll get out of this problem with triumph.

Happy birthday, my poppet

Seemed like it was just yesterday I heard your faint wail in the delivery room in Pantai Hospital on 16 April 2010. Rania, you protested for being yanked out into this world from the comfort of your mom's belly. That day, you made me and your parents the happiest human beings on earth. From that day on, you hold my heart in your little hands, my angel.

Saturday 26 April 2011, you are one year old. You have grown taller, establish your personality and know what you want and don't want, which sometimes frustrated your mom. You're such a picky eater, wanting to play most of the time and rebel against going to sleep if you were not ready. I was in cloud nine when you saw me in the morning, you clapped your hands and say 'Nenek'. You're my world. I was so lucky having you when Mok died. Your presence lightened my depression of losing him but sad that you missed him too and kept calling his name over and over again.

Thistle Resort Port Dickson was the venue we celebrated your birthday. Your parents took you for a splash in the sea and in the pool in the morning. You had a great time, I was told. When I came in the afternoon you were tired and after you had your milk, you promptly fell asleep in my arms. You were so adorable!

In the evening, Mak Yang, Pak Su, Mak Su and I came over to celebrate and cut your birthday cake. Your mom bought you a cute ladybug choclate cake and we celebrated with our drinks. We sang happy birthday but we knew you didn't get what's the fuss about and you tried to grab the cake. You mom blew the single candle for you.

We opened Pak Su's and Mak Su's present and it was a beautiful white party gown. I changed you into the gown and you looked so angelic. The big mirrors in the restaurant became an attraction and you admired your reflection there.

The party broke up when you became tired and grumpy and it was time for your nap. We bade goodbye with million kisses.

May you have many more birtdays my lovely..

Rania

Rania is going to be 1 year old on Saturday 16 April 2011. She has acquired a few skills that sometimes frustrate her mom, Ika. Look at the Child Ego State where the Little Professor is found. I am talking about Transactional Analysis. Watch how the little person manipulates mom, dad and especially grandma. That's how some adults play this game of manipulation to get their way. Rania knows that Nenek will melt under her huge eyes when she wants something. So when mom says no, it's Nenek she turned to. I can't help it from giving in, she is so adorable.
This morning when I came out from my room, Rania saw me and she clapped her hands and said 'Nenek' so happily with a big smile on her face. How to resist her?
Taking her to the mall or anywhere is quite a handful. She has a will of her own and drag my hand to go where she wants to go. She got a lot of attention and admiring glances, most commented on her huge eyes and long eye-lashes and her fair skin. I think my little grand daughter is going to be a ravishing beauty when she grows up.
Last Sunday, I saw how a mother reacted when she thought her child was in pain. Ika is a superb mother though she complained that raising Rania is a handful. She panicked seeing Rania suffered. Somehow Rania went through this phase of refusing to take milk, eat or drink. As a result of lack of fluid in the body, she constipated badly. For 3 days, she tried to move her bowels but failed because of hard stools. Poor Rania, she cried in pain. Child clinics were closed on Sundays. Justin was in Sydney attending a workshop, so Ika, still in her night dress, and I have to rush Rania to Assunta Hospital Emergency and the doctor inserted enema which made her poo a few minutes later. That night she took her bottle after a strike for the last few days. It was such a relieve to see her back to normal.











However, Rania is still a choosy eater. The amount of noise, baby talks, sing-songs, Ika has to do when feeding her is like talking to a house full of kids. Coaxing Rania to eat is a big job.
I told Ika that Ifelt the same way when at 3 months, Maz constipated and I have to rush her to Universiti Hospital emergency very early in the morning. I suppose Ika understands a bit now what mother's love is, having Rania teaching her. When it comes to child safety and welfare, a mother will forgo comfort, style, looking good, self-safety and food until she is confident that her child is OK.
Every n0w and again, Rania will call out 'Mok' and looks for him at the back room. She will point out where Mok was buried but doesn't know the concept of death. It breaks my heart to see her missing our Mok. I miss and still in pain of losing him. No other pet will be able to replace my Mok. While writing this I am under great anxiety over old unresolved issues but I don't have Mok in my lap to talk to. I miss you tremendously, Mok!!!!!!

Rest in peace, my love

I felt a part of my soul is buried together with Mok today. We buried Mok in the garden in my flower patch near to Raisa's grave. Izrin came to dig the grave and we bade a simple farewell to him. I caressed his luscious hair on his dead body, watched by Rania on my lap. Rania didn't know that she was seeing Mok for the last time. My beautiful Mok, my companion, my listener who never judged me and who had delighted me and the family for 15 years. When I was in Kuching for more than 6 years, Ika took care of him with Izrin's help.









When Raisa died last year in June, Izrin crumbled and that was how Ika and I felt today. I have not got over the pain and the regret that I could bid a better farewell before he left us, that I should realize that he was bidding goodbye when I visited him yesterday.
Maybe some people may not understand why I was so upset, sad and depressed over a dead cat. Mok is not just a cat. He was a family member and lived with us full time for 15 years. We could never find an adorable cat with such placid temperament as Mok.
I have no mood to make his grave pretty today and I don't want his trays and food bowl to be taken out from his toilet. When I see those trays and bowl, I feel Mok is coming back. He just went away somewhere for a break.






Rania adored his photos hanging on my wall in the room and kept calling Mok and pulled at the photos. Mok is there somewhere knowing that he is very much loved and missed. Only those who have strong attachment to their pets will understand my emotion and feeling now -pain and a sense of loss and I still cry.
Mok bonded my children and me. Wherever we were together Mok and Raisa were the topic of our conversation. We saw him grew from a glistening tiny kitten to a big thick hair grown cat who was housebound and loving. My students used to say when they see a picture of Mok in facebook, they know it was me. I felt so proud showing him off as he was such a beautiful cat. Almost everyone we met wanted to hold him and rub his thick hair. Mok didn't know how to bite or scratch and he enjoyed being cuddled.
Ika reminded many times not to adopt any more cats. Beside being a long term big responsibility, the emotional turmoil seeing the pet cat sick, injured or die is so great. We have gone through this many times and Mok was the most tortured experience, I have ever felt as Mok has a special place in my heart.


I am having a hard time to tell Rania that Mok is gone forever. How do I tell an 11 months old little girl this?










Rest in peace my adorable Mok.

Forever in my heart

I can't stop my tears streaming down my cheeks. I felt so heart broken and sad that my cuddly fat Mok died at 8.55 pm at UPM Vet Hospital tonight due to critical renal failure. Dr. Nurul, who knows Mok, called to say that Mok has stopped breathing. My world crashed. I was hoping to bring him back after he gets well and I was optimistic that he would make it and returned home for Rania to play with.









Rania is calling 'Mok' everyday and every cat picture is Mok to her.
We found out that Mok suffers kidney failure after Raisa died of the same ailment on 15 June 2010. Izrin was crushed and we mourned her. We brought Mok for blood test after that and the doctor confirmed that Mok is suffering from renal failure too, at a critical stage. We were ignorant of feline renal problem, not because we didn't care. From then on Izrin, (with Haidi's help), Ika and I took turn to take Mok for dialysis twice a week. We wanted him to live forever.

For 15 years Mok brought joy and pride to us. To me, he was my therapist - a superb listener who accepted me and empathized silently with my woes. He loved to be cuddled and used to sleep with me with his head resting on my chest. He knew my bed is his kingdom. But when Rania came, Mok was 'neglected' a bit as attention was focused on Rania but Rania loves him. In fact Rania's first word is 'Mok'.
I visited him at the hospital this afternoon. He was supposed to be discharged today but Dr. Ong said he needed to stay longer for further treatment, maybe for blood transfusion as other alternative. I okeyed it as long as Mok recovered.
His condition was heart wrenching. Mok couldn't get up. He urinated while lying down on the towel - too weak even to lift his head. When I came, I sat down, patting and scratching his neck as he liked it, talking softly, begging him to eat and promising that I would take him home once he is OK. I knew he knew that it was me talking to him. He lifted his head, looked at me and meowed. According to Dr. Ong, Mok never meowed, very silent and sick. Dr. Ong advised that I should visit him everyday so that he would be motivated. I promised to do that. I never realized in a million years that Mok meowed to say goodbye to me. My heart ached as I wrote this. I wished I have known and I would have stayed longer and talked more to him, assuring him that he would be OK and that he was very much loved. The phone call from Dr. Nurul crushed my heart, Mok is gone forever but he will always live in my heart.
Ika, Izrin and I planned to visit him tomorrow morning. Yes we are going but only to bring his carcass back for burial near Raisa.
I have to put my 3 eye drops but I don't know whether the drops help to lower my eye pressure - they were diluted with my tears.















Farewell my lovely Mok. Thank you for the joy you brought to my life and to everyone in the family. We love you so very much.