Tribute to old friends 1

This is Dey, not me.

I was fortunate for having a number of very close friends who gave meaning to my life. I am not good at maintaining friendship or relationship for a long time. I was too lazy to keep in touch. This is because I believe they remember me and I have them in my heart. So I have lost many friends who were close to me before and had enjoyed each other's company. I couldn't trace them. Now that I have retired and getting on with my age, I feel the need to bond again and try to find where they are. I am successful in renewing contact with some but failed in others. My circle of friends is not wide actually but the few I have are those who understood and supported me when I was in need. They have shown their loyalty and they believe in me. These are valuable friends.

I thought of Dey last night and I missed her. When I recalled what friendship means, she is one good example. I have not been a good friend to her for I defaulted in keeping in touch, although she is always in my heart. So today I wrote a letter and sent email using her old address. I hope it reaches her.

I met Dey in 1982 at APECA conference in Manila where she lived. There was chemistery with us, we just clicked and became fast friends. She was the Head of Guidance Services there at that time. To my children she is Auntie Dey and we visited each other. Then she migrated to US living in Chicago with her sister, Fely. To me she is family, just like a sister. Though she is a Roman Catholic and I am a Muslim, that did not mean anything to us. We were just two friends who cared for each other.

When Ika went to school in US, Dey became her second mother. She cared and catered for her needs, giving her all the attention and whatever material things she wanted. Every semester break I made sure she spent it with Dey in Chicago unless she flew home every summer. I felt my daughter was in good hand. Dey watched her like a mother hen. Whenever I went to US, Chicago was a stop I have to make. So was my daughter, Maz and son, Izrin. US means to auntie Dey's house. I hope Ika will always remember how much Dey played a part in her life at a young impressionable age in US and always be grateful to her.

Whenever I stayed with her, she made sure she cleaned her refrigerator and stored kosher or halal food. She had a place for me to do my prayer and made a point to get prayer schedule from the mosque. Once she and sister Fely drove Ika and I to Riverton, Wyoming to send Ika back to school, which was over a thousand miles away. It was a sight-seeing trip for us but she refused my offer to pay for the trip. With her, Ika was treated like a princess, in fact among her friends Ika was known as the Malaysian princess.

Being a kind-hearted person, Dey took care and supported her nieces and nephews for their education. As a widow with no children, they became her focus, alleviating them from poverty. They did well and many migrated to US to be with her. Of course she went through some heartaches in caring for them as any mother's experience. But she was proud that many did well in their life.

When she visited me in KL some years ago, people thought we were sisters. Yes, we look like sisters and we care like sisters.

I am toiling with the idea of visiting her again. But US is such a long way and I dread the long flight. I also dislike the knowledge that they are prejudiced towards Muslims. Maybe they would think I am a terrorist too. To me there are no bigger terrorists in the world except America and Israel.

At the same time, I want to visit Wan Radziah and Rick in Utah, Bob Bowman in South Carolina, my Professor Marianne Mitchell in Bloomington and sad to say, Sandy, my childhood pen-pal has passed away succumbed to breast cancer but I would like to meet her children again. Sandy was my family when I was in school in Indiana University, Bloomington.

Please do not think I am only focusing on friends overseas but in actual fact I am looking up old friends as and when I take road trip around our country. I have lost touch with so many and do not know how to begin searching. The ones that I have met again, we still keep in touch.

So Dr. Delly Chanyungco, I miss you and love you. Thank you a million time for the caring you have showered me and my children especially Ika. You will always be in my heart. Let's pray we will meet again in the near future.

Meaningful friends are hard to come by. Cherish it when you have them.