My Siblings 4

My siblings - left: my fifth brother, Ahmad Mahir, my oldest sister, Zawiyah and my fourth brother, Ahmad Zainal Ariffin, taken on 8 Nov 2008.

With my fourth brother, Ahmad Zainal Ariffin at a family gathering in Melaka, Dec 2007

The 3 brothers. Left: Shahrul Bahrin, Razali and Azlan (Allahyarham)

He was my parents' pride and a brother I was closed to when young and even now. We got along well together even though he spent most of his young life away from the family. Ahmad Zainal Ariffin is my mother's fourth son and he was educated at the Royal Military College (Boy's Wing) in Port Dickson. As a student in the Military College, he excelled in his studies and won a Colombo Plan Scholarship to do accountancy in Adelaide, Australia in 1958. He was the first member of my family as well as in the village of Tg. Kling, Melaka, who went overseas to study. The villagers organised a farewell celebration with a joget and kenduri before he left. I remember the whole family had to travel to Singapore to send him to the airport to Adelaide. It was such a big do at that time but I have forgotten with whom we stayed when we were in Singapore. My brother told me we stayed with one of the Za'aba's family member by the name of Yusof who was my father's friend.

Bang Ifin is another gentle member of my family. During fasting month, if he was home he was the one who helped my mother baking cookies, sweating himself at the hot, traditional zinc oven heated by burning coconut husk. It was a labourious work which I disliked. I didn't remember any big sibling rivalry with him, so life was OK with me in my relatiopnship with him. I remember vaguely that he was also proud of me when I did well in school. My mother used to relate stories on how my Bang Ifin was taken care of by Asam, a faithful Chinese amah who doted on him when he was a baby and a young boy. He was so attached to Asam and looked at her as his mother. My mother used to tell stories of how she and my father hid Asam away in Rembau from the invading Japanese during the Second World War. My mother made her wear Malay kebaya instead of her traditional attire of black and white - a kind of uniform for an amah at that time. The Japanese soldiers were looking for Chinese to torture and kill. My parents risked their lives to save her. If the Japanese soldiers found out that they were hiding a Chinese, the whole family would be killed. According to my mom, it was a very terrifying time. Asam left the family not long after the War due to old age and she went back to China.

When he was studying in Adelaide, he had Australian foster parents who took care of him and his friend, Syed Hamdan from Terengganu. Max and Doreen Forgan (deceased) became my family's friends and I was the middle person entertaining them when they came to visit almost every year until Max got sick and hospitalised in Assunta Hospital in Petaling Jaya. After that they stopped coming because Max couldn't travel anymore. Since Max and Doreen knew me well enough and Bang Ifin was earning as he had his accounting practice then, he proposed to my parents to let me come and study in Adelaide after my Higher School Certificate Examination in 1964. He would support me financially with Max and Doreen providing free accomodation. I was excited to go. Unfortunately, my father put his foot down and refused to allow me to go for reason 'nanti dia kawin mat saleh'. You see, my brother, Ariffin, married an Aussie girl, Kathy Brown or Nor Arifah. Later, they came back to Malaysia for a visit with their first born, Shahrul Bahrin - a chubby lovable baby whom everybody fell in love with. My mother took an instant liking to Kak Nor as she was more Asian in her ways and knew how to win my mother's heart.

Bang Ifin' wedding with Norarifah Ariffin in Adelaide. Photo taken with Kak Nor's parents, the Browns (right) and the Imam of Adelaide mosque (left) ie. Imam Hj. Ahmad Staka from Bosnia, an uncle to the wife of Ketua Menteri Sarawak now.

They got married on 16 July 1966.

Bang Ifin holding his first born, Shahrul Bahrin ( born July 16, 1968) at his house in Adelaide.

My lovable nephews when young. Left: Anuar (Allayarham) and brother Shahrul.

I visited them in Adelaide in 1973, Maz was 3 months old then and was looked after by my parents while I was away. That was the first time I went to Australia. At that time I heard his second son, Anuar, was diagnosed with leukimia. I still remember a heart-wrenching episode when Anuar had to go for his regular check-up at the Children Hospital in Adelaide. He just knew where to go and what to do without a fuss. He knew he was a sick child. The doctors and nurses liked him as he was such a lovely and docile boy. It was a very difficult time for my brother and my sister-in-law. Anuar passed away at the age of 3 and a half. They grieved for him for a long while.

I visited Kak Nor again in 2006 (right) with Mama Brown (Kak Nor's mother) at her retirement home in Adelaide.

After living 20 years in Adelaide, to my parents' delight, he decided to come home for good and he and his family relocated to Malaysia living in Kelana Jaya. When he was back, I became a good friend to his wife, Kak Nor. They have 2 other sons after Anuar - Azlan and Razali.

When the marriage broke down, Kak Nor went back to Adelaide with his 3 sons and much later my brother remarried a Malay lady. To me and the family, Kak Nor will always be a member of our family. I was glad when my mother was in Assunta Hospital, Petaling Jaya, she visited her. Mak was so deliriously happy that she refused to let go of her hand. A few months later, Mak passed away (Jan 1997). I thank God for making them meet again for the last time since my mother had been asking me many times how Kak Nor was doing.

I was the only member of the family who kept in touch with my Australian relatives but now I am so pleased that Ika kept in touch through email and facebook with Shahrul. Through facebook many of my nieces communicated with him. I don't want the blood relation to fizzle off when I am gone as Shah, Zali and Zain should know their roots. Thank you Ika and Shah and please keep on communicating no matter where you are.

Chubby Shahrul at 6 months old with mom, Nor Arifah Ariffin (Kathleen)

Picture taken with my nephew, Shahrul in 2006 in Adelaide. Shah still playfully called me Black Mother, a direct translation of Mak Itam (that's what I am called according to the hierachy in the family).

I salute both my brother and Kak Nor for being able to face so many challenges in their lives, especially the loss of their children. At the age of 23 my handsome, dark haired nephew, Azlan passed away in August 1998. Bang Ifin, wife Maznah and I took a trip to Adelaide for his burial. I can't imagine the sadness, the pains and the loss they suffered at that time. It was such a sad moment. Both of them grieved for the loss of their grown-up son. I was lucky that a year before Azlan passed away, I visited them there on my quest to get a place for Izrin to study in Adelaide where he would be with his cousins. It was not to be. I was glad I had the opportunity to be with Azlan as he became my tourist guide taking me to wherever I wanted to go.

Presenly, Shah is still happy and single, whereas Razali is married to Kim and they have a 14 year old son, Zain. So, Bang Ifin has a grandson whom he hasn't seen for several years. Kak Nor came back to Malaysia with Zain when he was a todler (1996). Kak Nor considers Malaysia as her home and he and Bang Ifin are still good friends. One day soon Kak Nor will visit us again. She is approaching retirement as a graduate staff nurse in Adelaide Hospital. She used to comment that she didn't learn much Malay in the ten years she lived in Malaysia but learned a lot more when she was back in Adelaide. Most Malay students there made an effort to speak Malay to her. But when in Malaysia everybody spoke English as when we spoke Malay to her we received slow response. This is Justin's problem too. I think Justin has to live for a few months in a remote kampung where nobody speaks English, then he will pick up the language fast!

Doting uncle, Azlan with Zain, Razali's son, his nephew.

My great grand nephew, Zain Razali Ariffin of Adelaide, Australia at 10 years old ( Dec 12 1994).

Bang Ifin is a highly principled and ethical Chartered Accountant. Many times when I asked him to do somethimg that he was not supposed to do, he would say, 'No, I can't, that's unethical.' He is not rich but he could be if all his clients paid his professional fees faithfully. They owed him in thousands of ringgit which he was not able to collect. He lived a simple life with Maznah and even though touching 70, he is still young and active. He is the only brother who visited and checked on me regularly. When I have my personal problems in my life, it was him that I talked to for we shared some common issues and I find he understood me more.

Bang Ifin and wife Maznah, 2005

Bang Ifin's youngest son, Razali married Kim, with 10 year-old son, Zain.

Bang Ifin, thank you for being my brother and my friend. May Allah bless you with a good life.