Ongoing tussle

Since I came back from Dubai, there are a lot of things happened in my life. Sometimes some events affected me hard and I needed to clear my mind by writing it down. But there are times when personal events are so big and complicated that touched not only my mind but the deepest of my heart, I stopped short - I don't know how to put it into words. Hence, my mind flies every where, not focused and my emotion will be like a roller coaster. Somehow I managed to calm myself, fearing putting pressure on me will result in increase in eye pressure.

I have been successful in keeping my eye pressure down but the last two visits to my eye specialist proved to be so disappointing. My optic nerve is in alarming state and my doctor is talking about surgery. I have lost ideas and efforts to keep the pressure down but the last visit on 22 March gave me such a fright - the pressure has shot up higher. I was referred to another senior specialist for second opinion, whether surgery is my best option. Of course with surgery, there are risks. I was told that surgery would the last option and she suggests for me to try a new drug and see whether it will help lowering the pressure. She is optimistic and I am hopeful. I am going to start the new eye drop on Thursday, 1 April and see what happens.

Though I look OK and brave, deep in my heart I have fear - fear of the uncertainty of my sight. Although I don't let that fear overcome me or stop me from doing things that I like but still it's there. It's REAL. The biggest fear I am facing now is the loss of my independence. I am very aware of it but for the moment I have to go on with my life. I guess I shall cross the bridge when I come to it.

I decided to stop using Permata Hijrah. It doesn't help me anymore. I still take Ocu Plus which is an eye food and some other supplements like bilberry, eye bright, ginko, Vit C and Omega 3. I do not know whether these help or not but they are also for my general health.

When I was doing my Hajj, the focus of my prayers was for my children, then siblings, students, friends and others. The only prayer for me is for God to extend my sight until the end of my day. I don't know whether my prayer will be answered - only time will tell.

So once again, I would like to remind my readers to take care of your eyes. Go for eye check with eye specialist, not with optician, regularly. Sight is a precious commodity given to you.