Pre-Eidilfitri

Next week is the big celebration for Malaysian Muslims and the Muslims all over the world - Eid or the end of Ramadhan. It's going to be like previous years for me and my children but this year, Maz, my second daughter will not be with me. She is celebrating her raya with her in-laws in Terengganu. Last year, Hazri and Maz were with me. They have been practising this taking-turn to celebrate raya since they were married. It seems to work for them and I am happy. So, this year it will be Ika, Justin, Izrin and me in Port Dickson. Ika has been with me all these years, even when I was in Kuching. She flew over there and we spent our rayas visiting my friends and students or after prayer we spent our time traveling Sarawak. I'll definitely miss her when she moves to Sydney with Justin. These last 2 rayas, Justin fasted - his first experience as a Muslim. He did well and takes fasting in his stride.

I am proud of my children actually. But on ocassion like raya, I wish I have more than 3. In my younger days having 3 children was fashionable. More than that was too many and create problems in taking care of them. My mom has 10 and it is a constant wonder to me how she managed to raise us so well. There were no problems. Everybody just knew what they were supposed to do. But I am sure she had her fair share of heartaches too.

I don't interfere with my children's life. They are old enough to think for themselves. But like many mothers, sometimes I expect a lot more from them. This causes conflict and I don't win. To my mind, as long as they are happy and do not stress me, I am good.

I reminisced my younger days with my parents, brothers and sisters. When my parents were alive, every raya meant going back to Tanjung Kling, Melaka. Almost everybody would be back with their spouses and children. My parents' house was a jungle of noise and activities. After raya prayer, everybody would sit in a circle with the head of the family, my father and mother. We arranged ourselves according to age. The oldest of my siblings would start first - salam my parents, kissed their hands and asked for forgiveness. Then he and wife sat next to my parents waiting for the younger siblings to do the same. The next round was the grandchildren's turn. Again age counted. It looked chaotic but somehow everybody knew when was their turn. Of course the younger ones had a field day collecting duit raya. I remember my parents dreaded the next day, and the next, as one by one their children left to celebrate raya with their in-laws. Finally, by the end of the week they were left alone.

When my parents passed away, there was no attempt to group together on raya day. We were on our own with our families. We became distant - uncles, aunties and cousins are strangers. We realised this, and thus the yearly round of family gatherings.

I guess this year, after prayer and raya with Ika, Justin and Izrin, we will do our visiting closest relatives. Ika hates this routine and she and I will end up arguing. Poor Justin, I would love to introduce him to my mother's side in Rembau, the poorer side of the family. They live deep inside in a village at the edge of a jungle. My cousin is a schezophrenic and lives alone there. I used to bring food every now and then for him. It saddens my heart to see my children and my nieces and nephews do not take the extra miles to see this side of the clan. I know Justin would love to see the isolated village. It's a new experience for him. I'll see what happens.

Eidilfitri is once a year affair.Blessings come in many ways.