Glaucoma

Since my last 2 blogs attracted many responses, I would like to share with you my experience of having glaucoma . My purpose is to tell you to be aware of your health and pay attention to one of the most vital organs in our body - our eyes. Don't take it for granted as I did.

I do not know exactly when glaucoma hit me but I am making a good guess. I think I started having in before I joined Unimas ie. before year 2000. While managing the National Stroke Association of Malaysia (NASAM) I already suffered this nagging headaches -little ones, not worth taking panadol or go to sleep. It just made me feel uncomfortable. I thought nothing of it and it dragged on. Oh yes I went for medical check-up, my blood pressure was a bit high at that time but the doctor said it was so mild, just take care. I did, and my blood pressure became normal until today.

In 2003, while having lunch with Zaiton at Unimas, she commented that my left eye was red - I didn't realise that. I went to see a doctor in Kuching immediately, thinking it was conjunctivitis (sakit mata). After 2 weeks the redness was still there and Dr. Tan recommended me to see an eye specialist at Timberland Hospital. Dr. Tiong, the eye specialist wasn't happy and told me he suspected I have glaucoma. It didn't hit me then that I have glaucoma as I didn't know the implications. I was referred to HUKM to see one of the top eye specialists there. After 2 visits, she confirmed that I have closed-angle glaucoma in both eyes. She did laser treatment twice to keep my eye pressure down.

One symptom that I realized was, I found it hard to open my eyes. My lids felt so heavy. My eyes are small and they became smaller. I consulted a plastic surgeon who told me because of aging the muscles of my eye-lids became loose and can be corrected by surgery. I thought of doing plastic surgery to correct the eye-lids but I canceled it and told myself it didn't matter I still can see. My beautician, Azizah, complained that my eyes were sunken deep. That made me more confused as I also suffered from dry-eye syndrome and a mild cataract. So you see, I have quite a comprehensive eye diseases!!!

The process of researching began. My daughter, Maz, compiled in a thick file about glaucoma from the internet. I was looking for an answer to WHY I have this. Doctors couldn't give me the answers and couldn't explain why. Healthwise I was certified healthy - went for stress test, blood test, bone density test etc etc.etc. I was in good shape - no diabetes, no heart problem, no cholestrol, no high blood pressure, and no member of my family suffer from this. The quest to find the answer WHY continued -too late I got it already. Then, in one article I read in internet stated that glaucoma can also be due to a long period of stress. I was the unlucky one.

I didn't blame stress but I think stress is a silent killer. I blamed myself for being stupid - stupid for thinking that I was good at handling stress, like doing yoga, exercise, meditation, prayer, performing umrah many times, activities, laughter etc, etc, etc. But if you are unhappy inside for a long time, it will eat you up. That's what I believe. I had a very unhappy life struggling inside me and I cried alone. Nobody understood. But I had to show people that I was OK. On the outside, my life was ideal, and it was. I knew then if I went on I would hit rock bottom. I made a decision, the turning point in my life by walking out of the stressful situation and I was free. Too late, glaucoma is already there and I have to deal with it.

So, what I am saying is that, if you suffer stress, do not let it dwell so long inside you. Take action, take risks, find ways to overcome it, even if it made your life difficult for a while. When the big stress is removed, you'll find ways to stablelise your life and be happy and normal again.

Now I know, when I have this nagging headaches, it means my eye pressure goes up again. I will not give up trying to lower it down in as many ways that I know or being advised to. I thank Dr. Tajunisa of UH for being quick to take action to lower my eye pressure. Prof Tan of UH also for insisting I do MRI to see if anything wrong in my brain. Syukur alhamdullillah, everything is fine there. So glaucoma is the culprit.

So readers, take care of your eyes, control your diabetes if you have, go for regular eye check-up and exercise regularly. Don't take things for granted as I did. We live in a very stressful world. Good luck to everyone.