Gender Issue

Please understand. I am not male-bashing here but merely sharing my observation and experience. I worked as an Admin Manager with the National Stroke Association of Malaysia or NASAM for over 2 years before joining the Faculty of Cognitive Sciences and Human Development in University Malaysia Sarawak (Unimas) as an Associate Professor. My time with NASAM was most eye-opening and made me realize how important health is. An old university friend who suffered bad stroke shared his philosophy - ' when you have money, you can't buy health but if you have health you can make money.' How true. He is a millionair. I also learned how to handle stroke patients without being scared of hurting them. Thanks to the physiotherapists there. Being trained in counselling, I spent quite a lot of time talking to the patients as well as to their family members and carers.

As usual I dealt with different cases with different needs. What was obvious was the way the stroke patients were treated by their family members. I saw family ties broke because one member suffered stroke and yet some, bonded closer. Generally, when husbands suffered stroke, the wives will quit their jobs or went for long leave to care for the husbands. They devotedly attend to the needs of their husbands. Almost every time the wives will be at the husbands' side helping and encouraging. Some of them fell prey to stress but doggedly went on as they considered it their duty to care. So, with the help of volunteers we helped in relieving their burden by taking over the exercise so that they could relax and go somewhere.

A different story unfold when the wives suffered stroke. Some I hardly saw the husbands even though I called them to come so that I can discuss the wives' progress. There were always excuses - busy with work. So the maids were left to fill in the void. One case, he promptly married another woman with an excuse his wife 'tidak mampu'. Can you imagine the state of misery she felt? The road of recovery for her was long and tedious. I was angry, who doesn't, such a heartless human. But inspite of that, I admire a Tan Sri who devotedly cared for his wife and he became a volunteer himself and helped other strokees. I remember one male strokee told him jokingly, ' Tan Sri, can I marry you?"

I recalled my mother's analogy. She said, a man is like a cat and a woman is like a dog. Like a cat, wherever he gets attention and love, he stays there abandoning the old master/owner. So. My mother (allahyarhamah) said, a cat 'bertuan seribu'. While a dog will stay with his owner/ master no matter how he/she is treated, faithful and obedient. So my wise mother said, a dog 'bertuan satu'. This analogy is so apt and I have seen often enough. I am not saying women are angels but mostly they are.

So all women out there, love as you are loved but keep some for yourself.