A look at our manners

In Unimas lecture theatre with 2009 internship students (counselling) ). 13 Oct 2008













As an invited lecturer at Unimas with Counselling Intenship students 2009. 12 Oct 2008.








I have issues on habits of some Malaysians. I think a lot of us have poor listening skills or we love to hear our own voice too much. Look around when you attend talks or ceramah. Check how many people are actually listening to what the speakers say. Maybe we could check ourselves whether we have this unbecoming habit or bad manners. It is sheer rudeness when a person talks and we are busy talking to our friends at the same time. Can't we wait until the speaker finishes delivering his/her piece?

I attended a Haj course at Masjid Jamek, Port Dickson. I went faithfully every Saturday except when I wasn't in PD. The course provides valuable information on the Haj process. I was keen to refresh my memory by this course as I performed my Haj in 1984 - a long time ago. But I wonder sometimes what was the purpose of some of those people who attended this course or to any ceramah for that matter. Many didn't listen!! They talked and their voices interrupted my concentration, it was really irritating! As a result I moved places several times to the back, away from the group of talking ladies. It looked like I was anti-social.

What goes in the mind of some people with this bad habit? Even if you gave a big stare or shooed them politely, they just ignored it and continued talking. I remember in 2005 when Unimas organized a counselling seminar in Kuching, we had a dinner for the participants. The guest speakers that night were a Sarawak Minister and the Deputy Vice Chancellor. During their speeches, the noise in the hall was like in a pasar borong (honestly) - nobody listened, everybody was busy talking and moving from table to table. I felt sorry for our guests speakers. If it were me, I wouldn't continue and would cut my speech short. It was sheer waste of time speaking when a pasar malam was going on. It was unbelievable. Our guests from US, Dr. Robert Bowman and wife were so shocked to see that everybody was busy talking and moving around. None seemed to listen except a few in the front tables. What bad manners!!!

I spoke up the next day about our shameful behaviour and later, I received an unsigned letter or surat layang condemning me for critisizing. The excuse given was everybody was excited meeting old friends. Was that a logical, valid and intelligent reason for being rude? I was accused for sucking up to Americans and said he/she couldn't care less about our Mat Saleh guests. That came supposedly from an educated person who gave excuses for bad behaviuor. I hoped the person was not a counsellor.

I disregarded the letter as I thought unsigned letter actually came from a sick mind who was chicken to confront me face-to-face, a pengecut. It was a shame actually when we had people who were so defensive and thought they were right, no matter how bad their behaviour was. I was sure he/she was one of the culprits. What a shameful behaviour!!! I hope my students and whoever read this blog will remember, respecting and listening when a person delivers his/her presentation means good manners. If you want to talk because you are excited or have urgent stories to tell, it is only polite if you go outside and do the talking there. Please listen and give respect when a person talks, especially if you attend seminars, conferences or any ceramahs.

One way I used to do to avoid talking was to sit in front rows of seats. Friends used to tease and ridicule me for choosing front seats and said I wanted my face to appear in TV. It didn't bother me. Good, if it did but most of the time I didn't even know or bother about the TV thing. I just knew what I wanted to do. Another unhealthy habit in seminars, talks etc, is avoiding sitting in the front rows and leaving the seats empty. Most chose to be backbenchers. Why is it sitting in the front rows is so intimidating? Are we so lacking in self-confidence that sitting in front seats make us feel malu or scared? Malu or scared for what? This is a displaced malu. But we are not malu if we practice unacceptable behaviour. Why????

I hope my students become the agent of behavioural change in showing confidence and respect for themselves and others. I know this is a tall order but I have hope. I wish them all the best in their lives especially in making choices. Good luck.